


All Eyes On You

by rainbow_kings



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Angst, F/M, Fights, Fluff, M/M, Married Couple, Mentions Of A Divorce, Road Trip, Smut, So Married, Spanking, They Have Three Children, They Share It, They go on a road trip, To Fix Their Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-12 23:38:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 49,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_kings/pseuds/rainbow_kings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis have been married for ten years and they have three children. When their relationship is threatened with a divorce, they pack their belongings and go on a road trip in means to save their relationship. They promise to stay on the road and only returning once they've sorted through their problems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> **It's done!**  
>   
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** This fic is purely a work of fiction and is 100% made up by myself. The characters in this story do not resemble their real life personas. The story and the characters belong to me.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings:** Sexual content, mentions of divorce, endless arguments.
> 
> Clearly, I am not a lawyer unlike Louis in this story so I apologise for any inaccurate information about the law firm he works and how he works. 
> 
> There's one particular song that inspired this entire fic: St. Lucia - All Eyes On You. I listened it whilst I planned this story, whilst editingit and writing the last few paragraphs. To get real feel of the story, you should definitely listen to it.
> 
> I made a playlist of all the songs I listened to during writing this fic, I have already written a few lyrics during my story but this is a combined list of every single song. [ click](https://open.spotify.com/user/rainbow_kings/playlist/7v3VczCO8nODQ8EXdUPTW9)

[ ]()  


I feel it burning me  
I feel it burning you  
I hope I don't murder me  
I hope I don't burden you

**The Beach - The Neighbourhood**

**

Things aren’t going well for Louis and Harry.

They cease to communicate anymore. They never have anything to say to each other, no more than a few words to exchange in the morning and just before they go to sleep. It’s painfully obvious their relationship is hanging by a thread but they both choose to ignore it and pretend everything is fine.

Louis throws himself at his work. He takes his job as a lawyer seriously, he knows how hard he worked to get to this point in his career. It’s important to him. He works with clients, helps them with their court cases alongside his partner, Liam. Whenever it gets too hard at home, whenever it feels like they won’t make it through a particular argument, he tends to just bury himself in work. 

Harry continues to do what he does, too. He stays at home with their three children, the twins and the eldest daughter. He does the housework, the cleaning up and the cooking and he tends to every need of their children. 

Yet, their problems feel never-ending.

The fights first begins with Louis not having enough time for their children… like ever. Let alone having time for his husband. Louis starts work early in the morning, only enough time to drop a kiss to his husband and their three children before leaving the house in a hurry and not returning way past bedtime. Louis’ always busy, is the thing, with his clients, paperwork, working towards deadline of court cases. Being a lawyer is demanding and Louis’ not naturally academically bright, he has to struggle and work hard to get by and prove his abilities. 

Louis retorts with the fact Harry doesn’t try hard enough. He doesn’t attempt to understand Louis’ schedule. Despite the absence, Louis’ still working for the family, working until he can barely breathe to supply for the family. Harry doesn’t give him enough credit for the hard work. Harry pulls away, distances himself every time he’s late for dinner or when he accidentally misses a date night. He purposely puts a barrier between them, straining their marriage further.  
But this particular day, he’s finishing up a case and writing up his final statement when his phone rings.

Harry.

He immediately stumbles, reaching over and picking up before wasting a single second. Louis misses Harry, craves for any communication, any conversation the two of them can muster. Plus, it’s a pleasant surprise to receive a call from Harry during the day. It rarely happens anymore.

“Harry?” Louis breathes through the phone, hoping the desperation in his tone isn’t painfully obvious. 

“Daddy…” It’s Lola, the eldest daughter. There’s a tiny shake in her voice, her voice barely audible as she whimpers into the phone.

Louis’ heart skips a beat, straightening himself on his chair. He feels the first wave of panic settling in his chest from the tone of voice Lola lets off. 

“Baby? What’s wrong?” He asks, trying hard to keep his voice leveled because he’s sure he’ll just scare Lola off further.

Lola lets out a little whimper again and then breathes heavily down the phone. Louis waits, he doesn’t want to push his daughter to talk and in turn, make her cry or stress her out. He waits even though his skin is crawling with the urgency to know. He wants to wipe away anything she’s feeling.

“Are you busy, daddy?” She asks after a few moments.

“No, I’m not,” Louis lies right through his teeth.

“Can you come home. Please.”

It’s not a question, it’s an order. Lola wants Louis home and wants him home now. His eyes fall to the paperwork awaiting for him on his desk and he feels another wave of panic washing over him. He can take it home, he can try to complete it where he knows what the hell is going on.

“Is everything okay?” Louis asks, getting up from where he sits and stuffing all the papers into his bag, preparing to leave.

“Papa’s not well. He seems.. Weird.”

The third wave of panic, this time heavy and not blooming well in his chest. “What’s wrong with Papa, Lola?”

“He’s sad, daddy. He says you make him sad. Why do you make him sad, Daddy?”

Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_.

They have a rule to never let the kids know if anything’s wrong, not wanting to stress them out. Lola takes it hard upon herself whenever they argue, always locking herself in her room and crying out loud. Louis can’t take it, knowing there’s a wall between him and his daughter whenever she breaks down and he can’t comfort her, can’t reach over and feel her. The twins, Shane and Noah, are only three-year-old, they don’t understand but they still have wide eyes and shocked expressions whenever they witness an argument. Still, Louis and Harry plaster on smiles and promise it’s all right for the kids.

Why the fuck was Harry telling Lola. It was their only rule.

“I’m sorry, Lola. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m coming home right now, yeah?”

“Quick.” Is her only last request before she hangs up, leaving Louis still clutching the phone hard to his ear and his heart still beating right out of his chest. He packs up the last of his things, puts his mug in the sink and then knocks on Liam’s door.

Liam, his partner, is just as a hard worker as he is. He’s married to Sophia and they want to try for their first baby but Liam’s always tied down at the office. They work together on their cases, two brilliant minds is better than one. They’ve managed to form a close, good relationship together. Louis appreciates Liam more than he’ll ever let on, has managed to find a gem of a friend.

“Louis?” He asks as soon as Louis walks through, pulling at his hair.

“Can you take over any calls I get, I’ll get Sylvia to transfer them to you?”

“Um. I mean, of course?” Liam says. “Is everything okay, Lou?”

“Lola called and she was close to crying, going on about Harry being upset so I gotta get home and see what’s going on.”

Liam frowns, nodding solemnly. “I’ll handle everything here, you go home and sort things out with your family. Let me know if everything’s good?”

Louis nods. He’s so grateful for Liam, words will never express his love for this boy. He comes closer, leaning down to kiss him on the cheeks.

“Thank you, mate,” and then he leaves the office. He takes the elevator down, pressing the car park button twice as if it’ll make the lift go any faster.

Louis leaves the building, starts up his car and drives home as fast as he can. It’s barely 5pm and this is the first time in months he’s coming home so early. He feels urgency swimming through his organs as he breaks speed limits and finally arrives at the road of his neighbourhood but relief doesn’t take over the more pessimistic emotions. Instead, his negative feelings multiply as he takes a deep breath and cuts off the engine. He unlocks the front door, walking in hesitantly. 

“Daddy,” Lola’s the first to run to the door, her voice sounding as solemn as on the phone as she hugs his legs. 

Louis can begin to wipe away the bad feelings, one by one because for starters, Lola isn’t mad at him. Judging by the hug. He attempts to smile, bending down to pick her up and pull her into his chest. Lola’s the eldest daughter, she’s 5 and soon going to turn 6 but still growing so fast.

“You okay, my love?” His small voice reserved just for her, kissing her hair and easily carrying her down the hallway.

Lola doesn’t answer, trying to snuggle further into his chest. She’s warm and she smells pleasant, like fresh laundry. Louis breathes her in, inhaling deeply.

“I’m good but.”

He understands. “Where’s Papa?”

“Papa gardening. Noah and Shane are in their room.”

Louis nods, giving her a back a little rub before letting her down. He guides her through the kitchen to the garden door that’s open, keeping a hand on her back. Sure enough, Harry’s in the garden with a hose in his hand to water the flowers and plants. Though his back is turned to Louis, Louis can tell he’s wearing a see-through grey top, sweats and his hair is pulled up in a bun. Louis loves his hair like that. His body language is slouched over the plants and Louis feels an urge to walk over and hug him from behind. He resists though, feeling hundred miles away from his husband though he stands right before him.

“Lola, you go upstairs to the twins, okay?” Louis instructs Lola, crouching down to her level and giving her forehead a kiss. She listens and obeys, walking away. Louis wishes he had more words to give to her, to comfort her but he’s so out of his element with this situation. He’s never been called home from work except the time their surrogate was giving birth.

Louis walks out to the garden. “Honey…” he calls for Harry, his voice soft and delicate, trying to assess the situation. “I’m home..” he announces his arrival.

He notices how Harry tenses up almost immediately, hands clutching around the hose but he doesn’t turn around to greet Louis. He gulps, nodding a little to himself and trying to ignore the burning sensation in his chest as he faces Harry’s turned back. 

“I came home early because Lola called me. I’m worried about you.” 

Harry still doesn’t turn around to face him.

“She said you were sad and that you were acting weird. Is everything okay? Talk to me, Harry. Please.”

There’s still no answer. Right. Well then.

Louis decides not to push him. He’ll come to Louis himself, when he’s ready. He knows his husband inside and out, knows Harry needs his space when he’s in a mood like this but likes the comfort of knowing someone is there for him. Louis is, he’ll always be here for him.

“I’m going to go and say hello to the boys, okay?” Louis tells him, just in case. “I’ll be here, I’ll make dinner today.” He tries to shrug off the hurt settling in his chest from the rejection. He can’t shake it off, no matter how much he understands this situation.

So, Louis walks away though he wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around Harry and hold him close. He knows he’ll be pushing it considering all they’ve done is argue, throw words at each other in this past week. He’s not sure if Harry even wants to touch him. Louis walks away to the stairs, taking two at a time before he regrets his decision of leaving Harry alone. He knocks lightly at the twins’ room.

“Papa?” Shane calls out, his voice wavering.

Louis sighs a little. They don’t expect Louis to be home this soon so they automatically assume it’s Harry. He opens the door a crack, sticking his head in and pulling his tongue at the two boys. His boys.

Shane squeals in excitement, abandoning his car toys and jumping up to embrace Louis. He immediately opens his arms, letting the boy fall into them. Noah’s not far behind, also falling into Louis’ arm. The previous sting from Harry’s rejection fades away as he melts into the handful of his twins. He leans down, peppering kisses all over their faces despite their groans.

“You’re home early!” Noah mutters against his biceps.

“I am,” Louis affirms, nodding. “Are you surprised?”

“Yes!”

“Have you been good today, my boys?”

They both nod despite Noah’s displeased expression. “Papa angry today,” he huffs, looking annoyed as he snuggles into his chest. “I’m happy you’re here.”

Harry must’ve had a go at the twins for them to look so annoyed by the mention of his name. Louis sighs heavier this time, he knows when Harry’s in a mood, the way he acts and the way he holds himself like he’s sure he can handle this all on his own. Harry’s normally a ball of sunshine, of optimism and positivity squeezed all into one. He’s always full of great ideas, always smiling. But he’s only human and every human is allowed to have a fall.

“Did you upset papa?” Louis asks with narrowed eyes

“No.” Noah mumbles.

“Okay, boys. That’s good. My good boys, yeah? Let me get changed, I’ll prepare dinner.”

Louis lets go of the boys and walks into his bedroom. It’s messy and the bed has not been made. He stares at the bed for a few seconds before withdrawing from his thoughts and changing into more comfortable sweats, putting his dress shoes in the wardrobe. He sticks a headband into his hair, pulling it out of his face and walks back into the kitchen.

Harry’s in the kitchen now, still not looking up and making eye contact with Louis. But he’s sniffling a little and it’s clear he’s started crying since Louis last talked to him.

Louis’ heart drops and he no longer cares about holding a grudge or giving space. All the arguments from yesterday and the day before fade away, no longer even existing as he quickly walks over to Harry’s side at the kitchen island and instantly embracing him. He holds Harry close and tight, not wanting to waste another second not touching him. There’s a second or two of silence before Harry starts sobbing, his body shaking with the force of his tears and he clutches onto Louis.

Louis feels bewildered, not expecting this but he doesn’t mind. He holds him, stroking Harry’s hair despite how his chest aches and how he wants to take all the pain away from him. They don’t speak.

Until.

“Harry..”

“Don’t.”

“Babe.”

 

“Please,” Harry pleads, his voice barely audible, shaky. “Please.”

Louis’ not sure what he’s requesting but he nods anyway. He’d give anything to Harry, anything the boy asks for. They stay in each other’s arms for a little while longer, Harry sitting on the stool and Louis standing, holding Harry close to his chest.

After a few minutes pass, Harry begins to pull away. Louis retracts his arms, letting them fall limp at his sides. He craves Harry’s warmth and touch almost immediately straight after, hating how weak he can be for him.

“I’m going to make dinner, okay?” Louis’ voice is low, matching Harry’s. “I’ll make us something else since I’m making the kids mac and cheese and I’m sure you won’t appreciate the calories and what not.”

“I don’t mind.”

“You sure?”

Harry nods so Louis leans down and kisses his hair. They don’t kiss on the lips, they haven’t for a while and Louis wonders when he’ll be allowed to taste him again. He doesn’t force it, though. He doesn’t push his luck after their torturous few months, always at war with each other. So, he takes what he gets and makes the most out of it even if his hands shake from how he needs to feel Harry more, touch him more.

Harry walks into the living room, leaving Louis alone with his thoughts. As much as he wants to follow after his husband, cuddle up to him and put on a movie they both know would cheer Harry up. He doesn’t. He stands in the kitchen, collecting the broken pieces of heart and putting it back together to gather the courage to begin dinner. He pulls out the bowls, the ingredients and starts making the mac and cheese like he knows at the back of his hand.

Lola wanders into the kitchen sometime later, tears brimming her wide green eyes as she stares at Louis. His chest swallows him whole, the pain of it all taking over as he drops his spatula, immediately walking over to Lola and hold her. 

“Are you and papa mad at each other?” She asks.

Louis freezes, all the emotions hitting him all again for the hundredth time today. He doesn’t want his daughter to doubt his and Harry’s marriage, relationship. He doesn’t want her to feel afraid about their relationship.

“No, Lola, nothing’s wrong. We’re not mad at each other.” He tries to reassure her though he knows he’s lying. He keeps lying, day in and day out and he’s so sick and tired of it.

Lola doesn’t seem convinced. “But you always shout at each other.”

“I… yes. We do, sometimes. It happens when you’ve been married for a long time.”

Lola hums like she understands, sighing as she pushes away from the embrace and attempts to muster a smile. She’s trying to be brave for her father's and Louis’ chest pings. “I think I’m going back to my room,” she lets him know, pushing past him and returning to go upstairs.

Louis lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding, wanting to go after Lola. He doesn’t, like he doesn’t do anything nowadays and feels genuinely awful. Is this all his fault? Is this the result of his long hours, working and slaving away? Did he cause this, Harry crying and Lola doubting them? He’s spent so much time blaming Harry, accusing Harry when has it really stemmed right from himself? Louis can’t bite away the bitterness building up inside him, letting it bubble inside of him as he cooks the pasta and the cheese.

When he’s done cooking, preparing the meal in less than thirty minutes, he calls the twins and Lola down. The twins run down first, taking their assigned seats on the dining table and thanking Louis. Lola saunters down next, a book clutched to her chest as she places it down on the table and sits down.

“Where’s papa?” She questions.

“In the living room, I’m going to go and get him now.”

Once he’s assured that the children are enjoying their meal and conversing in conversation with each other, he leaves the dining room and walks into the front door. He’s about to say something, inform Harry to come into the living room.

But, Harry’s passed out on the sofa, his eyes shut but his eyelids fluttering as he breathes evenly. He looks majestic. He looks peaceful, curls falling down his face and all frown lines smoothed out. Louis feels a surge of affection as he leans down, kissing Harry’s forehead softly.

“Babe,” he whispers, “dinner’s ready.”

Harry opens his eyes slowly, bloodshot, clear he’s been crying for a while. He looks exhausted, rubbing his eyes and Louis takes a step back, giving him space.

“Already?”

“Mmhmm. Come on.”

Louis reaches out of his hand and surprisingly, Harry takes it as he gets up from the sofa. Louis smiles wide, leading him to the dining room with their fingers twined. He doesn’t miss Lola’s bright smile that follows, too. He pulls the chair out for Harry who mutters a thanks, sitting down and Louis returns to his own chair.

Finally, all five of them start eating.

The twins particularly love mac and cheese, it’s their favourite and they always ask for it to be prepared for dinner. It’s no surprise now how Shane compliments the food and how Noah asks for another plate full. Louis grants his wishes, putting more mac and cheese in for Noah.

They eat in silence but it’s not far as suffering as it should feel, in fact, it’s relatively comfortable. Louis loves this. He loves spending time with his family, when it’s just the five of them, eating together at dinner like a routine. Louis wouldn’t trade this time for anything in the world. 

Eventually, they all finish and Harry helps to collect the plates with Lola’s aid. They wash the dishes together, Harry handing her the wet, washed dishes as Lola wipes them dry and puts them away in their allocated cupboards.

Louis settles with Shane and Noah in the living room, flicking the TV to disney channel and they all snuggle up together. It’s only an hour until bedtime and he wants to spend this few moments of absolute peace with his twins. After a few minutes, Lola and Harry stroll into the living room and settle on the opposite couch.

They watch TV together in silence. Every now and then, Shane will exclaim in surprise at the events occurring in the show, causing him and Noah to erupt into a full conversation. Lola will whisper a few words to Harry who begins to look increasingly uncomfortable but attempts to smile through it. 

“It’s time for Shane and Noah’s bedtime.” Harry mutters, directed towards Louis like he actually has to remind him.

“I know, Harry.” He snaps, not able to resist his tone of voice and the bitter tone as he gets up. He may not be around the house often enough nowadays but he hasn’t forgotten how things run around here. He gets up from the sofa without a second glance backwards, not wanting to look at Harry’s expression.

Louis takes the twins upstairs, waits outside the bathroom door as the twins brush their teeth and wash their faces. Louis tucks them into bed, telling them the events of his day and soon enough, Shane and Noah pass out on their separate single beds. Louis stands there for a few moments, observing his boys and feeling blessed to have such perfect children. He leans down, kissing them both on the forehead before exiting their room. 

Lola’s come up to sleep as well, waiting for Louis. He smiles, repeating the routine with her and taking her into her bedroom. Once she’s cuddled up in bed, she looks up to him apprehensively.

“Will you and papa be okay?”

Louis reaches out and holds her hands, giving it a squeeze and nodding. “What’s with the questions, hmm?” He tilts his head to the side, trying to observe her emotions through her expressions. “We’ll be just fine.”

“You two never talk anymore.”

“It doesn’t mean me and your papa aren’t okay, yeah, babe?”

“Promise?”

Louis squeezes his eyes shut for a brief second before ushering out a hushed. “Promise,” though he’s lying. Because he doesn’t know. Because they’re probably not okay judging the past months.

God. It’s been a month or so since he’s properly touched Harry, felt him, pushed into him and fucked him fast and hard just like he likes. His hands ache Harry’s, they tremble and he needs Harry’s touch. It’s been a month since he’s really kissed Harry, not just a quick peck, a proper snog with tongue. It’s been way too long and yet, they seem to be carrying on like everything is completely fine.

Lola attempts to smile, nodding as she snuggles into her blanket and lets her eyes flutter shut. 

When Louis makes his way back downstairs, he’s ready to talk to Harry. He’s given the boy the entire day to collect his thoughts but now, Louis wants to talk. He wants to know what’s been eating away at Harry, is it him? He wants to know why Harry was crying, he wants to comfort him and soothe any questions Harry has. He wants to kiss him, kiss him over and over until Harry is healed. 

But when he walks into the living room, Harry’s already fallen back to sleep. His hands still curled around his phone, his other arm cuddling a cushion. 

Louis feels his heart soar with affection but also pain. He softly prys the phone out of his hand, placing it down on the table gently. He doesn’t wake him up, can’t when Harry looks peaceful and instead, walks back upstairs and falls asleep early. 

~

Tell me are we crazy, did you like the cold  
Tell me are you comfortable if comfortable at all  
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall, Hallie we might fall

**Ryan Star - We Might Fall**

*

The next morning, Louis’ brought back to life when Liam calls him into work.

He wants to ignore the call, wants to take the day off but he knows it must be a new case if he’s being called in. Louis groans, throwing his phone back on the bed and getting up. He almost wishes Harry had somehow gotten up during the night, came up and joined Louis in bed but it’s obviously not the case. His side of the bed is still empty. He takes a shower, standing for extra long under the spray of the warm water as he drags a hand through his hair. He gets dressed and then goes into the twins room, waking them up.

Noah isn’t a morning person, groans, grumbles and complains but eventually walks into the bathroom. Shane waits. Louis walks into Lola’s room who’s already awake. He smiles, greeting her good morning before walking down the stairs.

Harry’s awake too, sitting on the sofa and texting someone. His eyes don’t follow up to Louis when he walks into the living room. So, back to this awkward silence and never communicating with each other. Not even looking at each other.

“Morning.” Louis greets him anyway because he wants to hope tomorrow had a change on their current relationship. That somehow, being home for a little while longer might’ve helped Harry feel less resentment towards him.

Harry hums. “Morning.” Nope. The tone is bitter.

“You feeling better?” He pushes on though.

“Never been better.”

And that’s that. The conversation comes to an end. Louis grits his teeth, not wanting to feel so annoyed but he can’t help it. After everything, Harry can’t even talk to him properly, he’s always building walls around himself, pushing Louis away. After fifteen years of combining their lives together, Louis feels afraid for their future, for the first time.

Louis makes himself a protein shake, drinking it as he leaves the house without another word and begins to drive to work. He should’ve stay, he knows, but he also can’t bare to spend another minute in a house where he’s constantly at war with his own husband. Louis doesn’t know where it all went wrong and he doesn’t know how to fix it either. He pulls into his usual driving space in the car park, not giving himself a second to catch up as he enters the building.

Louis’ been a qualified lawyer for almost eight years now. Mostly, he worked in low-budget firms, barely getting any cases and finding himself doing the receptionist work more than anything in the beginning. But his hard work and continuous efforts paid off now that he represents one of the biggest criminal law firms in the UK. He works with a range of people, some criminals that are guilty of crimes and some innocent victims, wrongly accused. Louis doesn’t care. He just fights the case presented to him, normally always walking out with a victorious win. His reputation has grown as one of the best, the hardest working, the most dedicated to his job. It’s no wonder he’s become so increasingly busy in the past year. With reputation comes responsibility. 

Liam’s waiting by his office, as usual, the devoted partner. Louis’ worked with Liam since the first day of starting at this firm. Liam was the less experienced but just as eager, always wanting to please Louis with his talents and Louis can’t help but feel a surreal amount of love for his best friend.

“Good morning!” Louis chirps, despite feeling quite the opposite, grabbing the cup of coffee in Liam’s hands. It’s black, brilliant.

Liam frowns. “That was actually mine.”

“Now it’s mine!” Louis takes a sip, walking into his office and putting his bag down. “How was yesterday, were you able to handle it all?”

Liam scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Mate, I can definitely hold the place down for one night.”

“Never doubted you either.”

Liam just laughs, handing over a new folder. As expected, a new case.

Louis takes it of him. “Pro bono?”

“Yep.”

“Great,” Louis smiles. He never really minds a pro bono case here and there. He’s a lawyer because he believes in the system and wants to defend people. He doesn’t do it for money, though it’s a nice incentive. He opens the folder, flicking through the papers and reading the case. “Oh.. god,” he mutters.

Liam nods. “Yup. Female, 23, accused of murdering her husband. She was found in the apartment next to the dead husband’s body, knife in her hand and blood all over her hands.”

“Did she do it?”

“We’ll find out, won’t we?”

“You wanna work on this with me, if you have no other cases?” Louis asks, taking another sip of his bitter coffee to soothe the discomfort growing in his chest as he reads her statement. God, this feels like a challenging one. A case that’ll Louis inevitably become attached to.

“Of course. What else would I do?”

So, the two of them decide to pay the woman a visit in jail where she’s being currently held. Louis introduces himself, sitting opposite the girl. The girl, Daisy - he learns, is distant and not very open at first. She’s difficult to co-operate with, barely answering their invasive questions and refusing to give out deals and Louis feels frustrated. He wants to help his clients but he can’t if he can’t get through to them.

Liam notices the growing tension, swiftly taking over. “Daisy, is it? We are your lawyers and we want to help you, trust us.”

“You can’t help me.” She mumbles stubbornly, crossing her arms.

“Yes, we can. We can fight your case and give you a chance but we need to know if you did this. We need to know every part of the story, you have to trust us and let us in so we can give the best kind of help you require.”

It takes a while longer before Daisy to finally relax, admitting she didn’t mean to commit the crime, she’d never want to intentionally hurt her husband. She starts listing the injustice the husband caused her, how he’d hit her, how he’d hold her down and rape her and when she just had enough - she snapped. In self defence. However, it went too far and too quickly and then she was standing before her husband’s dead body.

Louis thinks he can really work with this. It’s definitely not something he’s attempted to tackle before but he loves a challenge. It won’t be difficult to argue the self defence angle. He takes notes, writing down every detail of her verbal statement.

When their session is over, he stands up and shakes her hand. “Thank you, Daisy. I promise I won’t let you down.”

It’s a heavy promise, one he doesn’t like to reassure his clients with but just watching the hopeful smile she gives him is enough. He leaves the place feeling like he may just have a mini panic attack. Liam is observant, immediately hugs Louis and whispers soothing words to him and rubbing his back before leading him back to the car. Liam drives, not trusting Louis’ current state of mind to be able to do so. 

“That was… difficult,” Liam comments first, breaking the growing silence between them.

“She’s so fucking young,” Louis spits, feeling angered at the helpless situation Daisy’s been put in. “She’s only 23 and yet. She’s been hurt, beaten down, wiped of any self-esteem, confidence. Now, she’s in jail and awaiting trial. Fuck. None of it is fucking fair.”

“She’s going to be just fine. We’ll work this case hard, yeah? We always do, we always win.”

Louis hums though it doesn’t settle the distaste in his voice and the way his heart is threatening to bounce right out of his chest. Liam drives Louis home instead of back to the office, promising he’ll stop later tonight to drop his things off but insisting Louis needs a rest after the demanding day.

Louis’ thankful, could never ask for a better partner than Liam. He knocks on the door considering he’s left his keys at the office. Harry opens the door, looking surprised to see him but smiles. It’s a faint smile but it’s still present. He’s dressed in sweats and a tank top, his hair pulled back in his bun. He looks effortlessly beautiful.

“You going to keep surprising me with these early visits?” Harry asks with his brows arched.

Louis doesn’t want to fucking speak. He doesn’t want to speak ever again. He cuts the distance between them, pulling Harry into his chest and going lax in his husband's strong arms. He wants to forget all about Daisy for today. He wants to forget about his work, the paperwork, the demand and the stress. He just wants to be with his husband.

Harry tenses for a moment but only to relax completely too, holding him and anchoring him down. “What’s wrong, Lou?”

“Don’t wanna speak,” he mutters.

Harry doesn’t push it, he leads Louis into the house and to the living room. “Can I get you anything, babe? Water?”

Louis nods. Harry walks off, quickly opening the cupboard and pouring a glass of cold water with two ice cubes and handing it over. He takes it off him, muttering his thanks before gulping the cold water down in one go. God.

Harry looks more concerned now. “Lou, you look..”

“Shit? Tired?” Louis supplies, biting his lip as he rips off the tie.

Harry offers him a sympathetic smile despite still looking worried sick. “You look beautiful.” He pauses. “Did anything happen, what’s going on?”

“Hard day.”

Harry sighs, not wasting another second to stand by the door uselessly. He pulls Louis into his side, sitting down besides him and snaking an arm around his waist to hold him close. They refuse to look at each other but Louis has missed this. It’s familiar, it’s warmth spreading through his entire body. It’s what he knows. It’s home. He pushes every event of today out of his mind, the look of desperation in Daisy’s eyes when he walked away. Louis feels everything hitting him hard all at once whilst being twined in Harry’s arms and he pushes back tears threatening to spill. Nope. Not now.

“What case was it?” Harry whispers, his head resting on top of Louis’. He’s so gentle with his words, tracing patterns on the back of Louis’ back to soothe him. He knows the effect it has on him.

Louis snuggles further into Harry’s side, burying his head into his chest and trying to take slow breaths.

“Murder, some girl murdered her abusive husband.”

“Oh, fuck.” Harry curses under his breath. “Darling,” he whispers. He knows how hard Louis takes the cases upon him, how he takes it as his own responsibility. “I know you can do this.”

Louis hums. He doesn’t want to return to work, he doesn’t want to write notes down and build the case. He doesn’t want anything but this and Harry. 

“Can we go to bed and take a nap, please?” Louis requests.

Harry doesn’t protest, he simply nods and leads Louis upstairs. They get into bed together, barely touching. Louis wants to reach over, he wants to feel every bump and curve on Harry’s body. He wants to kiss Harry all over, his face, his stomach, his thighs. Louis wants to fuck Harry, too. He wants to push into Harry’s heat, embrace the tightness, thrust into him starting slow and deep but then hard and fast. He wants to Harry begging for it, watch him fall apart. He wants it all. Instead, Louis stays close to his side of his bed and keeps his hands to himself.

Louis falls steadily into a nap wondering where the hell everything went to shit.

~

Cause it's burning a hole  
And I can't get to sleep  
And I can't live alone  
In this lie

So take me, don't leave me  
Take me, don't leave me  
Baby, love will come through  
It's just waiting for you

**Travis - Love Will Come Through**

*

The next week passes like a blur.

Louis gets invested in Daisy’s case completely. He puts his head right down into his papers, burying himself and never coming up for a breath for fresh air. He’s fighting for her, for young life that’s been wrongly accused. He’s collecting any evidence, medical reports, voice recordings, text messages - anything that’ll justify her actions. At this point, he’s not sure whether it’s guaranteed prison time but he can work towards it being reduced as much as possible. 

Liam is right by his side through it all, guiding him, completing paperwork and helping Louis through it all. He fills in for the early mornings where Louis’ exhausted himself from the long hours and catches up on anything Louis misses.

Harry doesn’t talk to Louis.

He simply greets him at the door, muttering some awkward sentence about dinner being prepared and in the fridge for him to warm up before he walks away and goes to bed. 

Louis wants to pull him to one side. He wants to explain to Harry about what’s eating him up, taking up all his time, he wants to express his concern and his devotion to this case. He wants to talk until he physically can’t anymore. He wants to press apologises into Harry’s skin, mark him and bruise him. But he doesn’t. He’s already busy with his own woes and spends any free time with his children instead of Harry.

The truth is, Louis hadn’t anticipated the stress he would be taking on willingly when he accepted this pro bono case. He hadn’t imagined it being this hard. But now with Daisy’s first trial date coming up, he can’t afford an argument with Harry. He’d rather live with the silence and work hard. There’s a life at stake.

Louis and Liam are just finishing up the day at the office, they had met Daisy earlier and talked through the procedure at the court and how it all pans out. Daisy seemed a little more optimistic than before now that there’s new details, new evidence and her case seems much more stronger. Louis shakes her hand, promising her the best.

“Sophia and I would like to invite you to a dinner party tomorrow night. Niall will be there too, of course.”

Louis raises his brow, eyes falling on the clock that indicates it’s past 6pm. “A bit of a late notice, don’t ya think?”

“I realise but Sophia has been wanting to for ages and tomorrow we finish early - seems like the perfect timing.”

Louis hums, nodding. He’s sure Harry wouldn’t mind but it’s just… they haven’t even talked to each other in over a week. He’s not sure how he’s going to convince his friends that they’re absolutely fine. Either way, it has to be done.

“Does the missus mind about the long hours you work here?”

Liam looks a little surprised with the question, licking his lips. “Yeah, of course but I also know she wants me to succeed. Our lives don’t revolve around each other, we can accuse a slip-up here and there.”

He hums again. Maybe there’s a feeling of envy spreading through his veins because Liam gets to have this perfect relationship with Sophia. Sophia is just brilliant, understanding, wise and stunningly beautiful. She’s there for Liam through it all, encouraging, thinking of dinner parties through Liam’s toughest case so far. Whereas himself and Harry, they’re hanging by a thread. Barely.

So yeah, maybe he is jealous.

“What about Harry, does he mind?” He’s snapped out of his self loathing thoughts by the question.

Louis sighs at the mention of his husband’s name, feeling more fatigue now than he has all day. He runs a hand through his hair, pulling at the roots. “It’s different for us, Li. We have children.”

“I know but he must understand how demanding your job is?”

“He does.” Louis lies, anyway. He doesn’t want to talk about their problems, doesn’t want to discuss the wrongs and the rights.

Liam smiles, seeming to believe him. “Oh, that’s good. Well, I’ll see you at the dinner party, right? Bring the kids of course, haven’t seen them in ages.”

 

*

Louis was meant to talk to Harry. He really was. He was meant to call during the day, assuring his husband he’ll be home soon, that they’ll talk through their problems and make them right. But after the long day at work, he just felt too exhausted to do pretty much anything. To his surprise, though, Harry’s waiting in the kitchen for him with two plates of food. Louis feels his body ignite, not expecting his husband to be awake let alone dinner ready for the two of them.

“Harry..” he lets out softly, dropping his bag and instantly moving forward to hug Harry. He embraces him with everything he has, wanting to hold him and wanting this moment to last forever.

Harry snuggles into him and when he pulls away, he actually kisses Louis. He presses his chapped lips against Louis’ and he feels more alive than he has in weeks. He doesn’t remember the last time they kissed properly, last time they touched with want and lust. Louis takes this opportunity to let one of his hands fall on Harry’s waist, the other holding Harry’s jaw as he takes control over the kiss and licks into Harry’s mouth. He’s done being afraid and he’s done pretending he doesn’t want to touch Harry.

“Where’s all this coming from?” He mutters against Harry’s lips, pulling away for a few seconds just to ask. 

Harry shrugs, defeat in his features but a content smile playing at his lips like he’s been waiting for this. “Miss you, miss us. I just want everything back to how it was.”

“Me too, darling.”

So they kiss some more before Harry finally pulls away, smirking. “Also prepared some dinner, waited for you.”

“The twins and Lola asleep?”

“Mmm-mhm. They couldn’t wait up, were so worn out from the park trip today.”

“Oh? You guys went to the park?” He asks, smiling a little at the thought of his children running around and Harry chasing after them. He misses that. He also resents that he can’t be there.

Harry nods happily, going to sit at the dining table and patting the spare chair next to him for Louis to follow. He sits down, smile growing wider when he realises Harry’s made his favourite dish. Beef stew with sweet potato topping.

“Oh fuck, yes, Harry. Thank you,” he waits for his husband to pour them both a glass of red wine before starting to eat together.

Louis adores this. He hasn’t had a dinner alone with Harry since Lola was born. Not that Louis minded. He loved his daughter and loved his sons too, always wanted them around for dinner times and wouldn’t change it for the world. Just, this, isn’t too bad either.

“So, tell me about the case.”

Louis smiles because it seems like he’s finally taking interest in his work again instead of just assuming and accusing of Louis for purposely staying away from home. He’s asking, wanting to know more about Louis’ day.

“Well, we’ve been working with Daisy closely for the past week and I’d like to think we’ve made a great case together. Her court trial date is in a few days, one of the first.”

“So, did she do it? Did she actually murder her husband?”

Louis shakes his head. “Well, technically.. Yes, she was the one who killed her husband. But, it was self defence.”

“Self defence?”

“Yeah. Her husband was a drunken, abusive excuse of a human being and she just sorta retaliated and hit him back.”

“Until he died.”

Louis winces. He hates the harsh reality of the cases he works, how utterly fucked they are and how he has to fight them. “Yeah.”

“Shit, Lou,” Harry breathes out. “That sounds so intense.”

It is. It’s really intense and it’s taking up more of Louis’ energy and time and life than he had expected. But he welcomes it. Because at the end of it, he’ll be helping a life that’s been wrongly accused. In the end, he’ll feel accomplished and his reputation will bump up just the slightest bit more. 

“I didn’t expect you to..” Louis’ not sure how to finish his sentence. For the first time, he feels out of element with his own husband. He shouldn’t feel surprised that his husband is taking interest in his life, his work. “To care.”

Harry’s face contorts to a grimace. “I do care.”

“You just.. Do you blame me for thinking otherwise?” It’s a genuine question, one that’s quite heavy so he stuffs his mouth with the beef stew. He chews for a moment before continuing. “You’ve hardly asked in ages so, it’s just. Weird.”

Harry seems to slump his shoulders at that, frowning. He looks like a deer that’s been caught in bright headlights. “No. I can’t.”

“Exactly.”

And Louis really doesn’t want to put a damp cloth over their current, brilliant conversation that seems to be going well so far. But he also refuses to ignore the past month and two, how he’s been walking around eggshells with his husband. How he feels like a shit human being for wanting to do his job. How he can’t help the resentment pouring out of his body sometimes.

They continue to eat in silence, until Harry speaks.

“But, you can’t blame me for not wanting to take an interest either.”

“Oh, really?” Louis questions, not sure if his tone is sarcastic or curious. Maybe both. He raises a brow at him. 

“Yes, really,” he grits his teeth, standing his ground and not shying away from the conversation like he normally does. “You’re _never_ home, Louis and it causes me to feel fucking annoyed sometimes.”

“Sometimes? Yeah. Okay, right.”

“A lot of the times.”

“ _All_ the time,” Louis amends, shaking his head. “Like I understand if you’re mad at me for that, I get it. But to act like I don’t exist and ignoring me when I _am_ at home just causes us to distance more.”

“Because I’m fucking angry!”

“Stop swearing!” Louis bites back. “And yeah, so tell me that! Has communication really become so hard for you?”

So, yeah. They’re definitely arguing now despite the gesture Harry had prepared for him. They can’t sit still for a minute, they can’t spend over ten minutes with each other alone without trying to rip each other’s throats out. And Louis hates this. It’s exhausting and it’s draining to have to come home and argue with Harry but it’s happening and he can’t take it back now. Not when he’s feeling the anger of the past months actually boiling in his blood and all of a sudden, he wants answers.

“I get distant when I get angry.”

“Don’t I know it?” Louis scoffs. “Remember Zayn, you introduced me to him and then you got angry at me for becoming friends with him.”

The mention of Zayn’s name causes Harry to snap up, eyes suddenly dark as he drops the spoon in his hands. “Fucking don’t. Don’t fucking say it.”

“Do you remember Zayn, Harry, do you? You accused me of _cheating_ with him because we got close and you couldn’t fucking stand it.”

“Are we going to argue about things that don’t even matter anymore?!”

Louis drops his cutlery this time, jumping up from his seat. It does matter. He hasn’t forgiven Harry for it, he realises. He had forgotten about it, pushed it to the back of his mind but he hasn’t exactly forgiven Harry because he realises it still bothers him. It bothers him that they argued over Zayn so much so that the boy actually moved away. He moved away from London, right to Newcastle faraway from them. They both lost their best friend because of their inability to stop arguing.

“It does matter, don’t you get it?”

“What matters is that you’re always at work and I can’t stand it and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Louis bites his bottom lip. “Well, _deal_ with it because I love my job and I’m not going to stop it for you.”

“You love your job more than you love me.” Harry just accuses him, says it right out as he crosses his arms and looks at Louis with a slight eyebrow raise and nod.

“How- how can you even-” Louis can’t even finish the sentence. Suddenly, this argument is no longer one he wishes to finish because the disappointment is too raw. He pushes his chair away, moving to walk away.

“Yeah, go on!” Harry calls after him. “Leave, why don’t you?!”

“ _Fuck_ you, Harry!” Louis calls back, raising his middle finger up at him without turning around. He slips his feet into his shoes leaving the house and making sure to slam it behind him.

~

We used to never go to bed angry  
But it's all we ever do lately  
And you're turning away like you hate me  
Do you hate me, do you hate me, oh  
You can take this heart  
Heal it or break it all apart  
No, this isn't fair  
Love me or leave me here

**Little Mix - Love Me Or Leave Me**

*

Louis doesn’t bother spending his energy on regretting his decision to argue with Harry. He doesn’t even try to. He only feels anger surging through his veins as he skips down the neighbourhood road, resisting the urge to take his car. He walks through the midnight streets, taking each turn necessary to end up at Niall’s apartment. Niall lives on his own, independent and never attaching to anyone long enough to create a commitment. He prefers his life with one-night stands and never exchanging numbers. Louis had always thought he’d never be able to do what Niall does, found it ridiculous.

But right now as he rings for Niall’s apartment, he’s envious of Niall’s lifestyle. It just seems so easy and carefree and nothing Louis’ feeling right now.

Niall lets him in after a few minutes of insistent ringing, muttering something incoherent through the speakers that sounds a lot like cursing. Louis takes the stairs, two at a time before he lands up at the third floor and knocks at Niall’s door.

“What the fuck are you doing-” Niall starts as he opens the door, ready to explode at him but pausing when his eyes fall on Louis. “Jesus, Lou. What are you doing here?”

“Need somewhere to stay,” is all he says, shrugging as he tries to appear nonchalant and walks into Niall’s apartment. 

Niall splutters behind him, shutting the door and accepting his presence. “What the hell? Where’s Harry, the kids?”

Louis may be a bit of a dick for walking out of the house, walking out on the kids at this time of the night. He should’ve stayed, calmed down and he should’ve apologised but. He doesn’t want to. He should be more responsible as a father but as a partner in a relationship, he’s pissed and removed himself from the situation before it really blew out of proportion.

“Don’t want to talk about it,” he admits. “Got a beer?”

Niall looks unimpressed but doesn’t protest, nodding as he walks into the kitchen and comes back with two beer bottles with the top screwed off. He hands one to Louis and sits down on the sofa next to him.

“Cheers,” he kisses the bottle top before gulping it down.

“I got the spare room all done, you can sleep there tonight,” Niall doesn’t seem to push it any further though his eyes are still curious.

Louis loves Niall. He’s known Niall since they were kids together in primary school, instantly fitting together as a good pair. They were the opposite yet so similar. Louis was the loud, spontaneous one and was the centre of attention whereas Niall was the shy, quiet kid but once you break his shell, he shares quite a few of the same qualities as Louis which is what allows them to get along so well.

“Thanks, mate. Do you mind if I just stay out here and sit wallowing in self pity for a while? You can return to your sleep. Don’t mind me.”

Niall scoffs. “Not a chance, mate. We’ll sit here together wallowing in self pity.” 

They don’t talk. Niall doesn’t press the matter and Louis refuses to open up either. He puts on the TV, watching reruns of Hollyoaks and Louis immerses himself in other people’s fictional problems rather than his own. It’s a distraction, after all and it’s better than none.

They go to sleep after an hour of watching soaps and discussing thoroughly each couple on the show, going to their rooms. As Louis lays down on the single bed, his heart gives out and his bottom lip wobbles with the ache in his chest. He ignores how empty a single feels bed after sleeping in a double with Harry for more than a decade. He ignores how strange it feels to sleep somewhere besides his own place. He ignores how strange it feels to sleep alone, not his husband’s body to cuddle up to. Needless to say, it’s the worst sleep Louis’ had in years.

 

*

_‘Dinner party at Liam’s today, at 7pm. I’ll pick u and the kids up. Be ready.’_

_‘Ok.’_

Louis rolls his eyes at Harry’s short reply, snorting as he puts his phone back in the pocket. He’s not even surprised that Harry didn’t even ask where he slept last night, where he was. He’s perfectly okay with the distance between them. Louis wants to be, as well. He won’t try to force the two of them to talk when it’s painfully clear Harry doesn’t care about him. Won’t take back his accusation.

Liam’s not as respectful to Louis’ silence when he asks Liam for a spare change of clothes for the dinner party. 

“What?” Liam asks, his brows knitted together as he crosses his arms like he’s disappointed at Louis before even hearing the entire story. “What did you say?”

“I need a change of clothes, something dinner party appropriate,” he repeats himself.

“Why can’t you go home and get something?”

“Because I can’t.”

“Are you and Harry okay?” He presses, clear he won’t be taking no reply as an answer. There’s a stern expression on his face like it’s Louis’ fault something has gone wrong. 

Louis can’t even bite back the distaste he feels as he stares at Liam. “Oh, fuck off.”

That heavy blow of the words softens Liam’s expression, though. Quite the opposite effect Louis wants. He closes the gap between them, trying to smile sympathetically and Louis can’t stand his pity.

“Are you and Harry okay?” Liam says again but this time, the concern is clear in his voice as he searches Louis’ face. There’s no hint of judgement in his voice anymore. 

He decides to be honest because he’s so goddamn tired of lying and reassuring everyone else. For once, he wants someone to comfort him.

“No.”

Liam seems to be expecting the answer, dropping the files in his hands and sitting besides him on the sofa in the break room. “What’s going on, eh?”

“It’s just all shit, Liam,” Louis complains. “It’s just.. Fucked.”

“Anything happen in particular?”

“I mean, we’ve been arguing almost every single day for a month or two now and it’s been a struggle at home. I feel like I’m constantly battling with my own husband, begging and searching for something to say. But yesterday he accused me of loving my job more than I love him and _that_ -” he pauses, shaking his head as he runs his thumb over his eyes and rubs vigorously. He’s so fucking tired. “That fucking hurt because I love Harry, I sacrificed everything for him and our children and he goes and says that.”

“His judgement is clearly clouded, Lou. He probably didn’t even mean to say that. He’s not thinking straight, especially during an argument.”

“He did mean it, though. I left the house, went and slept at Niall’s but he didn’t even ask if I’m okay, where I am.”

“Are you both coming to the dinner party still?”

Louis grits his teeth. “Yes, darling, we’re still coming to your precious dinner party.”

Liam doesn’t seem to mind his harsh words, just nodding and smiling like that’s more than enough for him. “I’ll ask Sophia to drop something by for you to wear. Listen, it’ll be alright, man. All couples go through fall-outs. It won’t break the relationship.”

He sighs, tired of feeling like an awful human being. He has no reason to be short with Liam when he’s only trying to be there for him. “Thanks, Li. I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.”

The day passes slowly and Louis gets back to work after a while of wallowing in his pitiful thoughts. He texts Niall a few times, assuring the lad he’s fine and he takes the clothes off Sophia when she arrives, kissing her cheek and thanking her over and over. Just before he leaves before the end of his shift, he changes into the clothes in the bathroom and takes the elevator down to the car park. Liam had already left an hour ago, wanting to go and help his wife prepare for the dinner party.

As he drives to his house, he lets the radio play softly in the background. He hopes himself and Harry can pull themselves together for one night, not show how it’s obvious they’re not on talking terms with each other at this moment in time. There was a time the two of them were stars of every dinner party, had everyone’s attentions at how great hosts and guests they are. Now, they can’t even bring themselves to ask how they’re doing to each other.

He parks outside the house and watches his husband and his children waiting by the door. Despite still feeling resentment at Harry, he’s still welcomed with the usual warm feeling that spreads inside of him whenever his eyes land on his husband.

Harry’s dressed fancy but not over the top. He’s wearing a button down sheer white top, the buttons open right down to his chest where his butterfly tattoo is on show. His jeans are skin tight, his thighs looking heavenly and toned, paired with his brown suede boots. He looks ravishing and Louis wants nothing more to reach over, take him apart piece by piece. Instead, he forces to pry his eyes away.

He does, however, get out of the car and greet each of his children individually. He hugs both Noah and Shane, kissing their cheeks and helping them into their car seats. He greets Lola, she giggles as he bops her nose and helps her into the car too. Then, he turns to Harry. Harry looks away.

Well, the grudge is still clearly there.

“Get in,” is all Louis says, rough and not very loving at all. He winces at his own words.

Harry seems to resist a scoff, only rolling his eyes and taking the passenger seat whilst Louis gets back in the driver seat. The drive is tense between the two of them, not exchanging a single word. Louis waits for an apology, for a question -- anything. It doesn’t come.

Lola does, however, talk until he’s sure she’s going to lose her voice. She talks about her day at school, about a new friend she’s made and whether she’s allowed to invite her over to play. Harry doesn’t speak up.

“Of course babe, invite her,” Louis says to her, smiling at her through the rear view mirror. 

When they reach Liam’s house, he notices how Niall’s outside waiting for him. He’s immensely grateful for the extra company, not sure if he’s going to survive another moment with how thick the tension is between him and Harry. Louis cuts off the engine, Harry goes to the back door to help the children out of the car. He walks over to Niall, embracing him.

“Thank you for last night, mate,” he says, again with a softer voice.

“Shut up,” Niall scoffs, pushing his shoulders a little. “Stop thanking me again and again. You’re always welcome, okay? Does Harry know where you were?”

“Nope,” Louis resists the urge to roll his eyes. Like Harry fucking cares. “He didn’t ask, I didn’t say.”

“Shit. Do you think it’ll affect today’s dinner party?”

“Hope not.” Louis shrugs, pocketing his keys and ringing the doorbell when Harry and the children are behind him.

Liam comes to the door a few seconds later, wearing a white apron and a lazy smile on his lips as he welcomes all the guests in. They all settle in the living room as he excuses himself to continue to finish cooking really quickly. Thankfully with Niall, there’s never a dull moment and the lad takes it upon himself to light up the dinner party. He doesn’t dwell on the clear awkward silence between Harry and Louis, talking to both of them and hugging the handful of twins. He doesn’t let a single minute pass without some sort of conversation filtering the room. Louis needs to properly thank him later for being Godsent.

Finally, Liam and Sophia return to the room and greet everyone properly. Louis watches from afar how Harry talks to both of them, thanking them for the invite and for the food they’ve prepared. He watches how Harry talks with his hands, gesturing as he discusses about how busy his days are with looking after the children and how he wishes he could drop by more often. He watches and watches until his eyes burn because he hasn’t heard Harry talk so much in so long that he was beginning to feel like Harry was incapable of speaking.

Then Louis feels jealousy settling in his chest because Harry can talk with other people but not with _him_.

As the good guest he is, Harry follows Sophia into the kitchen to help her set out the table. Liam, Niall and Louis sit together as they talk about everything and anything and catching up, putting the TV on for the children. Niall asks endless questions about their cases and Liam’s more than happy to supply the answers.

“Food’s ready, c’mon!” Sophia calls from the dining room after a few minutes, breaking the conversation and they all get up and follow.

Harry’s grabbing three smaller plates for the children but Louis bumps him out of the way, taking the plates off him gingerly. 

“I can handle them,” he whispers out, his voice still strong though.

Harry’s eyes darken but he nods curtly, walking away to take his seat. Louis runs a hand through his hair as he puts in a serving of chicken pasta for both Noah and Shane, a slice of meatloaf and apple juice. He knows it may be too much for them but he hands it over to them, warning them to finish as much as they can. He lets Lola pick out what she likes, she opts for the pasta and coleslaw. 

Finally, when his children are eating, he takes a seat and starts putting serving into his own plate. Despite sitting right next to Harry, he feels like there’s miles and miles between them and he has never felt so far from him. He hopes it’s not too obvious to the guests. 

Louis watches how Sophia and Liam talk, touchy and handsy and his throat grows thick at the fact that he can’t even look at his husband properly. How they’ve come this far only to end up despising each other.

“So, Niall, what have you been doing recently?” Sophia asks as she puts a forkful of pasta in her mouth, her red lipstick not smudging even a bit. “Settle down, yet?”

Niall guffaws. “Darling, I’ll never settle down. But, I’ve been doing marketing work even though I’m planning to focus on my music full time.”

Liam hums, joining the conversation. “Niall’s music is sick! He needs to start working on it more.”

“I’ve never heard anything from you, Niall,” Harry talks too, his voice croaky as he clears his throat. “Didn’t know you were great at music.”

Niall flushes, batting his hand. “Liam just likes to exaggerate.”

“Ever the humble Niall,” Louis mutters.

He shakes his head at Louis with a easy laugh. “I love me music, really want to make it far and get it out there but I have a lot to work on.”

“You should let me hear some of your stuff,” Harry requests, his eyes friendly as he takes a sip of his white wine.

“Sure, mate!”

Before they can continue with their conversation, Noah starts whining and making noises, throwing his fork down on the floor. Louis frowns and when Harry gets up immediately, not even wasting a second to spare Louis a glance, he frowns further.

“I _can_ handle the kids, Harry.” 

Harry looks back to him, bitterness clear in his features as he arches one brow. “Really? Didn’t think so considering you’re never around to know so.”

Everyone at the dining table falls silence, all conversation ceasing to exist and the tension grows ten times thicker in the room. Louis grits his teeth, trying to welcome the surge of anger that overcomes him. Fuck Harry and fuck him for talking about their problems openly in front of everyone else. He just has to be a drama queen, has to broadcast it to every other person.

Louis resists though. He doesn’t want to say anything and cause a scene. He just sits back in his seat, avoiding everyone’s gaze as he sips his wine back. He’s not going to argue with his husband over something so pathetic in front of all his friends. It’s going to be an embarrassment he’ll never live down.

Like the saint Niall is, he dips back to conversation and changing the conversation effectively. He mentions about some new festival he saw online and how they should all go together, how fun it’d be be. Liam agrees though looks upset that he may be too busy with work to get a whole 5 days off without any commitments. 

Liam, then, turns to Louis and smiles as he says. “You should invite Zayn too, yeah? Since you’ve been talking to him again.”

Oh. Fuck. _Fuck fuck fuck._

Louis’ eyes widen instantly, sending Liam an unspoken message with his facial expression to tell him to shut the fuck up. This is a dangerous territory. It’s a conversation him and Harry have never had, never plan to either. Sure, him and Zayn have been conversing here and there, nothing serious but Louis _loves_ Zayn. He considers Zayn his own brother and it was difficult to let him go entirely when he moves to Newcastle. So, he reached out and he solved any problems they had.

Of course, it’s a touchy subject for Harry as it should be. Harry and Zayn were friends first, ever since they were little kids and lived on the same road in the neighbourhood. They grew up together, experienced every part of waking life together much like Niall and Louis. Harry had introduced Louis to Zayn and unexpectedly, he got close to Zayn rather quickly. It caused a strain on their relationship, especially when they were threatened with a break-up over Zayn.

Zayn couldn’t handle the stress, alongside with other problems and he simply cut the two of them out of his life and moved to Newcastle for a new job opportunity. Harry hasn’t heard of Zayn since.

Harry looks over to him slowly, betrayal painted all over his features as he puts his fork down. Everything seems to be moving in slow motion and Louis wants to reverse this night right back to the beginning so he can warn Liam to keep his big gob fucking shut.

“You’ve been _talking_ to Zayn?” Harry spits out, voice more venomous than Louis’ ever heard before.

“I-” Louis’ mind is working thousand miles per second to come up with a reasonable explanation but he ends up just stuttering over his words.

Harry’s impatient, though as he pushes the plate of food away from him and glaring at Louis with more hatred than his eyes could possibly hold. 

“Really, Louis? Really?!”

With his voice growing an octave higher, the children look over, noticing the scene unfold right before his eyes. Louis notices the fear in Lola’s eyes and he snaps to action.

“Stop making a scene,” he hisses, reaching out to Harry. “You’re scaring the kids.”

Harry backs out of the touch like it burns. “Really, Louis?” He repeats. “You’ve been talking to Zayn and you didn’t even fucking _tell_ me and now you’re telling me to not make a scene?”

“Lola is getting scared, Harry! Shut the fuck up!” Louis retorts back, raising his voice too as he drops the cutlery in his hands. 

“Tell me - is it actually true?”

Is Harry seeking for a confirmation? He wants to know if Louis betrayed him, went behind his back and contacted Zayn. He can’t even deny it. He knows this will hurt Harry, it was his friend and he sort of stole him and then caused him to runaway. He knows it’ll hurt Harry that he talked to Zayn first, before him. He also knows he should’ve told Harry before tonight. 

So, he sucks in a breath and nods quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s true.”

Harry’s eyes darken, giving away no emotion as he gets up from the table and walks towards the hallway.

Fuck. Fucking shit fuck.

Louis follows right after, ignoring the questioning and afraid gazes his friends are giving him. He tries to reach over to Harry again but once again, his hands are batted away. Harry looks crazed when he looks up.

“He broke us apart, he caused us to argue, to break up. And you went and talked to him, without even telling me? Zayn broke _us and you went to him?!_ ”

“Zayn never hurt me!” Louis shoots back, regretting his words as soon as they left his mouth.

Harry’s mouth contorts to something pained. “He never hurt you? So, when he nearly broke us apart, that wasn’t hurting us?”

“No,” Louis pursues his lips, shaking his head and putting his hands on hip. “No, because we did that to ourselves - not him. He never hurt us. When he left I called him, I apologised and I sorted things out.”

“He hurt _me_ ,” Harry stabs his finger at his own chest, his breathing rapidly increasing and his eyes growing more hurt. “Does that not hurt you too?”

“You’ve been holding a grudge for no reason. There’s nothing to be hurt about here.”

“No reason? Fuck you because you have no idea!”

“You’re scaring our kids for no reason.” Louis sighs exasperated. “Can we just go inside, we’ll talk about this later?”

Harry narrows his eyes, shaking his hand and laughing in disbelief. He puts his shoes on, causing Louis’ heart to start racing.

“Fuck you. Fuck you and good fucking bye.”

“Harry, where are you going to go? You can’t take the car, the kids-”

Before Louis can reply, Harry has slipped out of the house and slammed the door right in Louis’ face. For a few seconds, he’s planted on the spot in disbelief, unsure how to feel or what to say. He’s too embarrassed to go back to the dining room and face all his friends after the scene they’ve caused. He knows they’ve been going through a rough patch… but has it really been this bad? They’ve never argued in front of other people before.

Louis rubs the back of his neck, still not sure what to do and not realising he’s crying before he feels a sob wrack through his body. Within an instant, Niall’s by his side, kissing his temples and guiding him up the stairs. Louis’ grateful, not wanting his children to see him this broken down. For the first time, he cries like never before, shaking with the force of his tears and lets Niall hold him. He cries for Harry, for their relationship, for scaring his children, for how distant he feels, for how afraid he is about their future.

After he calms himself down, he faces his children. He apologises to each one of them, placing lingering kisses on them before guiding them to the car. He knows he’s ruined the mood of the dinner party, shattered the good positive vibes because of their argument. He notices how tense Liam and Sophia are both, worried sick but he promises he’s fine before ushering the kids into the car and buckling them in.

Liam hugs him, holding him close. “I’m so so fucking sorry, Lou.”

“No, don’t be,” he reassures him, squeezing him. “You didn’t know.”

“Skip work tomorrow, I’ll handle it all. Please. Take all the time to fix shit.”

Louis nods, accepting the offer but he knows he’ll be up and out in the morning anyway. He apologises to everyone, kissing Sophia’s cheeks and embracing Niall tightly. That boy is a fucking blessing. Then he leaves, putting the car into gear and driving down to the house.

He’s not surprised to find an empty house.

~

I still don't have the reason  
And you don't have the time  
And it really makes me wonder  
If I ever gave a fuck about you  
Give me something to believe in  
Cause I don't believe in you anymore

**Maroon 5 - Make Me Wonder**

*

Louis calls Harry once, twice - so many times he loses count the following morning. He had expected Harry to return, always dutiful and never messing up the kids routine. He goes straight to voicemail by the tenth time and Louis feels the frustration growing.

“Pick the _fuck_ up, Harry!” He screams down the voicemail he leaves, groaning as he throws the phone to the corner of the room, not caring to see if he just broke it.

Of course, Lola walks right into the kitchen right that moment and her expression is full of fear and concern. She’s been awfully quiet since yesterday after experiencing her father's fighting, how Harry had left and she seems to be assuming the worst. 

“Daddy?” She whimpers, her lip wobbling.

Louis curses under his breath, dropping the banana he’s holding and coming to his daughter's side. He crouches down to level with her, mustering a smile.

“Hey, you. Why do you look so sad?” He questions, putting on a brave face despite knowing why, knowing the answer. 

“Are you and papa ever going to talk again?”

He knits his brow together. “No, we will. We always do.”

“But it’s never like last night.”

“Yes, I know but we’re married, Lola. So, no matter what, we pull through, okay? Please don’t worry, my darling,” he sighs, holding open his arms to let his daughter fall into them as he holds her close, stroking her hair. “Me and papa will never be apart.”

“Where is he right now, then?”

“I… I don’t know.” He answers truthfully, not sure where Harry could possibly go. It’s why he feels worried sick, why he keeps calling Harry but only getting his voicemail, it’s causing his nerves to go into overdrive.

Lola whimpers again. “Daddy-”

“Shush, sssh darling. He’ll be home soon.”

“He never misses breakfast.”

“You have me instead, isn’t that a lovely surprise?”

Lola giggles though she sniffles, cuddling into his chest. Louis holds her for a few minutes, just wanting to comfort her before settling her down on the stool and handing over her waffles with banana and drizzled honey. He calls down the twins next, handing over the same breakfast as they thank Louis and get eating messily straight away. The twins are too young to fully comprehend the situation though they’re aware something’s wrong.

“Where Papa?” Shane asks, mouthful.

“Don’t speak when you’re eating,” Louis scolds him and then sighing, shrugging. “Papa will be here soon.”

When breakfast is over and Louis begins washing the dishes, he hears the key turn in the lock at the front door and his heart starts racing. The kids were just getting ready for school and he was about to drop them off but everything else is pushed right to the back of his mind as he drops the dish, running towards the door. Louis’ ready to apologise, own up to his mistakes, kiss Harry breathless because he never wants to argue like last night ever again. 

Yet, when Harry walks in, he has his arms around nonetheless Nick Grimshaw.

Fucking Nick.

Louis blinks in disbelief, watching Harry giggly, flushed and holding Nick closer than he’s ever held Louis in the past few months. He’s not sure how to feel except the fact that he’s sure there’s red in his eyes right now. He’s seeing red and feeling the fury and envy grow as he watches his husband being handsy with someone he absolutely despises. 

“Are you fucking-” Louis’ muttering under his breath, eyes narrowing dangerously at the pair, cutting himself off before he utters something he’ll only later regret. 

If anyone was to walk in, they’d assume Harry and Nick were the couple with the way Nick holds Harry securely. The way Harry leans into the touch.

Harry finally catches Louis’ eyes but he looks nowhere close to ashamed. 

Louis’ been beating himself up for yesterday, running through the events again and again in his mind until he’s sure he’s beginning to lose his mind. He couldn’t sleep all night, tossing and turning and reaching out for a body that isn’t there. Yet, Harry looks unbothered, relaxed. Like last night never even happened.

“Louis,” Harry giggles, saying his name so formally. “Didn’t expect you to be home.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, breathing through this whole surreal situation. “Wouldn’t leave the kids, would I? Since you fucking walked out yesterday.”

Harry blinks and then looks up to Nick, laughing. “Oops.”

Is he fucking drunk at this hour in the morning? Louis feels disgusted. He feels genuinely disgusted. Every time he was late to a date, he couldn’t come home to tuck the kids into bed - it was because he was held down with work. A genuine, real reason. He never missed days just because, just for fun. He never ever fucking did that. Harry’s fucking shameless, standing before him with his arms around Nick.

Suddenly, he can’t spend another minute in this house. He can’t spend another second looking at Harry’s hands around Nick’s waist, can’t smell his vanilla perfume mixing with Nick’s for any longer. He picks up his keys, shrugging on his jacket hanging by the bannister.

“I’m going to work.” Is all Louis says, slipping out of the door. 

Before he slams it shut, he faintly hears Harry yell. “Don’t we fucking know it!”

*

Louis doesn’t go to work. 

He drives until he reaches a road he’s not familiar with, had been taking right and left turns at any chance he had gotten and now, he’s in the middle of nowhere. Which is difficult with London. He parks up his car on the side, struggling to breathe as he pulls out his phone and dials Zayn’s number without a second thought.

Zayn answers on the second ring. “‘Ello.”

Zayn is everything Louis could possibly ask for in a best friend. He resembles calmness, always so laid back and never taking anything too hard upon himself. There’s something about Zayn, mysterious and always radiating good vibes whenever Louis spends time with him. Zayn has a hard time trusting others, letting people in and yet, he lets Louis see the most private, hidden parts of him, he lets it all open just for him. Their friendship is special. Louis needs him right now.

Louis chokes when he hears his voice, unable to hold it back anymore as he balls his fists and pushes to his eyes to prevent any tears spilling.

Zayn seems to notice, growing silent before. “Lou..?”

“Zayn,” he mutters brokenly.

“Shit, what’s wrong, Lou? Babe?”

But Louis can’t bring his current feelings to words, only crying. He sobs out loud, unashamed and not hiding on the phone to Zayn. He feels a little better knowing someone’s on the line, waiting to comfort him and he thanks the Gods for the day he met Zayn.

“Everything is so shit,” Louis whines.

“Why so, babe?”

“It’s all just fucking ruined!” He slams his hand down on the steering wheel before putting his forehead against it and breathing heavily.

“Did anything happen?”

“Just… me and Harry had an argument at dinner at Liam’s and then he disappeared and today morning, he came home with Nick. I’m just so fucking tired, Z.”

“Nick?”

“Yeah, one of his old work mates. It’s not that. It’s just, I haven’t touched my husband properly in so fucking long and some random guy gets to put his hands on Harry. I fucking miss him, Zee.”

Zayn listens, it’s what he’s good at the most and hums at all the right times as Louis talks and talks. He tells Zayn about where it went all wrong, how he’d lay awake and think about how they became so distant, how Harry spews hurtful words at him and he returns them without a second thought. He tells Zayn about how Harry thinks Louis’ not responsible of the children, accuses him of loving his job more than his family, how they argue every time they talk and can’t spend a minute alone together without erupting into another fight. How everything feels impossible and his house no longer feels like a home.

“If things are so bad, why don’t you come and stay up at Newcastle with me for a while?” 

Louis snorts because yeah, right. Like that’d work out really well. It’d definitely go down well with Harry.

“I can’t just drop my job and come up to see you, let alone what Harry would think.” He pauses. “Why don’t you talk to him, Zee? He misses you.”

Zayn sighs heavily and pauses before speaking. “I know I let him down, I hurt him by moving away and I don’t want to continue hurting him.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“No, it’s true, Lou. I know I hurt him and I hurt his relationship, yours and that’s what Harry treasures. I couldn’t keep being the reason for the strain between you two. Reaching out to him now will only cause more problems.”

“You broke his heart.”

Zayn sounds really small and faraway when he agrees. “Yeah, I know.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Louis whispers, rubbing his fingers into his temples as he tries to sort through his thoughts. He needs to mend his relationship with Harry before things really do turn to shit and there’s no way to fix it.

“Go to him, talk to him. Fix it. Just crowd him in a corner alone and speak. That’s all you’ve been lacking.”

They talk for a bit more until Louis’ back down to earth, his anger no longer consuming him before he bids his farewell and hangs up. He doesn’t return home straight away, knowing Nick will still be there. Instead, he takes the opportunity to go the grocery shop, pick up a few things he knows Harry loves. He’s going to apologise, ask for a second chance and he’s going to mean it. He’s going to cut back hours, he’s going to spend more time with Harry, make friday date nights a reality again and he’s going to prove to Harry he’s a good father. 

He spends the entire day out, hours and hours shopping and buying each of his children something special. He gets a new toyhouse for Lola, he gets the twins miniature toy cars, a water gun and puts it all in the backseat of his car. When it’s nearly 7pm and he knows Nick will be gone and the kids will be settling for dinner, he finally drives back.

Louis gets all the presents out of the back, feeling somewhat better and lighter than he has in months and lets himself into the house.

Instantly, Shane and Noah run up to him, chanting ‘daddy’ before hugging him. He holds them close, asking how their day has been and conversing before handing over their gifts. Lola’s nowhere to be seen so he’ll call her down later. He just needs to find Harry right now and talk to him, figure things out.

He walks into the living room, about to call Harry’s name but immediately letting his mouth clamp shut.

Right before his eyes is Harry, all cuddled up and snuggled next to Nick. Nick’s holding him close by the waist, their eyes on the TV as they sip beer together. It’s just.. So homely and so intimate and Louis swears he’s going to lose his mind. He walks over, knocking the bottle of beer right out of Nick’s hand. He feels enraged.

“What the hell?” Nick complains loudly.

“Louis, _enough_.” Harry says.

Louis holds up a finger to Harry, shutting him up before his eyes fall back to Nick. “You have five seconds exactly to get the fuck out of my house. I fucking mean it.” He threatens.

Nick look at him challengingly, not moving from his space but Harry notices when a threat is real. He looks over to Nick, ushering him to leave. Louis watches from where he stands, the way Harry hands him his coat and promises to call before slamming the door behind Nick. He finally exhales, feeling more relieved than he has in a while.

Then, he’s faced with Harry who looks equally as fury. All the relief washes right off him.

“What the fuck was that?”

“What do you mean? You all handsy with Nick when you can’t even bear to look at me, really? Harry, do you think I’m _stupid_?”

“There’s nothing wrong with cuddling a friend!”

“It looks a fair bit more than friends!” Louis yells, throwing his hand in the air out of pure frustration and lack of other words. “You hold him like you never want to be held by anyone else!”

“So fucking what?”

“So fucking-- I am your husband, Harry! Or have you forgotten that?”

Harry laughs humorlessly, rubbing the side of his jeans and shaking his head. “That’s fucking rich, even for you.”

“Have you ever kissed Nick?” Louis questions, tilting his head to the side as he lets his insecurities pour right out of him. He should probably take his moment to stop, to not let himself go and say something he’s going to regret. “Wanted him like you once wanted me?”

Of course, Louis doesn’t believe Harry would ever check on him. He doesn’t believe their relationship has been reduced to absolutely nothing, doesn’t believe either of them would resort to another man. But Louis can’t help the thoughts passing through him, swivelling around, making him look pathetically small and weak. 

Harry looks like he’s been stabbed.

“I can’t believe you’d say that,” his voice sounds low, turning on his heel and walking back to the kitchen.

But there is no way Louis’ going to let this argument slide. This time, he wants it to hurt Harry and he wants to say everything he feels until it’s embedded in Harry’s mind. He wants to argue until they’re both bleeding and hurting from the words. He wants to argue until it’s all out of their system and then sleep it off, start all over again the next morning. He doesn’t want grudges anymore.

“So, tell me then?” Louis presses on, pushing the nonexistent matter. “Have you ever looked at him and wanted him in ways that I give it to you?”

“Where the fuck is this coming from?!”

“From the fact that you’re so happy around him, he’s probably giving you more happiness than I ever will at this point!”

“Fuck you, Louis. Just _fuck you_.”

“You know, I was just on the phone to Zayn today and I was telling him how everything has gone to shit between us,” he starts, purposely using Zayn’s name in his arguments because that’s when it really gets started. That’s when the argument becomes heated and the yelling is deafening. “He asked me to come up and stay at Newcastle with him.”

Harry’s eyes flash. “Go then.”

“You just gonna let me go, just like that?”

“I literally don’t give a shit. Go, go and meet Zayn and do whatever the _hell_ you want.” His voice cracks at the last word.

“Fine, I will!” Louis yells back, about to swivel around and leave the room. He doesn’t want to be here anymore, anyway. He can’t stand Harry right now, doesn’t even want to look him in the face anymore. He’s ashamed to call him his husband when it’s like this -- when their relationship isn’t strong enough to survive the toughest tides.

But, Harry grabs his hands and turns him right back around before planting a hard, firm kiss on his lips.

Louis wants to push him away, wants to hit his chest again and again until he’s aware of how much Harry hurts him. How Harry breaks him down, makes him feel exhausted and entirely too tired to carry on with life.

Instead, he responds instantly and pulls Harry closer to his chest as he lets his hands work all over Harry’s body. He focuses on what else he loves about Harry, how happy Harry makes him, how he can surprise Louis with the littlest things, how he’s the best father and can be the best husband. He knows, he’s seen it before. Even if he doesn’t see it anymore.

“Fuck _you_ ,” Louis spits when he pulls away only to crash their lips back together.

They stumble up the stairs, barely taking their lips off each other and fumbling with their jean zips. Louis pushes Harry into their bedroom, slamming the door shut and locking it before crowding Harry against it and kissing him senseless. He kisses Harry like he can’t breathe without his lips, like it’s his oxygen. He kisses him because he hasn’t felt those plump lips against him in the longest time, not like this, not desperate and clashing teeth together as their tongues meet. Louis wedges his thigh in between Harry’s thighs, rutting down and moaning shamelessly as he parts their lips to pace themselves. Instead, he focuses on giving Harry all his attention, working down his throat and sucking bruises on every available flesh to him. Harry gives it to him, could never deny it either -- keen, eager, moving to meet Louis’ grinding and moaning.

“Get on the fucking bed,” Louis growls, pulling away and grabbing a fist of Harry’s hair, tilting it upwards. “Gonna fuck you so hard you remember it for weeks,” he whispers roughly into his mouth, watching in amazement how Harry nods eagerly, how his adam's apple moves when he gulps.

Harry does as instructed, following to the bed and throwing his clothes off to one side of the room. Louis follows, slowly taking his jeans off, not taking his eyes off Harry and starts stroking himself as he pulls his top off too. Harry looks beautiful like this, wide-eyed in surprise yet taking everything Louis gives. Not complaining once. Looking already wrecked without Louis even touching him yet.

“You’re so hot,” Louis says, unable to keep the affection out of his voice, finally joining him in bed and grabbing a hold of Harry’s cock.

Harry moans out loud from the contact, leaning up to the touch as his mouth falls open. Louis doesn’t remember the last time he had the pleasure of holding him, of jerking him off and getting him to a high. He revels in the memory now, familiarity spreading through his tired bones as he starts moving his fist up and down his cock quick and fast.

Harry shakes his head, whimpering. “I’m gonna come if you keep-”

Louis leans down, taking him into his mouth again as he bites Harry’s bottom lip. “You aren’t going to come until I say so, got it?”

Maybe this is a way for Louis to feel in control again, to gain back the status he’s lost in their relationship. He takes the lead. He fucking loves it. Loves watching Harry’s doey eyes and his reactions, always so eager, always taking what he’s given, never complaining. So fucking perfect.

And God, Louis loves him. He loves him so much it hurts in every physical place. He loves Harry so much that he’d lay down his life for this boy, give him everything and anything, would give up anything for him. He loves Harry so much that he cries about it, the overwhelming feeling of wanting someone so entirely and so completely -- the rare and beautiful feeling of being in love at all. The beautiful feeling of being in love with someone as amazing as Harry.

“Fuck, yes, yes,” Harry chants, squeezing his eyes shut.

Louis smirks, taking Harry into his mouth and taking him all the way down his throat like practiced, like he knows. On cue, Harry’s eyes fly open, his mouth dropping open as his hands come to lay in Louis’ hair, pulling. Louis works around his cock like he knows, suctioning his lips and taking him down until it hits the back of his throat, using as much as tongue possible to lick the underside. Harry feels like ecstasy and moans like it too. So loud, unabashed and Louis wants to drink up all his sounds.

“Stop, stop. I’m going to come,” Harry pants, shaking his head as he pushes at Louis’ head to pull him away.

Louis rolls his eyes but he feels like he’s going to die too if he doesn’t get some contact with his cock. It’s been so so long, too fucking long, since he’s had Harry in their bed and since they’ve touched each other so passionately.

Louis leans down, kissing him firmly once again because he can.

“Gonna fuck you now,” Louis announces, opening the bedside table drawer and pulling out lube. “Gonna fuck you good, hard and fast. Just the way I know you like it.”

“Yes, please, please, Lou.”

“Ssh.” Louis smiles down at him, taking a second to observe how beautiful he is. “You’re phenomenal, you know?”

“I’m sure your dick will feel phenomenal too, if you hurry the fuck up.”

Louis smacks him lightly on his inner thighs before spreading his thighs apart, coming to settle between them. He wants to face Harry when he fucks him, wants to observe his face and memorise the way his mouth falls open when Louis pushes in and how he squeezes his eyes shut. 

He uses his dry finger to circle around Harry’s rim, watching the way it clenches and teases him until he’s sure Harry’s riled up, horny and ready. Only then does he spread lube on one of his fingers, circling his rim and then warning Harry before pushing in. He starts slow, inching in slowly and keeping his eyes trained on Harry, judging his reactions. Once his finger is all the way in up to the knuckle he starts thrusting, in and out. He keeps going until Harry’s begging for another and he doesn’t deny him of anything, would never as he adds a second finger alongside. Louis leans forward, cutting the gap between them to connect their lips together as he moves his fingers inside of him. He moves his lips down, biting down at Harry’s collarbones, listening to him hiss out loud.

Harry takes it, nodding and chanting his name again and again. He falls quiet, just leaves his mouth hanging open when Louis adds a third finger and really fucks him. He pumps his fingers in fast, extracting just as fast before pushing in deep and hard. He angles his fingers upwards, trying to stroke his prostate and seems to hit it dead-on when Harry moans all of a sudden.

“Fuck. _Fuck_ ,” Harry cries on, gripping Louis’ biceps and arching his back, eyes squeezed shut. “Again, babe. Again.”

Louis gives him what he wants, nodding and keeps pressure on his prostate, watching how Harry’s cock twitches against his stomach and squirts out pre-cum. He keeps enough pressure until Harry’s sure he’s about to come before extracting his fingers entirely.

Harry whines at the loss inside of him, whimpering. “Louuuuuu.”

“Gonna give you my cock now, darling,” he says, slicking up his length with lube to ensure he won’t hurt Harry. After all, it has been a while and he wants to be as gentle as possible whilst fucking Harry until he can’t breathe. “God, I’ve fucking missed this.”

Harry seems to want it, nodding. “Please.”

“Please what?”

He groans. “Please, Lou, please give me your cock. Fuck me until I can’t see. Fuck me till I can only scream your name, please.”

Louis lets out an involuntary whimper at the words too, leaning down to kiss him hard once again, biting on his bottom lip before pulling away. He doesn’t waste anymore time. He starts inching his cock in slowly, holding Harry’s forearm and watching his expression carefully. 

When he’s bottomed out, he waits as he strokes Harry’s arm and waits for the signal to continue. Eventually, Harry nods, giving the go to start fucking him properly.

So, he does.

Louis fucks him whilst remembering his anger, his frustration towards Harry and all their arguments. It causes him to thrust harder, deeper, releasing all his pent-up anger towards their broken relationship into Harry. He wants the boy to feel, feel how utterly broken he’s been, how he’s afraid of losing him and how no one will ever fuck him like this. How he’s all Louis’ and only his. _Mine. Mine. Mine._ He pulls out nearly all the way before slamming in again, causing Harry to choke on his breath, one hand in the sheets turning white and one hand on Louis.

Louis changes his angle, fucking up to his prostate and holds Harry’s dick as he starts stroking it.

“Want you to come while I fuck you,” he simply states, fucking dead on his prostate and jerking Harry off so fast that it takes the boy barely a few minutes before he’s crying out loud and releasing white liquid into Louis’ fists.

Louis moans at the sight of Harry, how fucking obscene he looks before he takes his come covered fingers up to Harry. 

Harry looks up to him through his lashes, taking his fingers down his throat and sucking off his own come. It shouldn’t be nearly as hot as it is. Louis starts fucking his throat with his fingers too, wanting Harry to taste it all as he continues to fuck him.

Eventually, Louis reaches his high and he garbles out a warning before releasing right into Harry. He keeps thrusting until every bit of come is released, waiting for a few moments before extracting his fingers and his cock from Harry’s hole. He watches in a trance as the come oozes out of Harry’s hole, he picks up some with his fingers, licking it and then guiding it to Harry’s mouth again.

Harry licks it all up, not even complaining. Louis curses out loud, watching his fingers work around Louis’ fingers and he’s incapable of speaking. 

They stay like that for a few minutes, just staring at each other with Louis still between Harry’s thighs like that’s the place he truly belongs. Until, finally, the spell is broken and Louis moves away. He grabs a flannel, wiping away at the remaining come and they fall asleep, Louis cuddling Harry close to his chest like it’s the last time.

*

I couldn’t help but ask  
For you to say it all again.  
I tried to write it down  
But I could never find a pen.  
I’d give anything to hear  
You say it one more time,  
That the universe was made  
Just to be seen by my eyes.

**Sleeping At Last - Saturn**  
*

Louis doesn’t sleep easy all night. He keeps tossing and turning, tormented with his own thoughts and the feeling of something bad about to occur in the near future. He can feel it, can sense the inevitable around the corner but he can’t figure it out why. Despite cuddling Harry close to his chest, he still feels out of place and he wonders since when the feeling of holding his soulmate close to him has burned out.

Regardless, in the morning his bad feeling is proven right. He’s dashing around the room, trying to get ready for work since the court trial date is only a few days away. He needs to be prepared, on top of his schedule and ready to take on the jury and sway them his way. Harry’s watching him from bed with heavy lidded eyes, regret behind them.

Louis panics a little when they meet in eye contact, scowling. “Out with it, Harry. Stop looking at me like this.”

He doesn’t stop in one place to listen to his answer, picking out his favourite black and red tie and pulling up his collar to put it on. He doesn’t have the time for any conversation right now but he’s not going to leave without hearing what the boy has to say after last night.

Harry’s mouth twists in discomfort, fidgeting with his fingers. “Lou..”

He sighs heavily, throwing his shoes on the floor and slipping into them easily before crouching to do the laces. “You gonna handle the kids morning or you going to invite Nick?” Oops, clearly the resentment from last night has not faded.

Harry frowns. “Louis.” He says sternly. Like he has any right.

Louis bites his lips, looking away and refusing to start an argument right now. Surely, the two of them should be able to talk without getting caught up in hurtful words and anger.

“Are you going to handle them or shall I?” He repeats his question, wording it better.

Harry shrugs. “I will.”

“Cool,” and he begins to walk away, out of the door to the kitchen.

“Louis, wait.”

“Yes, Harry?” He turns around, narrowing his eyes. His patience is wearing thin with the way Harry’s looking at him, like a cat cornered in the corner. Like there’s something truly, really bothering him and it’s causing Louis’ skin to crawl.

“Can we talk?”

He tries to relax and nods. “Yeah? What is it?”

“I think… I really think,” Harry pauses like it’s impossible for him to say, wringing his fingers and twisting the rings around his fingers. Louis pauses too, raising one brow at him and not liking how his stomach is fluttering now. “I think we should take a break.”

Out of all things, Louis certainly wasn’t expecting _that._

He stands there, staring in disbelief, mostly frozen in shock. The words replay in his mind a few times, unsure if he heard right. Judging by Harry’s expression, his sorrowful sad pout and his eyes shut - he had heard right. Harry wants a break. He wants a break from their relationship, from their lives. 

He’s not sure how to react, not sure if he’s still dreaming and this is all a lie. Maybe, he’ll wake up again and the morning will restart and this never happened. They’ll wake up in each other’s arms, kissing each other and getting into the shower together. But surely enough, no matter how many times Louis blinks, he’s still standing by the bed and Harry’s still enveloped by the covers. And Harry still said they should take a break.

Louis stares until his eyes are burning with unshed tears. “What?” He finally lets out, not trusting himself to say anything else.

Harry looks like he wants to take back the words now, eyes brimming with tears too as he begins to fiddle with the duvet. Fucking hell. He just wants Harry to sit still, he wants to take it back and he wants to pretend this isn’t fucking happening right now because he can’t fucking deal with it. Not when he already has so much going on in his mind, not when he wants to fix things between them. Not when he wants to take a step forward instead of five steps back.

“Tell me you didn’t say what you just said,” Louis’ voice is low and a hint of warning behind it as he steps closer to the bed. “You did not just say that. Please.”

As hesitant Harry seems, he nods his head like he refuses to take it back. “I strongly believe we should take a break. A divorce.”

“A break or a divorce?”

“Both.”

Louis scoffs, not being able to believe what Harry’s actually asking of him right now. His heart is twisting and turning in a million different ways, he had never envisioned this day right before his eyes. He had always imagined the two of them can push through anything, everything and when it gets tough, they can work on it until they solve it. They’ve had a few big disputes, times when they thought they wouldn’t make it through but they always did. They always pulled through and came back to each other. But, clearly not now. Because Harry’s weak enough to ask for a divorce, for a break. To be separate.

Louis can’t imagine his life without Harry -- even if all they do is argue. He’s spent 15 entire years with this boy, more than a decade. He’s created a routine, a lifestyle with him and to break that all up and start fresh all over makes him feel like he may just die instead.

“I can’t believe this,” Louis mutters, running a hand through his hair. “Surely, you’re not serious, Harry?”

“I am.”

“We’ve been together for _fifteen years_. Couples that last that long don’t just call it quits!”

“We’re not healthy for each other!” Harry stands his case, shaking his head and arguing right back. “You know we’re not. All we do is argue, we cause misery to each other and I can’t take it anymore.”

“So you’re not even going to fight for us?” Louis questions, though his voice is shaky and his legs are shaking like he may collapse any second. “You’re just going to let us go? Just like that? We have a _family_ , we have _children_.”

“I know you don’t agree-”

“Damn right, I don’t!”

“Why not, though?”

“Why not?! Because I’ve been taught to not just give up when it’s difficult. I’ve been taught to get what I want, to keep what I want and I _want you, I love you._ Isn’t that enough?”

Harry shakes his head slowly, his eyes full of sorrow like this is equally killing him. But he’s the one who suggested it, he doesn’t get to look pained and hurt when he wants this willingly. 

“Love isn’t enough.”

Louis bites his lips, he’s sure he’s crying now. He’s sure there’s tears rolling down his cheeks because… is this reality? Is this actually happening? Is he really not dreaming? He’s sure he’s ugly crying with snot running down his nose, once again looking pathetic but not caring either.

“Fuck you, Harry. I can’t believe you’d do this to me.” His voice breaks on the last word, bringing a hand up to muffle his sobs. 

Harry looks absolutely devastated, torn between reaching out and comforting him and keeping his hands to himself. He does the latter. He keeps his hands under the duvet to resist temptation.

“What about our children, Harry? Will we just put them through a divorce, a broken family? Is that what we really want for them?”

“We’ll have joint custody, of course. I have no problem with that.”

Louis chokes again, shaking his head in blind rage and more tears spill down his face and why the fuck isn’t Harry crying too? 

“So, what? I just get to see my children on the fucking weekend, that’s it?”

Harry nods. “Since I’m the one who's around more, it seems perfectly reasonable that they get to live with me.”

“You’ve never been supportive of me,” Louis spits, loosening his tie because he feels like he’s suffocating in this bedroom of theirs that they’ve shared for six years. It’s no longer a safe place. “You were always fucking spiteful of my job.”

Harry looks uncomfortable. “I never hated your job or you, I know how much it means to you but with our timetable and lives, it’s not convenient.”

“There’s no way I’m going to see the twins on the weekends only, they’re biologically mine.”

And Harry and Louis had vowed they’d never ever bring up whose kid is whose biologically. It was a rule they never argued about, they considered all three of them theirs equally. But Louis has to. Because, Shane and Noah share his blood and he doesn’t have to follow Harry’s fucking rules. He’s a lawyer, he’ll take it to court if he has to and fight his own damn case. He’s not going to be reduced to only seeing them on the weekends, it’s not fucking fair. It’s not fair that this was a discussion at all, even.

Harry frowns. “Louis…”

“I can’t do this,” he decides, turning on his heel and opening the wardrobe to pull out an overnight bag. He’s not sure where he’s going to go, doesn’t even really care either. He just can’t stand here for a minute longer, looking at Harry’s sympathetic pitiful looks and how Harry’s not even crying. Whilst Louis’ sure he’s about to crumble and break apart. “Just can’t.” He throws his clothes into the bag, not even looking.

Harry gets up from the bed, _finally_ , and walks over to Louis. He attempts to reach out but Louis bats his hands away, giving him a dangerous, warning glare. 

“ _Don’t_ touch me.”

Harry frowns, his bottom lip wobbling. “Where are you going?”

“That’s never bothered you before,” he scoffs, throwing clean boxers in and walking into his ensuite to pull out his wash bag. “Don’t fucking pretend to care now.”

“Of course I care, Lou.”

“Fuck off. Go fuck yourself.” Louis says simply, too upset to say anything else as he zips up his bag and begins to exit the room.

Harry follows right after. “Are you just going to leave during this conversation?”

“Watch me,” Louis simply challenges, walking right out of the front door without a simple glance backwards, slamming the door shut and finally exhaling.

~

You and I are two oceans apart  
We're on earth to break each others hearts, in two  
And it's hard with you  
When I'm too far from you  
I look at the stars, do you?  
Don't tell me about the rules and break them

Don't say you love me more  
Better not say it

**The Neighbourhood - Ferrari**

 

*

Turns out, Niall is great at comforting others. He certainly knows exactly how to comfort Louis. He picks up on the second ring when Louis calls at soon as he leaves, listening to his blubbering and his tears then tells him to shut the fuck and he’s coming to pick him up. Niall takes him home, gives him a warm cup of tea and warns him he’s not allowed to go work. Louis miserably texts Liam who seems to understand. He orders takeaway, puts on a movie and later, let's Louis cry on his shoulders.

Louis’ not in the mood to talk. He doesn’t want to talk about Harry or the past fifteen years. He just wants to forget everything, he just wants to focus on himself and he wants to stop fucking crying. Liam stops by, giving him a pep talk and promising he can handle the first trial date for Daisy all on his own.

It’s been three nights since he’s been sleeping at Niall’s and he fucking misses Harry. He misses his children. He misses Shane’s lazy smile in the mornings, Noah’s crying because he isn’t a morning person at all, Lola’s excited chatter for school and her requests for breakfast. He misses coming home to his children, how they run up to him and hug him, how Lola recalls her entire day, how Harry comes in with an apron and his hair up in a bun, kissing him and asking him about his day. He just fucking misses it all.

Yet, he can’t bring himself to call because he doesn’t want to hear Harry’s voice. He’s not even sure if it’s over. He’s not even sure if they’ve officially called it quits, broken it off. Is Louis single now? After 15 entire years? Is his marriage officially over or will it require more agonizing conversations like the one three mornings ago?

He’s snapped out of his self pitiful thoughts when his phone buzzes with a notification alert. He glances down, noticing it’s Harry’s name and his heart starts speeding up. He debates whether or not he wants to answer, if it’s something that’ll further push the knife in his wound. Reluctantly, he picks his phone up and unlocks to the message.

_‘Papa is sad. Where r u??? Daddy???’_

It must be Lola.

Taking a few deep breaths, he dials Harry’s number and waits for a few rings before someone picks up.

“Daddy,” Lola breathes out.

He feels warmth spreading through his veins when he hears his daughter’s voice, nearly choking up and bursting into tears because he misses her so fucking much.

“My baby.. Is everything okay?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at Niall’s. Are you okay, are the boys okay?”

She huffs, sounding worked up and upset. “Papa doesn’t move from his room all day, what did you _do_?” The accusation is her voice is clear and Louis wonders how many days Harry’s been upset whilst Louis’ at work.

He bites back the bile in his throat. “What’s wrong with papa?”

“He cries, all the time and he never does anything and Nick drops us off to school.”

Well, that’s just not on. Louis doesn’t want anyone dropping his children off to school, let alone Nick. Why is Harry so broken apart when he’s the one who suggested the break, he’s the one who wanted to take a step away from their relationship. He’s hardly allowed to be the one to cry now.

Louis resists all his spiteful words, biting his tongue because it’s Lola. He hasn’t talked to her in three whole days and he’s not going to bad mouth Harry or Nick to her. Instead, he pulls at his collar helplessly. He wants to be with her, wants to speak to her in person - the distance is killing him.

“I’ll drop you guys off tomorrow, yeah?” He suggests.

“It’s the weekend tomorrow.”

“Then Monday, baby.”

There’s a pause and Louis’ sure he can hear her sniffling. His heart shatters further, he wants to comfort her, hold her hair and stroke it. He wants to say something, anything, to make her better. But there’s no words to make this situation better.

“Are you never coming back, daddy?”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

The question brings Louis to tears, breaks him apart further because he knows this is hurting his baby. He knows he’s breaking her heart. He never wanted this, he never wanted any of this.

He shakes his head before realising Lola can see him, can’t see how broken about this whole ordeal he is. She thinks her father is purposely staying away, probably blaming herself and so confused.

“I am.. I am.”

“When?”

“I don’t know, Lola,” he answers truthfully, his chest twisting.

There’s no answer from her and the line goes dead. Lola hung up on him.

*

“Hello?”

Louis feels warmth and relief surging through his veins at the sound of his mother on the other line, nearly choking on his unshed tears and clearing the lump in his throat. He sounds croaky and horrid from crying nonstop for the past few days, from neglecting food and only chugging back endless alcohol and turning up to work drunk from the night before.

“Mum..” 

Jay must notice the hesitation and the pain in his voice because there’s a painful pause from the other line before. 

“Are you alright, boo?”

Louis bites his bottom lip. He’s sitting in the spare bedroom in Niall’s apartment, he’s been here for four days now. He comes home straight from work, doesn’t do anything except sit on the bed and stare at the walls until everything feels numb. He doesn’t know how to cope without Harry.

“No.” He whispers, the word causing him to crack as he starts crying.

“Baby, Lou,” Jay’s muttering, sounding panic-stricken. “What’s going on, love?”

Louis can’t muster a reply, shaking his head repeatedly as he tucks his knees to his chest and rests his head between his legs. He doesn’t want to cry anymore, he’s so sick and tired of feeling this pain. Of feeling like there’s a permanent hole in his chest that can’t be filled, doesn’t want to be filled either. Yet the tiniest affection directed towards him causes him to break out crying, once again. 

“It’s not good, mum,” he admits with a shake in his voice, shivering as he cuddles within himself.

“Mmm. Tell me, Lou. You’re really worrying me.”

“I… me- I- Harry-” then he stops, it’s too difficult to bring to words and lets himself sob silently on the line. He feels comforted with his mother on the other line, feeling at home with her heavy breathing down the line. He knows if Jay was here now, she’d draw him close to his chest, stroke his hair and let him cry on her shoulder before baking him lemon tarts with tea and asking for details. He needs to be close to his mother so bad, right now.

“Harry, what? Darling?”

“Give me a second, mum,” he requests, voice thick.

“Okay, sweetheart. Of course.”

Louis takes a second to compose himself, let his breathing regulate back to normal before he comes back down to earth. He needs to hold himself together as he talks to his mother, needs to make it through this conversation without breaking down into tears several times. The topic is difficult to ponder about for too long, let alone discuss, yet it’s all he does. It’s all he can think about and he can’t get Harry out of his mind.

After a few minutes of his crying settling down and Jay waiting, he finally exhales heavily.

“So.”

“So?” Jay prompts, responding immediately on edge and waiting for him to speak and explain.

“Don’t be mad at me, please. Mum, please.”

“Don’t be silly, Louis!” She scolds, though her voice isn’t unkind. “Whatever this is, is killing you and I’d be a stupid person to be mad about it. Did you do something wrong? We can work it out, if you did. Me, you and Harry-”

“Me and Harry might be separating.”

Might be. It’s not even for definite, he’s not even sure where he stands with his own husband in this moment of time because he’s too afraid to pick up the phone and give him a call. He’s too fucking scared to hear what he fears the most. So, his relationship status is in ruins at the moment.

Jay pauses on the other line like she’s not quite sure what she’s just heard. “Excuse me?” She asks.

Louis lets out a wet chuckle. “Yup. Me and Harry might be.. Separating. Or already separate. I… I don’t really know.”

“How on earth has this managed to happen, Lou?”

“It’s such a long story, mum and I’m so sorry I haven’t told you before.”

“It’s okay, boo. What’s happening between you and Harry is personal and I don’t expect you to pick up the phone and tell me straight away.” She sighs. “Just, it’s so unexpected to hear this. I never imagined you’d be having problems.”

“Well, we are.”

“How so? What’s going on?”

So Louis lets it all out. He starts from the beginning, when he started getting more busy and more involved at the firm. He talks through the whole situation with Jay, not leaving out any single detail so she knows they’re both in the wrong. That they both need to work on the relationship problems they have. He talks about the dinner party argument, how the children had looked at Louis like he had just murdered someone. He skips out the angry, passionate sex and jumps right to the separation conversation they had.

Jay listens quietly, humming and making appropriate sounds at all the right times but leaving all her comments right until the end. When Louis’ spent of all his energy, has poured his heart out and possibly cried one more time whilst explaining, he flops back on the bed and exhales.

“What a mess, eh?” Is the first thing Jay says with a wry laugh.

Louis lets out a strangled laugh too, nodding into his pillow. “I know mum. I have no idea how to get out of this.”

“You have to let some time pass, baby. Going back too early might just make things worse, you and Harry clearly need some time apart. You haven’t been healthy for each other and having some space is never a bad thing.”

“I know, mum but it’s killing me. It’s quite literally killing me.”

She sighs sympathetically. “Give it time and then fight for him, show him you won’t back down so easily. That you’ve married him for a reason and you won’t walk away.”

“Only if he wants me to do that.”

“Why wouldn’t he?” Jay demands to know, her voice firm. “Harry has married you and been with you for fifteen years, Lou. He’s not asking for a separation for the fun of it, it must be killing him too. He was mustered enough courage to ask for what he thought he needs, even if it’s not what he wants.”

Louis groans, frustrated as he pushes his face into the pillow. “Why can’t he just tell me how he feels instead of hiding it all, pretending we don’t matter.”

“Maybe he feels like he has no other choice.”

“He does, he always will!”

“But he does he know that, baby?”

Louis pauses, shrugging. “I don’t know. God, I miss your mum. So much.”

Jay’s voice sounds thick with emotions when she replies. “Me too, Lou. Please do come visit us soon, yeah? The girls miss you terribly.”

“I will.. Mum. I just need to fix this mess first.”

“You will, Louis. You will fix it.”

*

Despite Liam’s promises that he can handle the first court date, he doesn’t let his best mate go through it alone. Louis’ handled most of the case, spent the most time working on it and with Daisy - it’s hardly fair to pass the job onto Liam. He sucks up his damaged ego, pulling himself together and starting to get ready to look presentable for court.

“You don’t mind me borrowing, do you?” He asks, pulling the tie off the hanger and putting it on.

“Not at all, Lou. My shit is yours.”

He rolls his eyes fondly, kindly ignoring the sentiment because he can’t handle it right now. He needs tough love, not gentle and caring words. He wants to get over it, he wants to get on with his life. It’s difficult, though.

Louis doesn’t know how to live his life without Harry, he’s so accustomed to his husband and how their lives work together. They’ve been married for ten years and not even one day had he imagined it would result to this. He’s reduced to absolutely nothing. He lost his man and his children in a matter of a few days. Louis feels heartbroken and he wants nothing more than go back to his house, pull Harry into his chest and apologise and promise they’ll make it work. But he’s not going to. Harry said it - he wants a divorce. Louis can’t push the words out of his mind, he can’t stop repeating the argument in his mind.

It’s over. It has to be over. He can’t go back in that house and face him. It’s over.

Liam has a stern expression on his face when Louis arrives at the office in the early hours of the morning. He explains that there’s no way Liam’s going to do this alone, that Louis’ coming along no matter what he says. Liam gives in, not wanting to be late as they drive down to the court and are lead to a room where Daisy sits.

Louis runs through the details of their case, the angle they’re going to fight through today. Today isn’t too heavy. Mostly, the prosecutors are going to present their evidence and Daisy will either declare whether she’s guilty or not. Louis instructs she takes not guilty, that there’s a good chance they can get off with a short sentence when he presents all his evidence in later coming dates. 

Louis wants to call Harry, wants to explain how important today is and how he needs some sort of comfort. He wants his husband's soothing words, promising he’ll be good no matter what. That he’s sorry that he keeps working so hard, so long that he’s managed to neglect his family because of it. No call is made. No call comes through, either.

The court is stressful and the evidence is pressing against Daisy but Louis takes it all in, gearing up to fight the next time. Daisy declares not guilty and bail is set at some ridiculously high price that she certainly can’t afford. Then, that’s that. Court is adjourned and Daisy’s been lead away.

When the day is over, Louis’ drained and really, he just wants to go home and sleep. Until he realises, he can’t go home and pulls up outside Niall’s house again. He tries not to let the sinking feeling in the pits of his stomach overwhelm him as he cuts off his engine and follows into Niall’s place. The night follows pretty normal to what he’s been getting used for the past week, Niall prepares dinner and they watch it over shitty TV not speaking a word to each other about the obvious mess right before them.

*

“You ever going to try fix things with Harry?” Liam asks as they sit in the park for their extended break, wanting to catch a bit of sunshine and some food after their well deserved work yesterday.

Louis licks his icecream, rolling his eyes at the mention of his name. “Fix what?”

“Well… your relationship?”

“Don’t think he wants it to be patched up, if I’m being honest,” Louis shrugs like it’s no big deal. Like it hasn’t been eating away at him for this entire week. Like it’s not a problem that he hasn’t seen his children in more than a week now. 

“But you staying away isn’t going to help either.”

“He wants a _divorce_ , Li. He doesn’t want me to stay nearby, he doesn’t want to fix things - he made it clear about what he wants.”

“So, why don’t you fight for him, Lou? Why don’t you tell him otherwise, why don’t you put your foot down and say no.”

“You don’t think I’ve tried?” Louis sneers, losing his appetite as he scrunches his nose at the sight of ice cream. “You don’t think I told him?”

“Once, yeah.”

“Right. How many more times do you expect? Do you expect me to beg for him?”

Liam frowns, pulling at his hair with his spare hand and shaking his head. “No, ‘course not but I do think you should try more than once. Your children, if anything, deserve better than that.”

“Don’t.” He exhales sharply, his eyes fluttering shut at the mention of his children.

“It’s true, though. You love Harry and you love the twins and Lola. So, go and get your boy, Lou. I know it’s not that simple but you don’t have to complicate it either.”

“How?” Louis groans miserably because he’s just fucking tired and done with life in general. “How?”

“I don’t know like, get him alone somehow for a long time and just _talk_.” Liam sighs as he licks his ice cream. “Like, corner him into a space so he can’t escape and then just pour all your feelings out. Get him alone for days and days until he understands, you know? Fuck work, stay at home and fix this.”

And it’s like one of those moments where a light bulb flashes in Louis’ mind. Liam’s a genius. Louis knows exactly what he needs to do, now. He’s been a fool, got hurt and decided it’s better to stay away. Even though his mother calls everyday, insisting he tries harder, he hadn’t had the courage to make it happen yet. But now, it’s snapped inside of Louis and he has a plan. He’s going to keep his husband, he’s never going to let him go.

He leans over, giving Liam a wet, ice cream kiss before jumping up and collecting his bag. He can hear Liam’s confused calls after him but he ignores him, jogging right out of the park with the adrenaline rushing through him.

*

So, maybe Louis hasn’t thought out his idea as carefully as he had imagined. 

When Liam said to get Harry alone for a long time and talk, Louis instantly thought of a road trip. Him and Harry on a road trip, driving for miles and miles and talking until things were okay. Until they work it out. They could stop at cheap motels on the way, discover some cities in the UK as well as having unlimited free time to give them opportunities to talk it all through. But now, as he drives home for the first time in over a week, he realises the plan isn’t as bulletproof as he imagines.

Firstly, where the hell will the children go? Lola has school, Noah and Shane have a strict schedules. The two of them can hardly up and leave in the middle of a term, leaving their children to fend for themselves.

Secondly, what about his work? He’s bang in the middle of a court case, fighting for Daisy and representing her. Heaven knows Louis has poured time, sweat and blood into his one pro bono case. He can’t leave, he can’t just disappoint Daisy like that.

Thirdly, does Harry even want to go? Does he even want to pack his bags on a spontaneous whim on a quest to fix their relationship? Does he even want to talk to Louis, look at him - let alone try to figure it out and prevent a divorce? Harry hasn’t called once, not a single time to take back what he said and to request that they try instead. 

Louis doesn’t know and he still hasn’t figured out all the questions as he parks up outside the house, pulling his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the front door. He hasn’t been home in what feels like forever, the smell of baking overwhelming him as he feels tears springing to his eyes just from the scent. He drops his bag, standing in the hallway and debating whether this is a bad idea. Whether it’ll be right to just walk back right out and if he’ll go unnoticed.

When Lola peeks around the door, eyes widening at the sight of her daddy, she drops the book she’s reading and runs up to him. She doesn’t screech his name like she normally would, she’s at a loss of words as she cuddles him and breaks down into tears. Louis’ heart wrenches, bending down and picking her up to cuddle her properly. She wraps her arms around his neck, her legs hoisting on his waist as she sobs into him. 

Louis joins her because dammit, he’s an emotional mess. He’s missed his daughter so much and holding her again makes him feel put together again. He clutches her close, afraid he’ll break her bones if he holds her any tighter, peppering kisses all over her hair and the top of her head.

“I’m so, so sorry baby girl,” he whispers to her, hoping his voice holds the utmost sincerity so Lola will believe her.

She doesn’t reply, shaking her head fervently and snuggles closer. Louis stands right there in the hallway, not wanting to move anyway and continues to hold her, tucking his head into her shoulder.

When he finally pulls away, putting her on his hips, he notices Harry standing by the door watching with teary eyes.

Harry, the beautiful ever-so stunning Harry, who looks dashing even today. Even though he looks like a mess, truly. With his lavender eye-bags and his stuffy red nose and his swollen cheeks like he’s been crying for days on end. With his casual clothes, not bothering to have changed and stains all down his top. With his hair greasy, unmade.

“Lou?” His voice is faint like he can hardly believe it.

Louis tears his eyes away because he needs to see his baby boys and tries to pretend he didn’t just watch Harry’s expression shatter. He goes up the stairs, still holding Lola and knocks on the twins room, entering anyway.

Shane and Noah’s jaws drop in surprise as they run over to him and hug him with Lola still embracing him. Louis chuckles through his tears, choked up and it’s ridiculous how much he’s missed his children. He holds them all close, making sure to touch his boys hair, Lola’s back, stroking and comforting them all.

He spends the better of the next hour just holding them, ensuring he’s okay and he’s only been at Uncle Niall’s house because he needs a break. When Shane and Noah go down for a nap and Lola returns to her room to continue reading, only then, does Louis make him way downstairs back to where Harry’s waiting patiently in the dining room.

He’s crying, too.

“Louis..” he stands up when he sees him come into the room, sniffling and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Louis, Lou. Please, please forget I ever said anything about anything. Please, I never want anything but you. I don’t want to break up, I don’t want a divorce.”

Louis stares for a few seconds, his mind slow and not catching up with the words as fast as Harry keeps blubbering. Harry wants him. He wants to try. He doesn’t want to split up. He wants Louis as much as Louis wants him. Louis feels like his mind is spinning out of control but he composes himself.

“I need you to go upstairs and pack a bag.” He instructs Harry simply.

Harry’s mouth clamps shut, his eyes widening in surprise at Louis finally speaking. Then confusion taking over his features. “Pack? What do you mean? Are.. are you throwing me out?” His voice sounds so delicate like he’s close to breaking down completely.

Louis breathes harshly through his nose and shakes his head instantly. “No, not at all. We’re leaving.”

“Leaving?”

“Yup,” he affirms, popping the ‘p’. “We’re going on a road trip, we’re going to drive and drive until we talk everything out and we’re okay. Only then will we come back.”

“What-”

“Because there is no way in hell I’m going to lose you, Mr Harry Tomlinson.”

Harry’s lip wobbles as he bursts into a fresh set of tears. He runs forward, embracing Louis with full force and wrapping his arms around him. Louis freezes for a second, the feeling almost foreign to him before he relaxes, hugging him back. They need this. They need to be alone to sort things out and going far away is the best thing for them. He feels like he’s finally alive again, the sparks in his body radiating once again now that he has his husband back in his arms, safe and secure. He can’t help the tears slipping down his face.

Harry whispers into his neck. “What about the kids?”

“Liam and Sophia will look after them.”

“And work?”

“Fuck work,” is Louis says because that’s the reason they’re even in this situation. “Honestly, fuck it.”

Harry sniffles. “Lou.. you need-”

“No, I don’t need to do anything. What I need, right now, is to be with my husband and to work on us than some fucking job. I don’t give a shit about anything but you. Not some fucking career.”

Harry sobs again like he’s been waiting to hear those words, his whole body shaking as Louis tries to quieten him down.

“No more tears, yeah?” Louis’ voice is barely audible, croaky.

Harry nods against his chest. “No more.”


	2. Part II

You knocked me sideways  
When you said that you were leavin  
You knocked me over  
When you cried and told the truth.

I will follow you and we'll both go missin'   
No I'm never givin' up 'til my heart stops beatin'  
Never lettin' go 'til my arm stops breathing  
I will follow you and we'll both go missin' 

**The Script - Glowing**

*

Louis and Harry manage to sort everything out and they begin their journey. 

They pack up their belongings, anything deemed necessary to survive for at least two weeks on the road, into three bags between them. They drop Lola and the twins off at Liam’s. Sophia didn’t mind the extended babysitting time, insisting she’d be okay and more than glad to spend more time with the children. Saying goodbye to the children, however, isn’t as easy.

Lola’s reduced to tears, sniffling and hiccuping into Louis’ chest. Louis bites his own tears back, not wanting make this moment any more distressing than it has to be. He holds Lola close, stroking her soft brown curls and muttering sweet promises into her ear. He’s going to miss his children so much it makes his chest ache.

“We’ll talk everyday, yeah?” Louis vows, clutching her tighter. “We’ll FaceTime, call - everything.”

“Are you and papa going away to get better?” Her voice is so hopeful that it makes Louis’ stomach flutter. 

He nods into her shoulders. “We sure are, poppet. We’re going to come back and we’re never going to yell at each other again.”

Lola pauses for a second, all movement halting momentarily as she contemplates. “Okay,” she reluctantly agrees, pulling away to wipe away her tears. “As long as you don’t yell again.”

Louis lets out a light chuckle, his heart expanding five sizes before hugging her once again just because he can. Because he’s going to miss her. When he pulls away, he still holds Lola close and peppers her with wet kisses all over her cheeks. She squeals, batting his face away and exclaiming how gross he is.

Louis moves onto the twins, letting Harry have his time with Lola whilst he focuses on his boys. He crouches down to level with them, beaming at the way Noah makes grabby-hands for him. They’re both so unaware to the whole situation, so naive and innocent and Louis wants nothing but the best for his son’s. 

He cuddles Noah first then moves onto Shane, holding them close and kissing their feather soft hair.

“Papa and I will be back before you know it,” he promises the both of them.

“Where you going, daddy?”

“On a road trip, son.”

“Road trip?” Shane repeats the words slowly, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion.

Louis takes a step back, nodding and keeping both hands on the twins as he strokes them both in a comforting manner. “Yes, baby. Road trip. Me and papa are going for a long drive.”

“Can we come?” He asks, gesturing between himself and Noah.

Louis bites his lips. He wishes he could bring his children along, make it the journey of a lifetime. But he also knows this is the time he needs to be alone with his husband, needs to make amends and start all over again. Back to the basics where only the two of them understand. 

“I’m afraid not, son,” Louis gives him a small smile. “But we’ll call all the time, talk on the phone.”

They don’t seem too bothered, nodding in agreement and jumping up into Louis’ extended arms. He embraces them, holding them close and rocking them side to side before he feels Harry’s hands lightly grazing on his shoulders. It’s a gesture for them to get on the road and leave. He knows it’s time to let go. Louis pulls away with a brave smile, kissing them both on the cheeks for good measures.

He composes himself and stands up to face Liam.

Liam’s looking at him contentedly with a proud smile sprawled across his lips, standing with his arms crossed. He looks genuinely happy for Louis. Louis feels bad for leaving Liam behind with all the workload and the Daisy case. In an ideal world, he’d never ditch his best friend to handle it all by himself. But he needs to prioritise what matters the most.

“Thanks, mate,” Louis clears his thought, addressing Liam with a smile to match. “This all means so much, really and I can’t thank you enough.”

Liam dismisses him with shake of his hand, not wanting to dwell on the sentiments. “Listen, go do what you need to do for as long as you need to. This is important, Lou. This is your family and they’ll always come first. I’ve got everything handled here, you don’t need to worry.”

“If there’s a problem _at all_ you call me or-”

“Or Harry, got it,” Liam finishes.

“And with the case, if you need help or specifics or something goes wrong-”

“Louis!” Liam snaps him out of his ramblings, giving a small shake of his head. “I told you, I have it figured it out so stop freaking out.”

Louis’ shoulders slump as he finally lets all his worries leave his mind. He has to focus on what really matters now. He embraces Liam tightly, whispering one last thank you and then repeats the same with Sophia. Once he’s done, he steps back and waits for Harry to follow. Harry’s talking to Sophia, giving details about what the twins eat, the times they go to bed, school hours and Louis smiles a little to himself watching Harry working himself up. 

Finally, it’s time to leave.

Louis feels a weight on his chest as he walks away from his children towards the car. He waves fervently, watching them wave back. Louis blows kisses, tears building up in his eyes before he snatches his gaze and gets into the car. Harry not far behind him.

“Well..” Harry mutters.

“Well,” he drawls, plastering a smile on. He turns the engine on, listening to the small hum of his range rover and puts the car into drive before pulling out of Liam’s house. “Here comes the adventure of a lifetime.”  
~

Said I can't go on,  
Not in this way  
I'm a dream that died by light of day  
Gonna hold up half the sky and say  
Only I own me

And I feel my heart beating  
I feel my heart underneath my skin  
'Cause you make me feel  
Like I'm alive again

**Coldplay - Adventure of a Lifetime**

*

Louis hadn’t anticipated how awkward the drive at the beginning would be.

He shouldn’t be surprised, not really.

They had only been discussing a divorce and separation a week ago and now they’re together, alone and driving with no destination in sight. They’re confined to a small space and they’re forced to make it work. So no surprise, it’s awkward considering they haven’t been alone for so long for more than months.

The back of the car is packed to the brim with three suitcases, bags of food and toiletries. He decides they’ll drive until it’s late, can’t drive any longer and stop at the city. They’ll talk about their problems until the early hours of the morning, address the issues that bother each other and then hit the road again.

The concept is all foreign and exciting, a new way to solve their problems and a new way to save their marriage. But they can only make it work if they want it to, by putting in the utmost effort.

However, so far, they’ve been driving in silence.

Harry’s fidgeting in his seat, at a loss of doing anything else. At times, he’ll settle his head against the window and watch the world blur past and other times, he’ll look through the glovebox and slam it shut. Louis keeps his eyes glued on the road for the most part, taking the turn to enter the motorway but occasionally, his eyes will drift to where Harry sits besides him.

After an hour of silence, Harry brings out his phone and Louis immediately chides him. 

Harry halts in his actions, pulling his eyebrows together as he glances between the phone and Louis. “What?”

Louis shakes his head at the sight of the cell phone, tearing his eyes away from the road for a second to point at it. “None of that.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not rocket science, H.” Louis rolls his eyes. He doesn’t even know why his patience is already wearing thin at this conversation. “I don’t want us to use our phones on this trip unless we’re going to be talking to the kids.”

“I can’t _not_ use my phone.”

“Yes, you can and you will,” Louis sighs, his eyes moving back to focus on the road and the traffic already building up in the evening motorway. He comes to a slow stop behind the car in front of him. “I don’t want us to talk to anybody else because this is about us, about us making amends and it won’t work if we don’t focus on anybody else but us.”

“So, no calls, no texts?”

“Nope. If someone calls and it’s important, then sure but don’t just use it because you’re bored. Or whatever.”

Harry doesn’t seem to agree with the rule but he doesn’t protest either, he just nods and puts his phone in the back seat. Louis sighs in relief, trying to fiddle with own jean pocket to pull his phone out but it’s difficult when he’s trying to drive slowly behind the traffic. Harry notices the struggle, biting his lips thoughtfully.

“Let me,” he says, gently prying Louis’ fingers away. He reaches into Louis’ pocket, extracting the phone slowly and throws it back alongside his own.

It’s just them now. No distractions, nobody else but them.

“Any idea where we’re heading to first?” Harry asks.

Finally, some conversation. Louis feels a weight being lifted off his shoulders.

“Nah, I don’t really have a set plan with this road trip,” he presses down on the acceleration, beginning to build up speed again as the traffic clears up. “I just thought a different atmosphere will do us some good.”

“It’s nearly 6pm, how long do you intend to drive for?”

“It takes around four hours to drive to Manchester. It’ll be a decent stop for the night.”

Harry hums. “We should visit home whilst we’re here. Holmes Chapel and Doncaster are down Manchester, too.”

“Yeah, I think so but.. Maybe, on the way back?” Louis suggests, licking his lips. “I don’t like the idea of visiting our mothers when we’re like this.”

Harry pauses but doesn’t argue. He knows Louis’ right. As much as they miss their families and hardly get the time to visit anymore, it’s not right to turn up on their doorstep when they’re still at constant war with each other. 

They continue to drive for another hour or so in silence. After a while, Harry reaches over and turns on the car radio and lets Coldplay blare through the speakers. He sings along lightly, voice barely audible, his fingers tracing patterns on the car window. Louis watches him out of his peripheral vision, smiling fondly.

Louis’ phone rings and they both stiffen, glancing at each other.

“Can I answer it?” Louis asks Harry.

He shrugs, reaching over to grab the phone. “Don’t ask me, Lou,” he simply says, accepting the call and putting it on speaker for Louis.

“Hello, Liam,” Louis greets him.

“Hey, Lou!” Liam’s cheerful but high pitched voice comes through the line, sounding immensely stressed. “The next trial date is soon, right? I just need you to run through some things with me. I wouldn’t disturb you otherwise, I swear.”

Louis doesn’t miss the annoyed expression painting over Harry’s face but he can’t refuse to help his best friend. Not when he handed the entire responsibility to Liam.

“Sure, bud. Ask away.”

They spend the next twenty minutes on the phone together. Liam asks countless questions, asking Louis to outline the entire case so far one more time so he can take fresh notes. He asks about Daisy’s evidence, the witnesses they’ll call to stand (which is currently only one) and the dates.

Louis finds himself glancing over to Harry often, guilt taking over his features as he watches Harry fiddle with his fingers, his lips pursued. The whole purpose of this trip was to forget about work and focus on Harry yet here he is. Talking about work. When he finally hangs up the phone, he gives an apologetic glance to Harry.

“We’ll talk at the next service stop,” Louis says softly.

“I don’t expect any better.”

He lets the comment slide to prevent an argument.

*

When Louis parks up at the service stop, Harry’s out of the car and dashing inside without a second glance backwards. Louis curses heavily under his breath, locking the car and breaking into a jog to catch up to him. He certainly wasn’t expecting the first few hours of their making up to play out like this. 

He clenches his jaw as he glances around the packed fast food restaurant lines, the crowded toilets full of eager travellers trying to release. He doesn’t even know where to begin looking. He wants to feel angry at Harry for not understanding, for causing a scene and for causing Louis’ blood pressure to rise. But right now, all he cares about is finding Harry and hugging him to apologise.

Finally, after frantically searching for a few minutes, he finds Harry seated in the far corner. He’s looking out of the window, his head resting on the glass pane as he watches the happy families walking around.

Louis’ heart pings before he finds the will to move his feet and shuffle towards Harry.

“Baby..” he calls out to him, his voice as soft as butter, not wanting to interrupt his thoughts and scare him.

Harry seems to snap out of his trance, blinking lazily like he’s fatigued from the journey so far. “Hmm?” He looks up, his face breaking into a small smile before gesturing to the seat opposite him. Louis takes it, sitting down and twisting his fingers out of his nerves that keep growing. He’s felt so out of tune with his husband recently, not sure where he fits in and this moment is an example. “Sorry, Lou. I didn’t mean to just run off, like, I really want to fix this. I promise.”

Louis shakes his head, reaching over and placing his hands over Harry’s.

“No, not at all. I shouldn’t of.. I don’t know, Harry. The call was important.”

Harry looks at him expectantly, hope in his features that it gives Louis’ flutters in his stomach. His husband is beautiful, the way he’s sitting to appear smaller and cuddling up in his hoodie. He look ready to hear whatever Louis has to offer.

Louis takes a deep breath, squeezing their hands. “I know I shouldn’t be worrying about work, not when this is about us but.. It’s important, yeah? I left during an important case, I can’t ditch it _entirely_. Not for myself, not because it’ll affect me but because it’ll affect Liam and he’s our close friend, isn’t he?”

Harry nods in agreement. “I was just being dramatic, sorry.”

“Listen, I need to apologise for everything. The week at Niall really put things into perspective for me and I’m _sorry_. So, so sorry for everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything,” Louis affirms. “For being a shit father, a shit husband. For putting my family second when you guys are first to me. I never wanted to be that person, never enough time for my family. I just got so caught up in everything.”

Harry’s eyes harden. “I understand your need to succeed, for being busy. You claim I wasn’t supportive of you but I _was/i >. I was there for you in the beginning, wasn’t I?”_

_“Yes, you were-”_

_“I came to your office everyday with packed lunches, I rubbed your back during the nights you were up working on cases. I was supportive. Quite frankly, it hurts when you say I’m not.”_

_“I know, Harry-”_

_“I never complained, not once. I knew you wanted to become an accredited lawyer, well known and the top. I thought you’d return home to me when you made it, you’d cut back hours, spend more time with us. Especially when the twins were born.”_

_“Harry, please-”_

_“But you made it and you _still_ didn’t come home,” Harry voice cracks on the last word, looking more exhausted than he has in a while. Like talking about it actually physically drains him. He bites his lips hard enough to draw blood, his gaze away from Louis’. _

_“Harry,” Louis tries to talk again, after being cut off multiple times. His voice is patient. “I don’t even know where to start.”_

_“Start somewhere ‘cause that’s the only way we’re going to get to the bottom of this.”_

_“I know it’s my fault-”_

_“It is.”_

_And Harry’s not really helping, either. He’s not co-operating. He keeps throwing the blame towards Louis, cutting him off and not listening to what Louis has to say back. Louis can only try so much if his husband won’t listen. His bitter comments make it clear that he’s not over it, not attempting to work past it._

_“Listen, will you?” He grits out through clenched teeth._

_Harry’s eyes snap up, dark. “You don’t get to be mad at me.”_

_“Yes, I do. We both have feelings and problems and I’m _trying_ to work through this so you have to give me the bloody chance.”_

_“Fine.”_

_Louis takes a deep breath, their hands still twined together. “You’re right. You’re right about it all. After I got successful, I still didn’t return home and honestly, I don’t have a valid reason and nothing justifies it. I got busy with cases, with clients and I just wanted to do more, be bigger. Better. In turn, I neglected you.”_

_“Mhmm.”_

_“I neglected us, our traditions, date nights and movie nights. I neglected our children.”_

_Harry stays silent for a few moments, seeming to still give off the stubborn stance before he clenches his teeth and sighs heavily. “I’m sorry, too.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Yeah. I can owe up to my mistakes. I pulled away when I shouldn’t of. I didn’t try to talk to you, or even try to understand. I just distanced. I built a wall between us,” he pauses, like the memory is too difficult to recall before forcing himself to continue. “I hated feeling disappointed every time you didn’t make it home for dinner, every time the children cried. I thought it’d be easier for when..”_

_“When?”_

_“When it happens.”_

_“What happens, Harry?”_

_“A divorce.”_

_Louis’ eyes widen slightly because he had not been expecting that. He didn’t know Harry had such little hopes of their marriage and commitment, that he had been distancing himself in case they’d result in a divorce. So the divorce wouldn’t hurt him as bad._

_He slumps back in his seat, feeling defeated and a wave of emotions overtake him. He’s not sure what to say or how to reply. He stares back at Harry dumbfounded._

_Harry notices his sudden shift in expression, his lips contorting to something pained. “Louis..”_

_“Harry,” he snaps to action, stopping him before he can even start. Giving a stern expression he continues, “listen, babe, if we’re going to get to the bottom of this shit - we have to be honest. So if that’s how you felt, don’t take it back.”_

_“I’m sorry, Lou. I know this must be hurtful to listen to but that’s how I truly felt.”_

_“What did you feel?”_

_“I just felt like.. I felt too weak, bloody hell,” he mutters, using his spare hand to rub at his eyes. “I felt like I couldn’t handle it, the absence and the children. I always put the children first. They were distraught every time we weren’t together.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Obviously. They asked so many questions and at one point, I just felt like Lola had given up on you and our relationship.”_

_Louis’ throat feels tight as he swallows painfully, his eyes dropping to the floor out of the guilt he feels swimming inside his body. He’s unable to sit still but it’s the harsh truth he needs to come to terms with. He needs this wake-up call. He needs to hear about how he hurt his children, how Lola didn’t believe in him anymore. It’s the only way he’ll be able to make a change._

_“I’m sorry, fuck,” Louis whispers out, squeezing his eyes shut to prevent unshed tears spilling out. “It’s just. Harry, when you started pulling away, I stopped seeing the point in coming home anymore.”_

_Discomfort replaces Harry’s expression, raising his brow. “Maybe for your husband, your children?”_

_“I know that but it was always so tense. I was already stressed at work, slaving away for these clients. I had to go from one extreme environment to the next. Home just wasn’t a safe place for me anymore.”_

_That seems to hit Harry. His lips curl downwards, glancing away but tightening his hold around their hands. Louis almost wants to take his words away, wants to apologise but he doesn’t and he won’t. It’s the honesty that’s going to sort everything out._

_“I’m sorry for that, Louis. I’d never want you to feel like that, like our home isn’t a place for you or that it’s a place of suffering.”_

_“I know, darling.”_

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”_

_Louis gives him a tight smile, his spare hand coming to rest atop of their twined hands. “We have so much time for apologies, yeah? Let’s get going to our hotel.”_

_~_

__

I'll share in your suffering  
To make you well  
Give me reasons to believe  
That you would do the same for me.  
And I would do it for you, for you.  
Baby, I'm not moving on  
I'll love you long after you're gone.  
For you, for you.  
You will never sleep alone.

**Phillips Phillips - Gone, Gone, Gone**

*

Louis drove until they reached Manchester, finding a cheap and available hotel and checking in. The hotel, itself, isn’t glamorous or ideal but it’d do for the night. For the first time in a long time, the cuddle as they lay in bed. They don’t push the limits, they don’t kiss or let their hands wander on each other’s bodies. They just lay contentedly in the dark with Louis holding Harry to his chest, breathing in Harry’s sweet vanilla scent. 

The next morning when Louis wakes up, Harry’s already up and out of bed, ready to start the day. He’s already brought back breakfast from the local shops down the road, warm and fresh bakery with orange juice. They sit in bed as they eat together, watching the news and every now and then, glancing at each other. Louis feels like his heart could soar.

They wait till 10am before FaceTiming the kids.

Lola picks up Sophia’s phone, grinning from ear to ear as she lets out a loud squeal at the sight of her two fathers from the other line. “Daddy!! Papa!!” 

Louis finds himself returning the grin as he observes the clear happiness on her precious face. “Hello, baby girl! How are you doing?” He asks, feeling the urge to reach over and hug her before reminding himself it’s a digital screen and he can’t physically touch her.

“I’m good! Aunty Sophia is lovely, she made pancakes for us this morning!”

Harry smiles. “Are they as good as mine, love?”

The question leaves Lola in a train of thought, her finger scratching her chin before she decides. “Nope, never. Yours is the best!”

“You got that right.”

“What’s your plans for today then, lovely? I hope you’re not troubling your aunt Sophia.” Louis asks. “How’s the boys, giving you any grief?”

“Aunt Sophia and Uncle Liam are taking us out for a meal and then to the park,” she smiles, giddy. “Shane and Noah are good, taking a nap because Uncle Liam let them stay up till late.”

Harry frowns at that, mumbling, “that little shit,” under his breath.

Louis lets out a loud laugh. “Of course he did.”

Lola waggles her eyebrows at her two fathers. “Are you two happy again? When are you coming home?”

Louis looks over to Harry to assess his mood on the question but Harry just looks at him, nodding. “We’ll be happy, yes. But.. we won’t be home for a while.”

That seems to be enough for Lola though, whose smile widen. Her enthusiasm grows as she launches into a full, long conversation about her activities with Aunty Sophia and how she’s loving it here and gets a lot of ice cream. 

After half an hour of talking, Harry reluctantly ends the call.

“So, where to now?” He asks, rolling on his stomach to place the phone back on the side table and looking up to Louis through his lashes to give him a weak smile. He looks so beautiful, Louis just wants to spend the entire day with him right here in this bed. He could. But that’s not the purpose of this trip.

Louis hums, pulling out his own phone to search up the UK map and looking all the nearby cities so they can drive for a while, spend more time exploring. He finally settles on York, knowing Harry would appreciate the city. 

“Let’s go York. It’s only an hour and some, it’s such a wonderful place.”

“It is?” Harry wonders out loud, grabbing his phone off him and searching the city up on google images. He takes his time, his brows furrowed in concentration as he scrolls through each picture and observes it careful. Then he nods, handing the phone back. “I think so, too.”

“Let’s get a move on!”

*

The drive to York is less tense than before, the atmosphere between them relaxed as they find themselves conversing back and forth without erupting into an argument. It’s a good change, one that Louis can get behind. He misses just talking to Harry, having conversations about absolutely nothing and still finding himself entertained. He misses the conversations they’d have when they would never run out of words to say. Harry talks a little about his family, catching Louis up on what Gemma is up to, how she’s moving onto another career path in her life. How Anne has picked up a new hobby - gardening and keeps sending pictures to Harry of her growing garden. Louis talks about the youngest twins and how they’re nearly turning 10 soon and he’d love to go back to surprise them for their birthday party.

Eventually, their conversation drifts to the topic of working.

In recent months, career has become a taboo subject between them that they tread lightly around to not upset the other person. They can’t even discuss small details without the other getting angry. Louis wants to change that, wants the topic to be more comfortable if they’re ever going to recover their relationship in one piece. He knows he messed up, he put Harry second to his job and he needs his husband to believe that Harry’s his top priority from now on.

It’s the confession Harry makes that causes Louis to recoil.

“I miss having a job.”

Louis knits his brows together, not expecting the confession out of Harry at all. As far as he remembers, Harry was more than happy to quit his job as a full time baker at two local bakeries. He wanted to settle down with the children, for them to have at least one parent presence around at all times. 

He looks over to Harry with a gentle smile. “Really?”

Harry sighs. “Yeah. Like, I loved working in the bakery and I loved all my colleagues.”

“Baby, you can work again. If it makes you happy.”

He shakes his head immediately. “Nah. I love being at home with the children, really. I just loved working as well, the routine was nice and I was able to socialise everyday. I liked feeling independent. It’s just a bit isolating now.”

It hits Louis like a tonne of bricks. He hadn’t even slowed down in his own job to imagine how isolating Harry’s life has been. He’s been at home every single day with their children, hardly going out and meeting his friends. With his own timetable being packed, never a dull moment in his life with court dates, endless list of clients, wandering the streets of London to find evidence - he hadn’t even stopped to notice Harry. Who remained indoors for most of the day.

Harry who waits every single day for Louis to return from work for someone to talk to besides children all day. Harry who used to have dinner waiting every evening, only for it to be placed on the counter with a lid on top and him passed out in the living room. Harry who started withdrawing when he lost Louis coming home every evening for dinner. 

Realisation is a brutal wake up call.

Louis feels guilt swimming through his insides, his stomach twisting and turning and his head heavy with regret. He has never wanted intentionally hurt Harry, never imagined the impact of his actions before he was threatened with the split. He wants to go back in time and take everything back, wants to fix everything.

Taking one hand off the steering wheel, he grips Harry’s thigh. “Sweetheart,” he mutters, his throat thick. “I am so so sorry for every single time I cancelled our plans. So fucking sorry. Please believe me.”

Harry’s eyes soften, a glisten behind his green orbs as he looks at Louis sincerely. Eventually, he nods and accepts the apology.

It’s a step forward.

Before, neither of them could accept the apology, only retorting with another argument or point they wanted to get across. But now, Harry is just whispering with his dashing smile.

“It’s okay, babe. I believe you.”

And for once, it feels okay too.

~

And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven

**Matt Bomer - Heaven**

*

York, as expected, is a stunning place.

It’s a walled city in northeast England, small and dated but historical. The streets are small, there’s many back alleyways and the pub are friendly, the people are lovely too. Louis and Harry walk down the pebbled streets, their hands intertwined as they try to find a good place for lunch. Louis looks through Yelp, finding a cafe only a five minutes walk away with a direct view of the iconic Gothic cathedral in York. 

They order a sandwich each with a cup of tea for Louis and a green juice for Harry.

“I’ll never understand why you like that,” Louis mutters under his breath with a fond smile as he hands the menu back to the waiter, thanking him.

Harry just rolls his eyes, resting his chin on his hands. “Why not? Green juice is good, Lou. You need to taste it.”

“The colour is disgusting, I would never.”

“Don’t be an idiot, it’s delicious!” Harry sounds scandalised, leaning over to swat Louis playfully on his shoulder.

The weather is breezy enough to make Harry’s curls blow with the wind but the sun is out in the sky, making it the perfect weather. They sit opposite each other on the table and Louis can’t help but look up, a smile breaking out on his lip as he bites down to resist and lets his eyes wander away. He’s seeing Harry in a completely different light, seeing the traits in his personality he once fell for in love with. He has all the time in the world right now to love Harry the right way.

Once their order arrives, they begin to eat straight away with little conversation. 

Until, Harry looks up whilst he sips at his green juice. “Do you still talk to Zayn, then? Did you, like, tell him what’s happened recently?”

Louis nearly chokes on his bite of sandwich, lowering the bread down an inch so he can assess Harry’s expression carefully. He doesn’t want to say something wrong and cause all the progress they just made to go to waste. He doesn’t want to hurt Harry’s feelings. But, Harry just looks curious with his wide eyes.

“Um.” Louis says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I did call him whilst I was away for the week and some days. But, Harry, if it upsets you, I’ll understand I’ll stop talking to him.”

Harry furrows his brows, shaking his head. “No, Lou, you don’t have to do that. Trust me.”

“Really?”

“Well, I mean,” he sighs. It’s clear the topic of Zayn is still raw for Harry, still a bleeding wound that he doesn’t like to talk about often but he still carries on. “Obviously, it’s difficult that my childhood friend doesn’t want to talk to me. But, I can’t stop you. I’ve never been the person to stop you from talking to someone, I never will be. You and him have something special, I’ve seen it Lou, and I want you to have that.”

Louis stares at Harry, his eyes burning into his husband's green curious ones. God, he loves Harry so much that he feels like he could explode from it. He found a supporting, loving husband despite the fact it may hurt Harry in the process he’s still putting Louis first.

“I talked about you to him, you know.”

Harry’s head snaps up, eyes growing wider. “You did? What did you say?” His voice is so surprised, it pulls at Louis’ heartstrings.

Louis smiles, putting the sandwich down entirely on his plate. “I told him that it isn’t fair what he’s doing to you, done to you. That it isn’t fair how he cut you off when you two knew each other for such a long time. He claims he’s doing it for your benefit which is just bullshit to me.”

Harry looks so hopeful. “He probably feels bad for what he’s caused.”

“He hasn’t caused anything, though. We acted upon it, it wasn’t his fault.”

Harry’s eyes dim just slightly, looking away and picking up his green juice and sipping away at the last drop. He doesn’t argue or push the topic further though it’s clear he doesn’t feel the same way. He still holds Zayn to blame. He hums in dismissal.

“So, what’s our plan today?”

Louis pushes away the sigh at his lips, shrugging. “I thought we could look around, shop a bit before we find a hotel for the night. If you want to stay here? We could definitely get back on the road.”

“Nah, that’s okay. I wanna stay here tonight.”

“Cool.” Louis smiles. “So do I.”

*

So, maybe they’re decision for staying the night wasn’t their finest decisions. They’re laying on the uncomfortable bed in the hotel room, the mattress is too soft, dipping too low and Louis can already feel the ache in his back he’ll be feeling tomorrow morning. Louis keeps tossing and turning, struggling to find a comfortable position that’ll help him drift off to sleep. He has his back to Harry but he can hear his husband struggling too.

Louis stops trying after a while. He gives up and lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling and counting the stars painted up there. It’s possibly past midnight at this point and there’s fatigue in every bone in his body but he can’t drift off to sleep. His thoughts won’t slow down for a second, he can’t stop thinking about his children and how much he misses them. 

He wants to lean over, wants to hold Harry and cuddle into him but he resists. He hates how he has to second think everything he wants to do to his husband, it doesn’t come naturally to him anymore. 

It’s only when Harry breaks the silence between the two of them that Louis dares to look over to him. He rolls onto his side to face Harry better.

“Why did you ever approach me the first you met me?”

The question throws Louis off, he pauses as he knits his brows together. Up close, he notices all the imperfections on Harry’s face, the prominent eye bags from the lack of sleep in the past month, the wrinkles around his mouth. He also notices how he loves every single flaw present, how he loves Harry regardless.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He counters back. 

“I wasn’t in my prime years, I wasn’t attractive or even charming. We were just so so young.”

Louis narrows his eyes. “Harry, the minute I laid my eyes on you, I knew I wanted to be with you for a long time.”

The room falls into silence. They don’t talk for a minute, content on just staring at each other. Louis goes over all of Harry’s features, observing each one of them. His nose, his plump lips and how he wants to taste him, his bright green eyes always full of fight, his faint smile. Harry seems to like the words as reaches over to place his hands over Louis’.

“Yeah?”

It spurs Louis on, nodding confidently to assure him.

He still remembers the first day he met Harry clearly, a memory that’ll never be dodged or removed. He remembers it was the first day of University, he had just enrolled as a law student and he was beginning to communicate with the people present. He remembers how his eyes fell upon Harry in the common room, a social gathering for all the university students within the same humanities department. He remembers how he couldn’t let his eyes wander too far off Harry, how he always found himself staring back after a while. He watched how the young boy moved around the room, his captivating aura, his charming smile, how everyone basked in the positive energy he gave off.

Louis remembers wanting Harry, to be around him and with him, to talk to him and take him out to get to know him.

So, he doesn’t hesitate when he says. “Yup. I just remember how everyone loved you and talked about you. It was always Harry this, Harry that. I wanted to see what the hype was about. You were kind of a hipster, though.”

“I was not!”

“But,” Louis muffles his chuckle. “You were also the cutest, most handsome, attractive hipster I had ever come across. I used to come to the common room just to watch you.”

Harry’s mouth falls open as he smiles into his pillow. “You creep.”

“It’s true! You just had this.. Energy about you. Always had me coming back.”

“Our story is my favourite.”

Now it’s Louis’ turn to beam, eyes turning to Harry. “Yeah?”

“Yup. I love how we did things. We became best friends first, we got up to so much trouble that I was sure we’d get into trouble with the professors. Then we dated for five years, beautiful years, then got married. We took it slow, we made it work.”

Louis listens to the all his words intently, nodding. “Yeah, we did. I love how we handled our relationship, too.”

“We’re going to make it now as well, aren’t we?” Harry asks, his voice holds the tiniest shake as he snuggles close to Louis and dips his head into his neck, breathing him in. He stays there, close to Louis and Louis uses his spare arm to bring him in even closer, his hand wandering to Harry’s cheeks as he cups them.

“You’re damn right we are. I’m not letting you go anytime soon.”

They fall asleep peacefully in each other’s arms.

*

They wake up late and spend the whole afternoon in York. Louis admires Harry’s photography, stopping every few seconds to snap each moment. Ridiculous photos such as Harry’s boots against the cobbled streets, random people sitting at starbucks, waffles. When they eat lunch, they begin their journey to the next city. They opt for Durham, another historic small city that they both will appreciate.

“Sophia’s calling,” Harry breaks the quiet atmosphere in the car, pulling his phone from the backseat before accepting the call hastily. “Hey, Soph!”

“Put it on speaker, Harry,” Louis instructs, reaching over to turn the radio volume down.

Harry does so before Sophia’s bright, cheerful voice comes through the other line.

“Hey, boys! How’s the road trip going?”

“Brilliant,” Louis laughs easily. He adores Sophia, her easygoing personality and the way she never prys for any information. They quite literally left their children at her house and she has not once complained.

“It’s really a lot of fun,” Harry chirps in, a faint smile sprawled across his lips.

“That’s great, guys! Where you both heading off to now?”

“We’re currently driving from York to Durham,” Louis lets her know.

She lets out a tiny gasp. “You’re so far away from us now! The kids miss you, as do we!”

Harry chuckles fondly. “The whole point was getting far from London, love. You okay, and Liam? The kids?”

“Liam’s alright, he’s swamped in work right now so I don’t get to see him much,” her voice reduces to a whisper, a hint of sadness in her tone and Louis’ face immediately falls. He hates that he’s left Liam behind with all the responsibility, hates how he walked out right when he’s most needed. Harry notices the change in expression, leaning forward to squeeze Louis’ thigh. Sophia continues, oblivious. “The kids are a handful but they’re so good, God. You guys have raised them so well. Such sweet souls.”

Harry beams. “You flatter us too much, Soph. Can you put the twins on the line, or Lola, if they’re around?”

“Of course, yeah!” 

There’s shuffling around on the other line, a few shouting voices before Noah’s cheerful voice comes through the other line.

“Papa! Daddy!” He claps. “I miss you!”

It’s ridiculous that the sound of his children can reduce Louis to tears. He misses the twins so much, misses snuggling up to them and he misses Lola’s rambling about school and her friends. He wants to be around them again, wants to talk to them properly - not just through the phone.

“Hey buddy,” Harry speaks first, his voice thick. “I miss you so, so, so much, my little one.”

“Daddy misses you too!” Louis speaks up so he can be heard, eyes still fixed on the road and Harry’s hand heavy on his thigh. 

“When are you coming home?”

Harry sighs. “We’re not sure yet. Very soon, okay? We love you, your brother and sister very much. Everything we do is for you guys.”

“We love you too, papa and daddy.”

The phone is passed to Shane and then Lola, going through the usual daily greetings and checking up on the kids. Harry hangs up the phone when the conversation is over, putting his phone in the backseat. The car falls silent again and Louis continues to drive, not removing his eyes off the motorway as he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand.

Harry finally extracts his hand, his lips curling downwards. “You miss them.”

“Obviously, I do.”

“You feel bad about leaving Liam.”

Louis stiffens. “Aren’t you very observant?”

“You know what you had to do for us, it’s okay if you feel bad.”

“Right, okay.” Louis cuts off the conversation, not wanting to dwell on the topic. 

Harry doesn’t understand, he never will. He’s not a lawyer, he hasn’t had responsibilities like Louis has. He hasn’t had to put his entire life on the line for somebody else, a stranger, who is relying on him for the utmost best. The pressure that almost makes Louis crack, bringing him right to the surface and nearly tipping him off the edge.

Harry’s eyes soften. “I miss the kids too. It’s hard when I spend so much time with them.”

Louis bites his lip, staring away. “I can imagine.”

“Louis..” Harry’s expression falls more serious, twisting his torso to face him better. “I’m sorry I dragged you away from your work.”

“Please, let’s not,” Louis pleads. He doesn’t want to talk about work, he already feels enough guilt and he already feels like he’s let everyone down. He doesn’t want to do the same to this trip. Doesn’t want to argue about the one thing they’re trying to mend. “I prefer this, much more.”

*

Durham is a wonderful county in northeast England. It’s a historic city, small as well but full of character with a lively, welcoming atmosphere. They walk down the streets, hand-in-hand, Louis watching Harry work his camera. He wishes he could see the world through Harry’s eyes, find the beauty in the little things. Harry has a soft, loving soul, always giving to others and never taking and Louis’ beginning to appreciate it all over again.

They grab lunch to go, cheese and onion pasties, as they walk around the city and try to discover each winding alleyway. Harry’s talkative for a change, finding something to comment about, going off on a tangent about how his childhood resonates with some of the things they’re coming across in this city. Louis listens intentively, drinking in every last word Harry says, nodding at all the right times and letting his husband go on and on.

“Is it okay with you if we carry on driving to another city? Want to keep going.” Harry asks after a few hours of wandering around aimlessly.

Louis’ eyes crinkle, smiling as he leans forward to place a soft kiss on Harry’s nose. “Whatever you’d like, darling.”

When he pulls away, Harry’s flushed and has a fond smile plastered over his face. Louis feels dizzy with how much he loves him.

So, they continue their journey after they finish their lunch. They decide to drive to a bigger city, giving them a larger variety of things to do and a place to stay overnight. Sunderland is the next destination. Harry switches with Louis, taking over at the driver's seat and claims he wants to allow Louis a break from the driving. On the drive there, they blast all their road trip tunes at full volumes with the windows rolled down, belting out the words at the top of their lungs.

Whilst singing all the words to Focus by Ariana Grande, Louis looks over to Harry and his stomach flutters at the sight of his husband. Harry’s head thrown back slightly, eyes still trained on the road, his curls blowing with the force of the wind and his carefree expression as he continues to sing loudly.

They stop at the services for dinner, settling on greasy, fast food for a meal. Louis opts for McDonald’s, double cheeseburger with fries whilst Harry purchases a chicken burger meal from Burger King. They sit opposite each other, giggling over fond memories they shared at the beginning of their relationship like how Harry was upset when he first farted in front of Louis. How Louis attempted to pull a date night on the beach and failed miserably, ending up at the local McDonald’s instead. They reminisce on memories of meeting each other’s family, how Louis was so nervous he had swore right in front of Anne.

“Anne is such a lovely woman. I just made a fool out of myself because I was trying so hard on making a good impression!” Louis huffs, faux annoyed as he takes a bite out of his cheeseburger.

Harry erupts into a fit of giggles, trying to muffle the sound with the back of his hand. “You swore in front of her and then to make up for it, you convinced her you could cook and then burnt everyone’s food.”

“It was so fucking embarrassing.” Louis groans, not liking to be reminded with his first meeting with his mother-in-law.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Harry laughs. “She loves you all the same.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Louis winks.

After they finish their extremely unhealthy dinner, they find an arcade in the services and run over without a second thought. It’s like they’re children again, putting 30p into the different machines to play the games and trying to pick out Captain America plush toys. They fail once, then twice and at the thrice time, Louis kicks the machine and curses out loud.

Harry laughs fondly. “Babe, cursing at the machine won’t help.”

Louis looks over to him with a ‘ _really??_ ’ expression before snorting, steering him away. “Let’s go do something else.”

They go up against each other in a car racing, Louis winning but Harry drags him over to the Just Dance game.

“I’m going to kick your ass this time, baby.” Harry sing-songs.

And he does, Harry wins by a mile and Louis scoffs, placing his hands on his hips. “You’re insane, curly.”

“You’re my winner, though,” Harry insists though, reaching over and connecting their lips right in the middle of the arcade, only breaking away to pepper his cheeks with multiple, wet kisses.

Louis feels like he’s in a haze, floating with how alive he feels right now to be the centre of Harry’s attention. His heart feels like it’s soaring, flying right out of his chest and he wouldn’t exchange this moment in time for anything else.

He surges forward to connect their lips again, moaning, “your winner,” into him.

~

You can put some joy up on my face,  
Oh sunshine in an empty place,  
Take me too, turn to and babe I'll make you stay,  
Oh I can ease you of your pain,  
Feel you give me love again,  
Round and round we go,  
Each time I hear you say,

This is the rhythm of the night

**Bastille - Of The Night**

*

Sunderland is a decent place, bright and plenty of different things to do. They arrive some time into the night after having spent hours at the services, calling their children once before leaving and hitting the road again. Louis takes over the driving once again, Harry turns the music on but they don’t sing along from how their energy has been spent from fooling around earlier. The sky descends into darkness, the motorway not supplying any source of light as they drive into the oblivious.

It’s nearly around midnight as they check into a hotel, finding a decent place with vacancies and Louis flops onto the bed. He’s ready to sleep for a while, through all of tomorrow afternoon but Harry seems to have other plans.

He’s grinning devilish, jumping on top of Louis on the bed and straddling his hips.

“What do you want, curls?” Louis groans, his eyes heavy as he lets them shut momentarily. 

Despite the exhaustion he’s feeling, Harry’s hovering above him with an expectant, hopeful expression. His green eyes are wide and bright, electric as he licks his lips. Louis can’t figure it out, he blinks once to observe his husband closer.

Then, Harry leans down to mutter into his ear. “There’s a gay club down the road.”

His curls are brushing against Louis’ cheek, sending him a shiver down his spine.

“I’m aware.”

“Come on, let’s go.”

Louis lets out a chuckle, glancing over to the clock. “It’s past midnight. Lets sleep.”

He tries to tackle Harry into the bed, manhandling him so he’s straddling Harry’s hips instead. His slumber from a few minutes ago has vanished now as he grips his hips, his hands wandering up to Harry’s nipples.

“Please, Lou. Please.” Harry’s pleading now. “I’m not even tired, we’re on a break! Let’s go party!”

“But I’m not wearing appropriate clothing!”

“You can borrow one of my shirts.”

Louis guffaws. “Desperate,” he mutters, placing his hands down flat on Harry’s chest, spreading his fingers apart. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt so enticed by Harry, drawn to his welcoming features.

“I am.” Harry agrees without a beat. “Will you come? Don’t make me go on my own and dance with someone else because my husband is a-”

Harry doesn’t even finish the sentence before Louis’ growling, a voice coming from the pits of his stomach as he leans down to latch their lips together. They kiss dirtily for a few minutes, Louis grinding his hips down on Harry’s crotch as he disconnects their lips to suck on his jaw. He loves the way Harry’s keening underneath him, releasing soft sounds into his ear. Louis licks over the fresh marks, beaming at the red fresh bruises.

“You’re _mine_ ,” Louis informs him. “You’re going to go anywhere and pick anyone up. You’re going to come with me.” 

Harry nods, his eyes desperate as his hands rest on Louis’ biceps, squeezing and begging for more. Louis’ sure his husband would love to just abandon the whole idea, would love to stay in and make out for a while longer instead. But he isn’t having any of it. He pulls away to observe Harry’s expression better, giving him an unimpressed look and raising his brows.

“Say it, Harry. Say you’re mine.”

Harry lets out a whimper. “I’m yours, Louis. Always yours.”

Louis can’t resist him, not even for a second. He doesn’t want to waste any time without their lips touching so he closes any distance between them and kisses him firmly. He lets his spare hands settle around Harry’s neck, not applying any pressure, just resting softly as he licks into Harry’s mouth. It’s a dirty, heavy snog and Harry’s responsive underneath him, trying to push his crotch against Louis. 

Finally, Louis pulls away to peck both his cheeks and whispers. “Think you can make it to the gay club then?”

Harry’s blinding smile is all the answer he needs.

~

Baby give it to me  
Eyes on me, dance on me tonight  
You're all, all on me  
Keep your hands on me  
Don't take them off  
Put your hands on it

**Ariana Grande - Hands On Me**  
*

Louis changes into one of his tighter shirts, outlining his hips and stomach and his skin tight jeans. Harry opts for a casual shirt, sheer so his chest tattoos can stand out and his equally as tight jeans. Louis can’t keep his hands off Harry the entire time they make the small walk over to the club, resting at his hips, lingering downwards to grab his ass cheekily. Harry revels in the attention, moving into the touch every time, giggling and blushing. They twine hands as they walk into the club.

The club is busy for a Friday night, guys from all backgrounds, ages scattered around the place. The atmosphere is lively, the music blaring and vibrating off the walls, the drinks being passed around and the dance floor crowded. Louis feels the buzz right down to the core of his stomach, he doesn’t remember the last time he was able to take so much time off let alone go clubbing. He gears himself up to enjoy the night, make the most of it. 

“You wait here whilst I get us drinks,” Louis whispers in Harry’s ear, letting him wait by the plush seats whilst walking off the the bar and ordering them both drinks.

As the bartender works on his order, he glances around the club one more time. The disco lights are reflecting off the bodies, all the colours under the rainbow illuminating all the faces. Everyone here seems to be busy in their own business, drunken bodies swaying along to the beat of the music.

When Louis returns to Harry with the drinks, he takes them off his hands with a lazy smile, his eyes lingering on Louis’ body. 

“You like it here?” Harry leans in to shout at Louis over of the volume of the music.

It takes him a moment to reply, his eyes looking around the sweaty and crowded place. Clubbing and partying was Louis’ entire life before he had started working and gotten married, it was his ticket to get through university. Thankfully, London offered many vibrant clubs and he never missed an opportunity. When Louis settled down, he had pushed that part of his life away successfully.

“Love it,” Louis exclaims, “love being back on the scene.” He presses his lips to Harry firmly, tasting his fruity drink just because he can.

They order more drinks, even do shots and drinking them down quickly in competition as to who's the fastest. They’re positively tipsy when they’ve devoured all the drinks, making their way to the dance floor hand in hand. Harry feels his liquor much more stronger than Louis, it doesn’t take him much to intoxicate him but he’s also a confident drunk. A more vibrant, cocky personality begins to shine through whenever he’s had a little bit too much to drink. And the way he’s looking at Louis now, hungry, lustful eyes wandering all over his body causes Louis to feel a spark go through him.

“Want to dance with me, stud?” Harry ghosts the words over Louis’ collarbones, their bodies touching.

Louis’ smile grows, his hands coming to grip Harry’s hips. He leans down, his teeth grazing over his earlobe. “Show me what you got, then.”

Harry takes him up to the challenge, raising his brow at him quizzically before beginning to move his hips in time to the beat of the music. Louis immediately lets out a little gasp, holding on tighter and bringing their bodies flush together until there’s no space between them. Harry takes the initiative, grinding back dirtily, putting on a show for everyone to see how obscene he really is. 

Louis dances back on him, their crotches touching and he feels Harry’s half hard cock straining against his jeans. He smirks, loving the effect they have on each other and brings him even closer if it’s even possible.

The sensation is exceptional, the way Harry rolls his hips on top of Louis’ crotch, his cock is almost painful yet so fucking good. He wants Harry, he yearns for him and he craves his touch all the time. He loves kissing him, he loves basking in the attention Harry gives him. He loves the way Harry’s looking at him now, too, his dark green eyes full of lust and something deep. Louis’ hand come to grab a fistful of Harry’s hair, angling his head right just before Harry leans in for a kiss so their lips don’t touch.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, love.”

“Fucking tease,” Harry barely makes out, shaking his head as he grabs Louis’ hips and spinning him around so he’s pushing against him from the back. Harry takes control of the dancing now, pushing his crotch up against Louis’ ass, rolling into him and holding him in place so there’s no possible way to control the tempo.

Louis whimpers, unable to resist the small sounds he keeps letting out and how fucking hard he is. He feels so good, he’s missed this feeling of wanting Harry to take him apart piece by piece. He misses feeling like a teenager again, messy and without a problem in the world.

“If you take me home, I’ll let you fuck me,” Louis lets out with a hiss as he feels Harry’s fingers grasping on, sure it’s going to leave marks for tomorrow.

Harry smirks, pulling away, his eyes darkening. “Let’s leave right fucking now.”

~

Justin Timberlake - Cabaret

*

They stumble back to their hotel only a few minutes later, their lips attached to each other all the way up the elevator ride as Harry pushing him up against the wall, crowding him and licking into his mouth. Harry’s eyes are hazy with _want_ and Louis finds himself getting lost in them. The alcohol is still swimming in their veins but they’re still conscious enough to make it back to their room and have sex.

Harry throws Louis on the bed the minute the doors close, not wasting another second as he rips his shirt off him and displaying his prominent tattoos against his pale skin.

Louis’ mouth is quite honestly watering at the sight of his husband before him, doesn’t remember seeing so much fire behind his eyes, this much sexual tension between them. He wants it all. He wants Harry and he wants to get fucked hard.

Harry seems to have other plans though, straddling Louis’ hip and connecting their lips in a gentle manner. He takes his time to explore Louis’ mouth, his hands cupping Louis’ cheeks and it’s soft, slow. It’s surprisingly tender.

“Can you fuck me already, Jesus,” Louis pulls away to say moodily. He doesn’t want gentle right now. He wants rough, he wants bruises and he wants Harry to fuck him until he’s begging for a release.

Harry rolls his eyes, reaching down to slap his inner thigh. “Take what I give, when I give it.”

“Babe, I just want you to shut me the fuck up because I am-”

Harry doesn’t let him finish though, his hands come to fist Louis’ messy hair and pressing their lips together again. They kiss for what feels like a lifetime, Harry taking over the pace and not letting Louis rush the kiss. When he pulls away, he bites down on Louis’ bottom lip hard enough to draw the faintest bit of blood.

“Fuck.” Louis whimpers.

He feels so hard, his cock straining against his tight jeans and he’s begging for a touch. For some kind of relief on the pressure. His hands wander down Harry’s bare chest, tracing around the tattoos and moaning prettily into his ear as Harry bites down on his neck, leaving marks in a trial.

“You drive me crazy,” Louis whispers.

“You have no idea, baby,” Harry’s voice sounds shaky, bending over to suck at any available flesh to him. “You make me feel insane. I want to take you apart, want you to just take it.”

“I will, I will.”

“Mmhm. You’ll have to,” is all Harry says, sitting straight. “Off with this, please.”

Louis rolls his eyes because of course, even during a makeout session, he’s polite as ever. Harry shuffles down his hips, giving him space to take the shirt off. Louis tugs at the hem, pulling the shirt over his head in the most seductive way possible, licking his lips up at Harry who watches him with dark green eyes. He reaches down, helping Louis with the process as he throws the shirt to another side of the room.

They start working hard then. Harry shuffles out of his jean, helping Louis out of his by pulling the zipper down by his teeth only. Louis watches, feeling like he’s in a trance as to how Harry’s taking his time to make Louis feel like he’s going crazy. Their boxers come off next and Harry immediately reaches over, gripping Louis’ cock and stroking him slowly.

The contact causes Louis to hiss, his back arching into the touch but Harry pushes him back down with a hand on his chest.

“Don’t move,” Harry warns him.

So, Louis doesn’t. He lays back down, letting Harry take whatever he likes and moaning with every drag Harry takes up and down his shaft.

“I’m going to cuff you, okay? Is that okay, Lou?”

Louis feels his mind stop working, then because he doesn’t remember the last time he was restrained. And fuck, he misses it. He misses giving up his control, surrendering to Harry. He nods eagerly, wanting it right now.

Harry kisses him before getting off the bed and walking over to his bag to bring back the handcuffs and lube.

“Going to cuff your hands behind your back.. Then you’re going to suck me off until I’m close, then I’m going to fuck you and come inside you.” Harry says like he’s reading a grocery list, fiddling with the cuffs and opening them up. “Going to leave you panting, waiting right till the end.”

Louis groans, squeezing his eyes shut. They get off the bed and Harry cuffs his hands behind his back. He tries to move his hands around, moaning a little when he realises it’s tight and successfully immobilises him. 

“Is this okay?” Harry asks again, his eyes soft as he cups Louis’ cheeks.

He rolls his eyes. “Just fuck my throat, already.”

Harry spanks his ass lightly, guiding him to his knees against the bed before standing on either side of Louis’ thighs. Louis looks up to him through his lashes, in anticipation as he watches Harry stroking himself twice and then moving his cock towards Louis’ lips. Louis opens immediately, letting Harry’s hard dick fill his mouth as he takes a harsh breath through his lips. He has no control, can’t reach over to grip the part of Harry’s cock that isn’t through his lips. He has to sit there on his knees and just take it.

Harry starts slow, barely moving as Louis tries to suck as much as he can, using his tongue to lick the underside.

“Going to fuck your throat, now,” Harry informs him politely, grabbing onto Louis’ hair to halt all movements before thrusting in again. This time, he hits the back of Louis’ throat and then begins to move in and out.

Louis’ feeling Harry in his mouth and he can barely breath, his eyes watering up at one rough push as he looks up to Harry with his wet lashes. It seems to have an effect on Harry as he starts thrusting in harder, hitting the back of his throat relentlessly and fucking his throat. He pulls out, giving Louis time to breathe before repeating and then sometimes, pulling out and not giving Louis enough time to catch his breath before pushing right back in, catching him off guard.

Louis takes what he gets, licking any part of Harry’s cock he can reach before Harry’s abdomen stiffens like he’s close.

“Want to fuck you now,” Harry immediately extracts from Louis’ mouth, pulling him up by the arm before he can even reply and laying him down.

Louis’ face is stuffed in the mattress, all sounds muffled and his ass in the air as Harry immediately settles down from the behind. WIthout wasting a moment, he spanks Louis’ ass hard. He feels the sharp sting, hissing as he leans forward and presses his face into the mattress harder. Harry continues the abuse, spanking him four more times on the same cheek and delivering five on the other.

“Who do you belong to?” Harry asks, bringing his hand back down on his burning, red ass.

Louis can’t muster a reply, too overwhelmed with his hands cuffed behind his back so he can’t even reach down to touch his own hard dick. Harry doesn’t seem too satisfied with the silence, spanking him five times in succession to draw a reply out of him.

“Yours, Harry. Yours.” He finally lets out.

“Mhm, and who can get you this desperate?”

“ _You_. Only you.”

“That’s what I thought,” Harry whispers, his own voice thick like he can’t really comprehend what’s going on before bringing his hand back down.

“Fuck me, please,” Louis’ begging, moving back against Harry’s hand and wiggling his ass in the air.

“Okay, dear. I will, now.”

Harry stops the spanking, leaning back for a second to pick up the lube and wordlessly, begins to spread the lube over two fingers. He pushes one in, Louis immediately arching against the touch and letting out little whimpers as Harry works the finger in. He doesn’t wait long before pressing another digit in, pushing in and out slowly, scissoring him open. Louis feels like he may pass out if he doesn’t get more, he wants to reach down and stroke himself but finds himself incapable. He’s laid out, cuffed, all ready for Harry.

“More,” Louis demands.

Harry obeys, pushing another finger in. “Going for three,” he lets him know, thrusting the fingers fast and hard.

After a few moments of fucking him with fingers, Harry extracts them all and slicks up his cock. He gives a few tugs, mostly ready to come before pushing right in. Louis pauses for a second, adjusting to the huge size and breathing quickly.

Harry keeps moving in until he’s bottomed out, waiting deep inside of Louis.

“Can I move, babe?”

Louis nods, his face in the sheets. “Mmhm. Please.”

Harry doesn’t waste anymore time, one hand wrapped around Louis’ wrist and the other on his ass. He squeezes, feeling the heated ass cheeks before pushing in and beginning to thrust properly. He fucks Louis like it’s the last time, fucking him with such force that a few tears slip out of the corner of Louis’ eyes from the overwhelming slight burn of it. Harry angles his cock in a different position, hitting Louis’ prostate dead on.

Finally, Louis lets out a string of curses. “Fuck, fuck, Harry,” he can barely breathe, Harry not pausing for a second and hitting his prostate with every deep thrust. “Fuck me, oh my god. Feels so, so good.” He begins chanting Harry’s name over and over.

“Yeah? Does it?” Harry asks, voice strangled as he continues to push into Louis’ heat.

“Please.”

That seems to spur Harry on, tightening his hold around Louis’ cuffed hands and fucking into him once, twice before releasing and coming right inside of him. Louis whimpers at the sensation. Harry pulls out after a few minutes, watching the come ooze down Louis’ hole and to the back of his thighs.

He finally turns Louis over, his cuffed hands trapped underneath him as he glances down at his hard cock.

“Want to come, baby?” Harry asks, his voice mocking and making no movements to touch him.

Louis feels like he could die if he doesn’t get contact with his cock. Anything. He looks up to Harry, moisture filling his eyes as he begs.

“Please, Harry. Hurts, hurts so bad. Please.”

Harry finally takes pity, taking his cock into his hand and stroking him fast, his thumb touching Louis’ slit and precome. It only takes a few moments before Louis’ spilling into Harry’s fists, crying out loud as his back arches with his powerful orgasm taking over him. He goes slack afterwards, relaxing entirely.

Harry snaps out of his hungry gaze, his green eyes softer as he turns Louis over and uncuffs him. Immediately, his hands hand on Harry’s side as they start kissing each other like they need each other’s taste to breathe.

“Gimme your hands,” Harry says lowly.

Louis does and Harry rubs at the red marks softly, soothing them. “That was so good, baby,” Louis whispers, kissing him again.

“C’mon, let’s get a shower and then we can pass out together.”

*

The next morning, Louis wakes up and he feels Harry’s strong arms cuddling him from behind. He calls the day a win before it’s even started.

The last time they had sex, they didn’t wake up cuddling, not at all. They had been discussing a divorce, a split from each other and it was the worst time ever. But right now, Louis’ never felt so connected to his husband, never so glad to wake up with his face squashed into Louis’ neck, releasing soft snores. Louis smiles widely, leaning down to kiss Harry’s hand before parting from the warm hold and walking down to the hotel breakfast bar.

He fills up two plateful of food, slices of toast, scrambled eggs, nutella spread and an assortment of bakery so they have a variety to choose from. When he returns to the room, Harry’s awake and scrolling through his phone. 

His head snaps up at Louis’ arrival, the faint smile only growing as he locks his phone and places it on the bedside table.

“Good morning, love,” he sing songs happily.

“Hey, you,” Louis’ eyes crinkle with his smile as he puts the plate of food down on the bed.

“You got food, yum!” Harry leans over enthusiastically, grabbing one of the croissant and biting a piece off. “Also, how’s your ass?”

Louis rolls his eyes, swatting his shoulder before joining him under the covers and grabbing a plate to put himself some toast with scrambled eggs in. 

“The kids called, by the way.”

“Oh, yeah? How are they?” Louis asks, taking a bite out of his breakfast.

“They’re so good, said to remind you that they miss you a lot.”

Louis scrunches his nose, sniffing a little because he misses his children just as much as well. “I miss them too.”

Harry watches Louis for a minute, his breakfast momentarily forgotten before he reaches over and his fingers linger over the fresh mark on the side of Louis’ neck. His fingers graze over it softly but then she presses right down, applying pressure and smirking when he lets out a low hiss. “I like this.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“All mine.”

They eat the rest of their breakfast in comfortable silence, watching the news and touching each other whenever they get the chance. Louis feels more love in his heart than he has in a while, feels refreshed with the amount of affection settling within his stomach. They get ready for the day, showering together where Harry pushes Louis against the wall and gets on his knees, eating Louis out until he’s crying. Before packing their bags up and hitting the road again.

Louis has already decided where he wants to go next. He’s been thinking about it all morning, had thought of it before they even decided to go on a road trip together. He’s not sure how Harry’s going to take it but he knows he has to visit this city before going back home, knows it’s an important, crucial part to mend their relationship. 

Harry falls asleep in the car, his head resting against on the window and Louis can’t help but feel immensely grateful. The twenty-six minute drive to Newcastle is peaceful, only Harry’s snoring sounds filling the car and Louis’ alone with his thoughts. He’s anxious, the feeling crawling under his skin as he grips the steering wheel tight and tries to push all his horrible thoughts to one side of his mind.

He starts driving in the neighbourhood roads, turning to where Zayn’s apartment block is and texting him to come outside.

Louis turns to Harry next, his heart racing out of his chest as he composes himself and shakes Harry gently. 

“Babe, get up please..”

“Mmhm?” Harry mumbles in his sleep, voice thick with weariness, smacking his lips before trying to settle in the uncomfortable car seat to drift back to sleep.

Louis grits his teeth, shaking him again firmly so he can wake up. He needs to alert Harry before Zayn comes out and greets him, before Harry’s given the shock of his life. “Wake up, babe. We’re here.”

That causes Harry’s brows to furrow, stirring and opening his eyes a fraction. “Here?” He repeats in confusion, lifting his head to observe the surroundings. “We were supposed to… where are we, Lou?” His voice an octave higher.

Then both of their eyes fall on Zayn. The glorious, attractive, captivating Zayn who's appearing from the apartment block with a cigarette around his lips and a black hoodie pulled over his head. The ever so beautiful Zayn with still the mysterious gaze in his eyes, walking steadily over to their car. Harry jolts out of his seat, all signs of sleep washed away.

“ _What the fuck_!” Harry says loudly, tearing his eyes away from Zayn quickly and settling on Louis with venom and hatred. “Did you fucking do this?” His fingers jab hard into Louis’ chest, sitting straight in his seat.

Louis begins to ramble. “We wanted to fix things, didn’t we? From the beginning, Harry. And _this_ is the beginning. We need to meet Zayn, sort through things, you need to spend time with your best friend-”

By this point, Zayn’s reached the car and knocks lightly on the window to grab their attention. Louis’ eyes fall on Zayn clearly now, his mouth going dry as he stares at his own best friend after two whole long years. He feels tears prickling at his eyes, wiping them away furiously because dammit. Sometimes, he feels like he’s still angry at Zayn and the feeling will never fade away permanently. Zayn stands before them, his hair pulled back in a quiff and dyed a light, fading pink. He still has the same prominent lavender eye bags under his eyes from lack of sleep but he still looks good. He looks amazing, even. He’s gained weight, there’s more to him and the muscles straining his tight shirt over his hoodie is clear he’s been working out.

“I can’t believe this.” Harry mutters under his breath, ripping his seatbelt off. He doesn’t leave the car, staring ahead at the road. “Drive us away, right now.”

“Baby, please.” Louis pleads.

“I want to leave _now_.”

Zayn knocks on the window again, trying to grab their attention but Louis holds a finger up to halt him. He doesn’t need Zayn to make things worse right now, not when Harry looks like he’s close to having a panic attack and there’s a desperate, afraid gaze behind his wide green eyes. Louis tears his seatbelt off, jumping out of his car and walking over to Harry’s side.

Zayn tries to touch him on the shoulder but he pushes away. “Give us a second, please.”

Zayn listens, much to surprise, helpless as he takes five steps back and gives the two of them space. Louis opens the car door, crouching down to level with Harry who sits with his eyes still training forward, determined to get out of here.

“You need to let me leave, right now.”

“Harry, you’re not leaving on your own.”

“I fucking am,” he snarls, his eyes vicious as he makes a move to dash and leave but Louis holds him back successfully. “Are you really going to force me to stay?” He asks, his voice shaking as tears fill his eyes.

“Harry, if you really want to leave like right now, I will take us,” he promises. “But, I think this is important. He misses you, Harry. He wants to fix things, can you please give him a chance?”

“This isn’t fair, Lou!” he complains. “I was supposed to do this on my terms, come here and meet him when I felt comfortable. Who gave you the fucking right to bring me here, really?”

“I know,” he says miserably, knowing he’s fucked up once again and he shouldn’t of done this. He should’ve talked to Harry beforehand, should’ve made his intentions abundantly clear before dragging him here. “I’m so sorry.”

“I hate this.”

“I thought it’d be a good way to get over our problems, to start over… to start a friendship over.”

“Just ‘cause you can fix your relationship with him, doesn’t mean I can,” Harry snaps, still not easing up with the insistent hatred pouring out of him from somewhere deep within where he’s buried his feelings for Zayn.

Louis swallows past the lump of guilt in his throat. “Please, give it a try.”

Harry shakes his head, pushing Louis gently out of the way before getting out of the car. Louis sighs a breath of relief, trying to twine their hands and trying not to feel the surge of hurt that comes over him when Harry bats it away. They walk up to Zayn, Harry’s eyes trained on the ground as Zayn nods and leads them through his apartment, taking the stairs to the third floor where he resides.

He unlocks his front door, letting them into the apartment and smiles sheepishly. “So.. this is where I live.”

It’s neat, is the thing. The apartment looks luxurious and expensive, the interior bright with the white and walls and furniture, creating a sophisticated feel. The living room is wide with an open plan, the kitchen just alongside, decorated with stylish, contemporary furniture. 

“Wow..” Louis’ at a loss of words. He had never imagined Zayn’s style to be so.. Grown up.

“So unlike me?” Zayn prompts.

“Yeah, it really is,” he finishes with a swallow. “I imagined something more artistic, creative.”

“Does this give you the middle aged, miserably married vibes?”

Louis guffaws, glancing around the apartment. “It does.”

“Well, you’d be right ‘cause me and my boyfriend share this place.”

Louis gasps a little, not expecting that at all and he can see Harry’s head snap up from the corner of his eyes. Zayn nods to confirm what he says, walking over to the photo frame sitting on the coffee table before smiling sweetly and handing it over to Louis. 

He takes it off him, stretching his arm out so Harry can get a glance because he’s sure his husband would want to see too. It’s a beautiful, heartfelt picture. One that Louis never imagined ever seeing because Zayn’s carefree, independent nature never wanted to settle down. Zayn’s carrying another man on his shoulders, his arms holding up the man’s legs whilst the man’s arm comes to wrap around Zayn’s neck. The man is well-built, just like Zayn with chocolate brown hair that has a high fade and long hair on top. He has a cheeky grin plastered over his goofy face, leaning down the old and kissing Zayn’s cheeks.

To answer any questions Louis has, Zayn begins to explain. “His name is Mike. I met him at the new job here in Newcastle, we worked in a firm together. In the firm, I did illustrations, drawings, graphic design and he was the official photographer of all the models. He’s just… so bloody brilliant. We’ve been dating for a year and seven months.”

Louis reels in all the information, his heart warming up to the idea of Zayn being happy with somebody else. It makes him happy.

“Where is he now, then?” He asks.

“I asked him to give us some space… to sort through our problems,” he gestures his hands in the air.

Harry’s eyes are still burning on the picture, not looking anywhere else and eventually, his finger comes to linger over the frame. Zayn’s features soften further as he notices Harry’s movements.

“I’m sorry, Harry.” He starts.

Harry doesn’t answer, looking away all of a sudden.

Louis’ aware of the atmosphere between the three of them, it’s tense and they can barely exchange a sentence or two with how awkward it feel. Zayn’s trying though, he’s trying to put effort in and make it seem like he cares. It’s so unlike him. Before when they were still the bestest friends, Zayn was the adventurous type, always up to trouble, encouraging Harry to follow in his footstep. He never cared about anything, anyone long enough and never committed to a single person. Now, they stand before each other with not many words to exchange.

“How long will you guys be staying?” Zayn finally clears his throat, moving to the kitchen to grab a carton of orange juice and pouring it into two glasses.

Louis accepts the orange juice off him, placing the photoframe down and taking a sip. Harry takes it off him gingerly, barely tasting before placing the juice on the table.

“Come, sit,” Zayn pats the empty sofa.

Louis and Harry sit besides each other and he doesn’t miss the way his husband edges away, keeping his distance. It causes bile to build in his throat, knowing he hurt Harry by catching him off guard. He wishes he could have a moment or two alone to explain, to apologise for cornering Harry like this and forcing him to face his demons without discussing it. 

“Um.. we’re not sure, actually,” Louis remembers there’s a question he needs to answer. “We haven’t planned it out and considering..” he throws a worried side glance to Harry.

Zayn seems to understand. “It’s fine, whatever you guys need to do. You can stay here for as long as you please.”

The next minutes pass in silence. There’s nothing to say, nothing to do between them. The silence sits heavy in the room, strangling Louis with how deafening it feels. Eventually, Zayn grabs the remotes and flicks through the channel before settling on old reruns of Hollyoaks.

“How was the journey?” Zayn conversates.

“It was alright, mate. We drove up from Sunderland, didn’t even take an hour.”

Harry remains stubbornly silent, his eyes trained on the carpet as he refuses to make contact or speak. He doesn’t attempt to join in the conversation, not even trying to make an effort. He looks extremely uncomfortable too, with the way his body language is shut down, shoulders stiff, making himself appear smaller than he is. 

Before anyone can speak another word, Harry gets up. “I need to freshen up,” he mumbles, his voice cracking as he leaves the room towards the bathroom.

As soon as his presence is gone, Zayn exhales heavily. “Fucking hell.”

“Are you not going to say anything?” Louis demands, his voice coming out stronger than intended. “He’s waiting for an apology, you know.”

“He isn’t waiting for anything,” Zayn counters, narrowing his eyes. “He hates me, Lou. Are you looking at the way he’s staring at me?”

“Harry doesn’t hate you, for Godsakes.” Louis lets out a sigh, looking at Zayn and lowering his harsh tone. He knows Zayn doesn’t mean for this whole ordeal to be difficult, he would take it back in a heartbeat if he could. “He loves you, he always has. That love will never fade away, no matter how much he tries. See, he’s here right now, isn’t he? It says something. I know it bothers him that you and him don’t talk anymore.”

“It bothers me too, Louis. You’re constantly pinning it on me like I’m somehow miraculously okay with this.”

“You don’t try to make it any better, though.”

Zayn looks wild when he says. “I don’t know how to, Louis! I don’t know how to speak about my feelings, you know I find it difficult.”

“Just talk!” Louis raises his voice, hoping Harry can’t hear the argument taking place because of him. “Go to him, tell him how you feel and apologise. He just wants it to be that simple.”

“Harry isn’t ever simple.”

“No. No, he’s not but you can make it simple.”

Zayn squeezes his eyes shut, sagging on the sofa. “Okay, Louis. I’ll go and talk to him.”

*

Once Harry’s finally alone, he finally feels like he can breathe again. He’s been trying to control his whirlwind of emotions since he’s been here and he still can’t navigate through them all. He doesn’t even know how he really feels. Shocked? Upset? Betrayed? He never imagined being here today, to face Zayn and his new life, his new partner. It’s all surreal, he’s not sure how to deal with it. 

It’s comforting knowing Zayn’s doing well, though. It’s something Harry always wondered, always found himself thinking about. He can tell Zayn’s made a difference to his life just by the way he carries himself, the way he talks, like he has a purpose to live and wants to make the most of it, wants to share it with others. He can tell by the way Zayn’s eyes lit up when he talked about Mike. 

It’s comforting and it’s soothing. Harry just wishes he had a present role in Zayn’s life, too. That Zayn wanted him back in his life.

He gives himself a moment or two to catch up with his breathing, sure he’s been on a verge of a panic attack for almost an hour now. He grabs tissue paper, getting it wet with water before dabbing it on his face to freshen him. He splashes cold water on his face, patting it on every inch so he can wake up and stop dreaming.

He’s not dreaming.

Harry doesn’t have much time to dwell on his feelings when he hears a knock on the door. He suspects it’s Louis, following after him to make sure he’s okay. He knows Louis feels bad about bringing him here and he should, too. He’s about to tell Louis to go away when.

“Harry?” It’s Zayn’s deep voice, gently tapping on the door again. “Are you there? Can you let me in, please?”

Harry freezes.

He’s not ready to talk to Zayn, not now. Not when his mind is running a thousand miles per hour and he can’t even slow down to catch a thought. He doesn’t even know what to say to Zayn, why they’re even here attempting to fix anything.

Still, he nods and moves towards the lock, unlatching it and letting Zayn wander in. A few seconds later, Zayn enters and offers a small, pitiful smile.

“You alright, man?” He asks, his voice full of concern as he closes the door behind him.

Harry feels queasy, his stomach twisting and turning but he doesn’t want to make a fool of himself right now. Not when he has Zayn alone after two years, the feeling foreign to him now.

“I guess.”

Zayn raises a brow. “You guess?”

“No. I’m not alright, no.”

“Harry, I’m really so sorry.”

“You left me, Zayn,” Harry says, finally letting out the words that have been holding him hostage for these past two years. He doesn’t hesitate holding anything back this time. “You left me, walked out of my life.”

“I know.”

“It’s amazing, though. You’ve got a new job, a new boyfriend. It’s great and exciting. But you still left like.. Like I meant nothing, you blamed me for everything. You changed your number like we haven’t shared a friendship of so many bloody years.”

Zayn’s expression remains painfully neutral. “I know.”

A surge of frustration washes over Harry, suddenly feeling more confident as he steps forward and shoves his chest. “So, why the fuck did you do that?”

“You know why, Harry. Me going over it isn’t going to change the story.”

“You’re pathetic, that’s what it is.”

Zayn shrugs. “I may be. I may be pathetic and cowardly but whatever I did, it was for you and Louis. It may not have been the best decision but I did it because I believe in love, I didn’t want to be the reason you two split apart.”

“No, no. No. You don’t have the right to claim you did this to protect our love. You’re just shit. That’s all.”

“If you say so,” Zayn shrugs again, remaining as calm as possible and not giving anything away. “It may not be logical or make sense anymore, but it did at the time. You two kept arguing because of me, Harry. I didn’t want to be in that position anymore. I had to remove myself from the situation.”

Harry’s eyes narrow. “I didn’t want you to leave.”

“But, you did, Harry. You said it yourself, remember? You came to my flat, throwing accusations, saying I was putting a barrier between you and Louis.”

There’s a pause that follows before Harry lets out in a muted tone. “I never really meant that, Z. It was the heat of the moment.”

“I know, babe. At the same time I got a job offer here in Newcastle, it was incredible, full of opportunity. So I dropped everything and came. It was two birds with one stone, you and Louis got a fighting chance and I got a promotion.”

“You should’ve told me. I came to your flat to apologise and you were just gone.”

Zayn sighs heavily. “I know.”

“You should’ve told me, shouldn’t of cut me off.”

“I know, Harry.”

“Lola asked about you so much. All the time.”

Zayn’s features are replaced with sorrow, his lips curling downwards as he wraps an arm around himself. “She did?”

Harry nods. “She was attached to you, loved you.”

“Fuck,” he lets out a little laugh, mostly trying to cover up the sadness that overtakes him. “I never expected that.”

“It wasn’t fair on her, Zayn. She lost her uncle, she had to learn to forget you.”

“I’m so sorry Harry. Seriously.”

“I’m so mad at you,” he continues to mumble, feeling so weak and vulnerable yet craving Zayn’s hug in this instant. “So, so mad.”

Almost like he read Harry’s mind, he extends his arm out for a hug with a faint smile. Harry doesn’t bother waiting any longer, he moves forward and falls into the embrace gracefully. He feels warmth filling his empty bones, holding him down and in place as Zayn’s arms secure around his frame and swaying him gently side to side. Harry doesn’t realise but he’s let a tear or two slip.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Zayn’s whispering now, his words a soothing tune in his ears. “You’re my best friend, you know. That’s never changed.”

“Then please don’t push me away anymore.”

“As long as you promise you’ll make things work with Louis, babe. He’s trying.”

Harry releases a shaky breath, nodding into his chest. “Okay, I promise.”

“I promise too,” his voice is barely audible as he kisses the top of Harry’s hair and holds him in place.

They stay embraced for a while, not letting out any sounds or words and just enjoying each other’s presence. Zayn lets his fingers drag through Harry’s curls, tugging on the strands and Harry snuggles further into his chest. He’s missed his best friend so much.

“Wanna go back inside because, I swear, your husband is worried sick.”

*

Though they’ve managed to talk through the bulk of the problem, the atmosphere doesn’t quite snap back. There’s still tension lingering as they try to adapt to the shift between them. Harry, though, has mainly managed to relax and let himself go. Zayn seems more confident, too, the layer of guard removed as he dismisses himself to start dinner.

Harry and Louis cuddle up on the sofa, both muttering apologies into each other’s lips and skin. Louis holds him close, his arms around his shoulders, Harry’s head snuggled into his chest. They watch the movie in their embrace, only glancing at each other momentarily and quoting the movie as they erupt into fits of giggles. Louis’ spare hand come to trace patterns on the back of Harry’s jeans, scratching the skin with his fingernails and reveling in the way Harry shivers from the contact.

When the movie ends, they switch the TV off and wander into the kitchen to help out Zayn. His back is turned, facing the stove as his fingers clutch around his iPhone.

“Yeah, babe. It’s all good here.” He’s speaking into the phone, his voice hushed as he grabs the wooden spoon and gives the saucepan a stir. “How’s your mum? Make sure you told her I miss her. Yeah? That’s good, babe. I’m glad. Hmm, no, I’m not sure how much longer they’ll be staying but come over to meet them? Tomorrow? Sure, I will. I’ll get your laundry, too, yeah.” Zayn pauses, letting out a glorious laugh as he throws his head back and shakes it. “Okay, whatever. Horny bastard. Love you baby, speak to you later.”

He puts his phone down on the kitchen counter, turning around and noticing Harry and Louis standing behind him.

“Talking to Mike?” Harry waggles his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Zayn answers with an easy laugh, returning to work on his food. “He was just checking in.”

“When will we get to meet him?”

“We’ll see,” he smirks. “If you’re good, tomorrow.”

Harry helps out by setting the table, putting three separate plates and glasses out whilst Louis helps with the dishes that need washing. Zayn finishes his preparations, bringing the steaming hot saucepan over and serving his spaghetti bolognese in three separate places. They take their seats.

Louis smiles at the food. “This looks well nice, thanks, mate.” He pokes his fork in the spaghetti, twirling a few strands before taking a bite. 

“Tastes amazing, too. Wow.” Harry compliments, immediately going for the second forkful.

Zayn beams at the compliments, his cheeks flushing. “It’s a basic recipe, don’t flatter me too much.”

They eat for a few minutes in silence, just appreciating the exceptional taste of the spaghetti. Louis lets his eyes wander between the two lads every now and then, noticing how they share private, small smiles. With each smile, he finds himself relaxing more and more. Maybe coming up here isn’t so much of a mistake anymore.

“So tell me about your job, then.” Harry’s the first to break the silence, waving his fork in the air with his eyes focusing on Zayn.

Zayn nods, clearing his throat and using his napkin to wipe away sauce that’s left on his chin. He puts his fork down, twining his fingers resting underneath his chin.

“So, I work in a firm that work with different designer brands and so on. I’m the graphic designer and illustrator, I create any designs the brand may want. It’s a sick job, lovely and friendly, full of creative individuals.”

“Got any examples of the work you’ve done?”

“Oh, yeah!” Zayn lips stretch into a smile. “Mike’s obsessed, really. He made a whole album of my work like the cheesy twat he is. He shows everyone. I’ll show you, if you’d like.” He pauses. “And you two?”

Louis clears his throat, glancing to Harry for a second who simply nods reassuringly.

“Well,” he starts, then, “I’m a lawyer. Criminal. You already know that but I’ve begun to work high profile cases.”

“Any recent cases?”

“Um, yeah,” Louis smiles sadly. “Daisy. I’m sure you’ll hear about it all over the news really soon.”

Zayn nods. “And you, Harry?”

“I… I quit the bakery when the twins were born, as you know. Never looked back.”

“Really?” His eyes widen, resuming to eat now. “I thought you’d eventually return to the bakery, you loved it so much. Always bringing food back.”

Harry hums, sighing. “I do. I still do, I miss it a lot. But I love my children even more than that and I owe it to them to always be around. It was an easy sacrifice.”

“Fuck,” Zayn laughs. “I don’t think I could give up my job for anything.”

Another moment of silence falls between them. Louis doesn’t miss the way Harry tenses, his shoulders stiff as he pokes the spaghetti harder. 

“I think you can give up your career, when it comes down to it, for things that really, truly matter.” He supplies.

Harry beams.

~

I wanna do something right  
But we can do something better  
Ain't no time like tonight  
And we ain't trying to save it 'til later  
Stay out here living the life  
Nobody cares who we are tomorrow  
You got that lil' something I like

**Justin Timberlake - Take Back The Night**

*

The idea had occurred to Louis when he had been scrolling through his Twitter, finding a picture of a lesbian couple who had painted on each other’s backs. He stares at the picture with a burning gaze, the sunset on one of the girls and the night with stars on the other girls. It seemed like such an intimate act and he wants to do it.

It’s how they find themselves in the guest bedroom of Zayn’s apartment, the lights dimmed, just a few candles illuminating the room. Harry’s laid out on his stomach, his arms tucked underneath his chin as Louis straddles his hips from behind. Harry’s pliant underneath him, in a submissive headspace after Louis had opened him up with three fingers, placing a butt plug in his hole and jerked him off until he came with a cry. A perfect scenario for Louis to work with.

Zayn, obviously, had body paint around the house. He had passed it over easily, a knowing smirk sprawled over his lips as he insists they make the best use of the paint as he heads off to a date with Mike.

They’re left all alone in this luxurious apartment all to themselves. There’s no sounds except Harry’s weak panting and the wet squelch of the paint that Louis keeps splattering onto his back, trying not to wince at his horrendous art skills.

Harry groans every time the paintbrush hits his back. Louis uses his spare hand to rest on any bump and curve on Harry’s body, rediscovering every part of his body and squeezing marks into his hip chub. He paints a field, full of sunflowers and he decides he’s doing much better than expected with the painting.

“You like how it feels?” Louis can’t resist to lean down, avoiding the paint smearing over him and placing a soft, lingering kiss behind Harry’s ear.

The simple gesture leads to Harry letting out a moan. “It’s cold. I love it.”

“Mhmm. I thought as much.”

Louis doesn’t give Harry a chance to add anything else to the conversation, straightening up and returning to his masterpiece. He adds a splash of dark yellow to add definition the flowers, his tongue sticking out as he concentrates. He wants to take his time, keep Harry right on the edge, wants the two of them to feel proud of the creation.

“I love feeling you on top of me.”

Louis lets out a laugh, his hands wandering down as he shifts to smack Harry’s ass half-heartedly. The simple contact makes Harry to groan, arching his back.

“No,” Louis tsks, pushing him back. “No moving.”

“God. You’re killing me.”

“I’m only painting,” Louis says with faux innocence, his smirk growing.

Louis loves watching his husband in this position, eager to please, unable to resist anything Louis gives him.

“I’m gonna do the sun now,” he informs Harry, dipping his paintbrush in the water to drain the paint before rolling it around in the orange. “Going to make it look pretty.”

Louis shifts on Harry’s body so the rest of his back is exposed, he starts stroking the paintbrush across again. He can hear Harry’s ramblings, groaning and Louis rolls his eyes as he puts the paintbrush down. He grabs a fistful of Harry’s hair, tightening his hold but keeping his head pushed into the mattress.

“You’re awfully loud today.” Louis mutters, his tone clipped and impatient. He pulls Harry’s head up by the hair.

“Fuck.” Harry moans out loud, clearing not understanding the concept of quiet.

Louis’ lips attach to his neck, biting and licking all over. “I want you to be quiet, okay? Can you do that for me, baby? Let me work on your back in peace.”

It takes Harry a few minutes to reply. “Yes, Louis.”

Louis releases his hair, letting his head fall back down and he’s pleased with the answer. He repositions himself, returning to the painting. Harry does remain silent, though he still struggles, biting on his fists. Louis flicks his paint brush across his back again, working harder than needed on the sun he’s painting right below Harry’s neck. Every now and then, he’ll reach over to swat Harry’s ass just because he can or pushing the plug harder against his prostate. Other times, he presses his thumb hard into his hips to make sure to leave marks.

After another half an hour, Louis decides he’s had enough painting and has finished his piece. He admits he’s been working purposely slow, wanting to keep Harry on his stomach for as long as possible. He finally lifts himself up, dipping the paintbrush back in the water and patting his ass.

“I’m done, babe.”

Harry doesn’t move from his position. “Take a picture, please. I want to see.”

“Of course,” Louis grants his wish, picking up his phone from the bedside table and opening the camera to snap a few shots. “Your ass also has a lovely handprint, mine.” He adds.

Harry groans, nodding into the mattress. “Show me, please.”

“So polite.”

Louis smirks, taking the perfect shots of his back and his reddened ass cheeks with the pink plug pushed inside of him. He loves it. He wants to post this picture up for the whole world to admire too, to show how far he can push his husband. He lets his hands wander around the hot skin, pinching. Harry cries out which prompts Louis to swat his ass with the hardest force yet.

“Quiet.” Louis instructs, pulling away and passing his phone over.

Harry takes it off him gently, observing carefully as he flicks through the few pictures one by one.

“You did such an amazing job, Lou,” he breathes out, zooming in and memorising each stroke and colour. “It looks good, I wish I could see it on my back rather than pictures.”

“Wanna fuck you,” Louis finally says, unable to keep back his filthy thoughts. “I want you to keep the paint whilst I push into you, fuck you hard.” 

Harry groans high in his throat, nodding eagerly and positioning on his hands and knees already. Always ready, always eager.

Louis raises one brow, smirking as his eyes wander down Harry’s perfect body. He notices that the boy is fully hard again and can’t help but reach over, gripping his cock tightly. He watches the way Harry nearly falls out of his position. 

“I got you off once and you’re hard again, so fucking desperate.”

“I am, Lou. You drive me mad.”

Louis rolls his eyes as he starts moving his hand up and down Harry’s shaft in careful strokes. “I do?”

“So much. Please, fuck me. Please.”

Louis nods, he can’t hold back his arousal any longer as he lets go of his grip on Harry’s cock. Instead, he walks forward to face Harry. He notices his flushed cheeks, wide eyes for the first time since he started painting and has to lean forward to kiss him filthy on the lips. They kiss for a few minutes, heavily panting and licking into each other’s mouths.

“Fuck me,” Harry whispers. “C’mon then. Claim me.”

Louis collides their lips together again, fisting Harry’s hair. “I’m going to fuck you, then we’ll shower and I’ll get this paint off you. Then, I’ll fuck you again even when you’re oversensitive, watch you come for the third time tonight.”

Harry’s head falls back, groaning. Louis doesn’t waste anymore time, he resumes his position behind Harry’s ass. He takes a few moments to kiss soft kisses all over Harry’s red ass, peppering him with affection before spreading lube on his fingers and reaching over for the plug pushed deep in Harry’s hole.

“Going to take this out,” he lets him know, his fingers grazing around Harry’s red hole before swiftly pulling the plug out in one movement.

Harry groans, his head falling into the mattress with a single touch. With Louis’ spare hands, he starts tugging at his own hard cock and licks his lips at the beautiful sight before him. Harry, on the bed, on his knees with body paint all over him and a beautiful red ass shoved near Louis’ face. 

“Tell me how much you love me.” Louis demands, feeling needy.

Harry doesn’t waste a second to start rambling. “I love you, Louis. Only ever you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” he hisses out when Louis pinches his ass cheeks, giving it a lazy smack. “I couldn’t live without you ever if I tried.”

Louis smiles, his own cheeks flushing and he can’t believe the effect his husband has on him even after fifteen years. They’re still horny as ever, can still have the most intimate, hot sex.

“I’m going to fuck you now. Hard and good.”

Harry nods. “Fuck me like the first time, please.”

Louis’ mind wanders off for a second, memories of their heavy makeout sessions right in the beginning of their relationship. They could tease each other practically anywhere, in the library, in the restaurant, and get worked up. He remembers always going to Harry’s dorm rooms, fucking him in the tiny shower rooms. Louis feels a shoot of arousal spike through him and he doesn’t reply. Instead, he pushes his cock right into his hole and revels in the first tight push despite the plug keeping him open.

“You’re fucking filthy and you’re all mine.” Louis tells him, his words rough as he pants from the the tight feeling around his cock. 

“Always yours,” Harry tries to move back, fuck himself on Louis’ cock but Louis immediately spanks him.

“Still. Let me use you.”

Harry stops all movements, halting and lets his head hang in the air as he waits patiently for Louis to begin fucking him properly. Louis loves this, he never wants to spend another moment doing with this with anyone else. He knows Harry’s body inside out, how he gets whiny when he’s desperate to get fucked, how he can beg and plead for what he wants with watery eyes.

“Please, fuck me, Louis.” Harry asks.

“Say please, beg for it, baby.”

Harry begins rambling, unable to keep the words back. “Please, baby. Please, fuck me. Fuck me so deep that I forget about all our arguments.”

Louis groans. “What else?”

“Fuck me so I forget everything, so hard that I can only scream your name. Please, I need it, Louis. Only you can give it to me good.”

Louis doesn’t waste anymore time, not asking his baby to beg anymore. He’s heard enough and he’s ready to wreck him instead. He snaps his hips forward, bottoming out before pulling out until only his tip is inside and slamming hard. Harry inches forward with the force, his head dropping as he moans shamelessly. Then, Louis really gives it to him.

He fucks him until he can’t breathe, can’t feel anything but Harry’s warm, tight heat around him. His spare hands rest on Harry’s hips, digging in to leave further marks as he uses his spare hand to smear the paint and ruining the artwork. He smears the paint all the way down to Harry’s ass.

Harry keeps chanting his name, unable to say anything else. Louis angles his thrusts, hitting Harry’s prostate dead-on judging by the way Harry lets out a string of incoherent words, whimpering louder.

“I’m a fool for wasting our time doing anything but this with you,” Louis lets out.

“Never again. Fuck,” he lets out on a particularly hard thrust. 

Harry twists his head back, his lips puckered for a kiss and Louis leans down to connect their lips together. He continues to thrust for a few more minutes, his orgasm building up and his abdomen tightening as he garbles out a warning and releases into Harry. He slows down, trying to catch up with his panting and using his spare hand to wipe away the sweat rolling down his forehead. 

Then, he pulls out, rolling onto his side to face Harry.

“You’re going to fuck my throat, come in my mouth and after our shower, we’ll go for round two. Okay?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, aligning Harry to take his cock into his mouth.

*

The next morning, they’re brought out of their blissful sleep from both of their phones vibrating continuously. Harry groans, rolling over and pressing the lock button on his phone to silence it before drifting back to sleep, snuggling further into Louis’ chest. The room falls into silence, no sound except the birds chirping outside until Louis’ phone vibrates this time.

“Bloody hell,” he mumbles in his deep slumber, still worn out from the endless sex yesterday. He contemplates letting it go to voicemail before deciding against it, rolling onto his back and pressing accept without checking called ID. “What?” He snaps.

“Louis?” It’s Sophia’s voice, she sounds tender and afraid, her voice on the edge.

Suddenly, sleep is not on Louis’ mind at all. He jolts out of his weariness, sitting straight on the bed so his limbs untangle with Harry. 

“Soph? It’s 6am, bloody.. Is everything okay?” Louis can’t keep the hint of fear out of his voice, dread running cold in his veins as all the possible bad scenarios cross his mind.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Harry shifting and rubbing his eyes. He gets up too, sitting besides Louis. His hands snake down Louis’ inner thighs, squeezing but Louis can’t concentrate on anything besides Sophia’s breathing down the other line.

“I’m so sorry to disturb you at this hour, Lou. But. Noah has a bad fever, really and I don’t know what to do.”

Louis’ brain slows down, trying to comprehend this words. His son is sick and he’s not there to comfort him, to make him feel better. Noah’s usually a soldier, has hardly ever fallen ill and the thought alone causes an uncomfortable twist in his stomach.

“What’s going on, Lou?” Harry asks in a hushed voice.

But, Louis ignores him. “What’s he acting like, Soph?”

“He’s burning up, so hot to touch and he’s been vomiting..” her voice trails off, close to tears. “He’s been up all night, crying and Liam and I are trying our best but we’re so out of our element.”

“What have you been doing to help him?” He asks, his voice short.

Harry’s squeeze tightens. “Louis..”

Louis continues to ignore him though, can’t focus on anything else right now.

“I gave Noah loads of liquids to drink, a lot of water. I made him get into bed, got him warm but it isn’t working and I’m really worried.”

Louis lets out a strangled sigh, running a hand through his hair. He misses his children so dearly, thinks about them everyday and jumps at any chance to talk to them. The thought of being away when Noah is sick, though, is a different kind of emotion. He bites back the lump in his throat, swallowing the distaste and trying to compose himself enough to think straight, to help Noah in any way he can.

“What’s his fever?”

“102°F.”

“Louis?” Harry’s asking again now, brows furrowed and looking just as afraid as Louis is.

Louis points the index finger at him, telling him to wait as his brain racks with ideas to aid Sophia. 

“Okay, you’re doing really well, Soph. You need to give him a bath in lukewarm water, not cold, and then take him to the GP as an emergency appointment tomorrow morning. In the meanwhile, give him ibuprofen syrup and read to him until he falls asleep. The GP will prescribe anything Noah may need if the fever doesn’t go down by the morning.”

Sophia releases a stressed sigh. “Louis, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey..” Louis’ voice softens, his lips curling downwards. “Don’t be sorry, it’s really not your fault, babe. Just, look after Noah and tell him I love him ever so much. Keep texting me updates.”

With that, he hangs up and places his phone down with a heavy heart. He takes a deep breath, looking over to Harry and being met with a dark, venomous look. He doesn’t bother trying to comfort Harry, his thoughts racing as he squeezes his eyes shut. The warmth of Harry’s hand on his thighs disappear.

“What the hell happened to Noah?” Harry demands to know, his voice unkind.

“Don’t talk to me like this,” Louis snips back. “You heard perfectly fine, he has a bloody fever and Sophia was freaking out.”

“Is he okay, though?”

“He’s a soldier, Harry. He’ll be fine. He’s just feeling uncomfortable and keeps crying and vomiting. He’ll get through this.”

“And did you talk to him?”

Louis shakes his head. “He’s too distressed to do so.”

“You’re talking about him like I don’t know what Noah’s like,” Harry lets out a humourless laugh. 

Louis furrows his brows. “Are you fucking mad right now, seriously?” He asks pathetically, knowing he’s pushing further on a thin thread.

Harry’s head snaps back to him, his eyes darkening as he throws his hands in the air out of a weak moment of frustration. “Ding, ding! Well done, we have a winner, Tomlinson!” His voice is pure mockery.

“What the hell did I do wrong?” Louis rips the duvet off his body, standing up off the bed and placing his hands on his hips. “Are you really going to start an argument when our son is sick?”

“Our son?” Harry shakes his head. “The way you talk about him, the way you act - it’s almost as if he’s only your son. ‘Tell him I love him ever so much??’ What about me?”

Louis observes Harry’s expression for a second, trying to make out whether this is a serious argument they’re having. He doesn’t want to talk about this, not something so ridiculous and untrue. 

“What the hell?”

Harry takes a step back, seeming to be done with the conversation as he bends down to grab his wash bag and moving towards the bathroom. Louis isn’t done, though. Not yet. He follows immediately, his teeth gritting together because he refuses to let Harry act like this and then walk away. Not now. Not when they’ve come so far. They’re not going to let all their progress go down the drain.

He grabs Harry’s wrist tightly, spinning him back around. 

Harry’s demeanor shifts, trying to pull his arm back. “Let go of me.” He warns.

“Stop acting like a fucking child, Harry. Let’s sort this out. Don’t walk away.”

“Lou,” his voice is strangled, trying to snap back his arm despite the tight hold and grimacing, lips contorting to something pained. “You’re hurting me. Louis.”

Something snaps inside of Louis, he instantly drops his wrists and the guilt slams into him as he softens. This argument isn’t worth anything. It isn’t worth arguing over, hurting Harry over. He can’t even swallow the regret.

“Fuck,” he lets out, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you, I didn’t even realise. Fuck. I’m really sorry, Harry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, really. I’m so-”

“I said, it’s _fine_.” Harry snaps, clutching his wash bag with both hands.

A moment passes between the two of them, neither of them speaking. Louis sees anguish behind Harry’s green orbs, tired as he turns on his heels and resumes making his way to the ensuite bathroom.

Louis waits.

He needs to give Harry space for the moment. They just had a heated argument, Harry needs time to cool down and so does Louis. He needs to gather his thoughts so he can get a word or two across without erupting into hurtful words. He sits on the edge of his bed, his fingers twining and twisting as he tries to settle the discomfort in his stomach. He desperately wants to walk over to the bathroom, apologise until his throat is burning. Instead, Louis waits. And waits.

Finally, Harry leaves the ensuite and his green eyes are much more clearer now as he drops the washbag on the side and makes his way over to where Louis sits.

“Tell me what you meant when you said I talk about Noah like he’s my son only.” 

Harry’s still stubborn though, apparently because he shakes his head. “I’d rather not.”

Louis sighs. “Harry. Please. We’ve been working on our relationship and we’ve made it so far, have worked so hard. I’m so proud of us. But we can’t take ten steps back after our five steps forward. We need to communicate with each other, tell each other exactly how we’re feeling because I feel like I’m about to lose my mind.”

Harry waits a moment, biting his lips before sighing. “It’s just… the way you talk about Noah, like I’m not even part of their lives. When you picked up the call, you ignored me even though I kept asking.”

“I know, love. But Sophia was freaking out, she really needed me.”

“I know that but. I just would’ve appreciated if you paused for a second to catch me up or even put the phone on loudspeaker. I felt so out of tune, so out of the loop. Something was wrong and I didn’t know, just had to decide what was going on from what you were saying. I love our sons, Lou and I need to know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It would’ve taken a second,” Harry presses on. “The way you told him that you love him, not even sending my regards?”

Louis exhales. “I’m sorry that I made you feel that way, Harry,” he says sincerely, cutting the distance between them and linking their fingers together. “Trust me, it wasn’t my intention and I was so caught up in the moment, I didn’t even realise. You deserved to know exactly when I did, I’m sorry.”

Harry’s pout drops, at least as he nods in agreement. “But, I can understand your side, a little. Just, don’t do that again okay?”

“It won’t happen,” Louis promises, raising Harry’s wrist and kissing him softly. “Is it okay, I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Harry softens. “I’m fine, Louis.. It wasn’t even hurting, I just needed you to let go so I could walk away.”

Louis rolls his eyes, swatting his shoulder before pulling him into an embrace. He snuggles his head into Harry’s neck, letting the argument roll off him. “I’m sorry, I promise I’ll be better.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Harry whispers.

~

So come on let it go  
Just let it be  
Why don't you be you  
And I'll be me  
Everything's that's broke  
Leave it to the breeze  
Why don't you be you  
And I'll be me

**James Bay - Let It Go**  
*

Zayn’s sitting on the dining table with his boyfriend at breakfast time. It’s clear they had heard the early morning commotion judging by the way they send unsure smiles towards the two of them. 

“Yes, me and my husband had an argument this morning,” Louis says sharply, probably more defensive than necessary as he gestures between himself and harry. “Problem?”

Zayn shakes his head, his smile growing before his head snaps back to his boyfriend. “See why I like him?” He asks Mike who simply nods in return, his head falling back in laughter.

Mike gets up from his seat. He looks even more exceptionally attractive in person if the photo frame was anything to go by. His figure is a dream, clearly works hard on it with his toned thighs, his small waist yet his bicep muscles bulging. He has a sharp jawline with the perfect amount of facial hair, has pigmented plump lips. He’s sex on legs. He walks over to Louis and Harry, shaking hands with both of them like a proper gentleman.

“Good morning, guys. I’m sorry about the argument. I’m Mike, Zayn’s boyfriend.”

Harry takes the initiative, stepping forward first and plastering on a sincere smile. “Nice to meet you, Mike. I’m really sorry you had to hear all that..”

“Nah, it’s alright.”

“I’m Harry, Zayn’s.. Friend. And this is my husband, Louis.”

Mike steers the conversation easily, not adding any awkward pauses as his words flow out easily. It’s almost like he’s known the two of them for a long time, acting completely natural around them. 

They sit down for breakfast as Mike serves each of them two french toast slices each. He talks a little about himself, introducing himself and running through the story of how him and Zayn met and how it’s his favourite story in the world. He also asks about Harry and Louis’ marriage, mesmerised as he listens with wide eyes at the their story, telling them both how much he admires how they’ve lasted this long and their sensible idea to keep trying even after the threat of a divorce.

Once breakfast is over, they settle on the sofa in the living room as Mike begins to list off things to do in Newcastle.

“Been here all my whole,” he smiles, leaning back on the sofa and throwing his arm around Zayn to rein him in. “I could never imagine living anywhere else and managed to meet the love of my life here too.”

Mike’s charming and so easy to get along with. Harry assures they’ll check out the places before they leave, making a mental note of each location. Mike, then, accuses himself to go to work as he kisses Zayn’s lips.

“I hope I can talk to you two properly one day,” he says as he shrugs his jacket on, grabbing his phone off the charger and pocketing it on. “It’s a shame you guys are leaving today. I would’ve taken a day off work.”

“It’s alright, mate. Another time.” Louis reassures him.

Mike kisses Zayn, promising to call later before waving to the married pair and then walking out of the apartment. Zayn exhales once he’s gone, unable to wipe the bright smile off his face. 

“Sorry, lads. I know I promised it’d be just us but I just started missing him too much.”

Harry dismisses his apology with a shake of his hand. “Don’t apologise, silly.”

“So, is everything okay between you two?” Zayn asks, his smile fading a little. 

Louis bites his lip, looking between the two of them apologetically. “Were we loud?”

“A little… yeah. Woke me and Mike up, actually.”

“Bloody hell,” Louis lets out an uneasy laugh, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. Noah has a fever and we got stressed about it.”

“Oh? Is he okay, do you guys need to leave or?”

“Nah,” Harry cuts in with a smile. “He’s going to be alright. It’s a high temperature, yeah but not dangerous.”

“I doubt the twins remember me,” Zayn whispers, a touch of vulnerability and sadness touching in his tone as he attempts to distract himself and grabs the remote to switch on the TV.

Harry sighs. “They were only one when they met you, I doubt they do too.”

“I’ll get a chance to meet them again, reintroduce myself,” he shrugs. “How much longer are you guys planning to stay on the road?”

It’s a good question. A question neither Harry or Louis have thought to discuss, always going with the flow and what feels right to them in the moment. They had packed their bags and fled the scene without a second thought or planning. Only with the promise they’ll return when they’re figured things out. They’ve managed to restore most of their relationship and love, talked through their problems, had time alone and a chance to smooth over the bumps in the road. There’s still the matter of forgiveness in every aspect they fucked up but it’s coming undone slowly by itself.

Louis hums, shrugging. “Whenever, really. We don’t have a set date.”

“Aren’t you missing out on work and like your children?”

“Yeah, of course but it’s okay. I’d rather be here with Harry.”

Zayn nods. “Makes sense.”

“We need to get back on the road today, as well.” Harry reminds him.

“Then you better get ready, lads.” Zayn claps his hand, forgetting everything he’s doing and jumping up from his space on the sofa. “It’s time we go exploring before we depart.”

*

The rest of the day is spent with Zayn as he eagerly shows them around some of his favourite places in Newcastle. He takes them down the famous bridge, letting Harry take artistic photos before taking him down to one of the most popular, crowded pubs. They order a pint each, sitting in the pub garden as they reminisce on old memories. The ones that aren’t clouded by messy arguments. Zayn takes them down to one of the beautiful parks in Newcastle, surrounded by pretty flowers and once again, Harry wanders off with his camera, leaving Louis and Zayn behind.

Zayn’s eyes are trained on Harry’s back. “It seems like you guys have worked most of your problems out.”

Louis watches Harry too, admiring his husband at work with his tongue sticking out and his face behind his lens as he tries to capture a picture of a squirrel who keeps running away. He can’t help the fond smile breaking out on his face.

“Mostly, yeah.”

“Mostly?”

“Yeah, I mean… it’s not easy to resolve everything in a matter of a week. We’ve been in a tough spot for more than months now. It’s going to take time. But, we’re getting used to each other again.”

“It seemed serious on the phone when you told me.”

Louis sighs. “Because it was. I knew coming here and meeting you was important part of solving things out.”

Zayn nods, his smile small. “I’m sorry if I’m the reason so much went wrong, if I was the start of the downfall. I never, ever wanted that.”

Louis reaches over, squeezing Zayn’s shoulders in a reassuring manner. “You did nothing of such. You were always a brilliant friend, I think Harry’s going to enjoy having you back.”

“You have to come back and visit, all the time.”

“Likewise. Gotta give Mike the real London tour.”

They make their way back to the apartment afterwards, Zayn helping them pack their belongings back into the bags and preparing food for them to take and eat along the way. They pack the car and then. It’s goodbye.

Zayn and Harry say goodbye first, standing before each other and staring like they’re unsure how to do this. Harry was cheated out of a goodbye the first time, he has a chance to make it right this time. It almost feels like Harry’s going to walk away and get into the car without a word but Zayn cuts the gap between them and embraces Harry tightly.

“No more grudges.” Harry whispers.

Zayn nods into his neck. “No more, ever. We’ll talk everyday, call every week. I’m a dick for ever stopping in the first place.”

He sniffles. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, please don’t be. I’m the one who's sorry and I’ll spend the rest of my time making it up to you.”

“I love you, you dick.”

“I love you too.”

They hug one more time and Zayn places a lingering kiss in his curls before he pulls away. Harry departs, then, getting into the car and closing the door behind him. He immediately calls someone.

Louis’ the last one now, smiling. “Thanks for being a good host, for accepting Harry back into your life.”

“Anytime, Louis. I can’t thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to fix things.”

“It was needed.” Louis opens his arms.

Zayn embraces him back not a second later, holding each other for a few minutes. 

“You’re my best friend, Louis,” Zayn says to him.

“Mine too.”

They pull away. Louis stares at him with a sad smile, not wanting to leave and wanting to spend more time with Zayn. He gave this visit more time to Harry, letting the pair rekindle their friendship and let himself sit back and observe from far. He missed out on proper bonding time with Zayn, smoking weed with him and skateboarding like they used to. He wants to take Zayn away for one last good time.

Instead, he moves for his car.

“We’ll talk later?” He suggests.

Zayn nods. “Of course, always. Later, boo.”

*

And you need to know  
That nobody could take your place, your place  
And you need to know  
That I'm hella obsessed with your face, your face

Oh, my heart hurts so good  
I love you, baby, so bad, so bad  
 **LANY - ILYSB**

*

“How’s Noah doing?”

Harry looks up from the magazine he’s reading, arching a brow at the sudden question before relaxing his features. “Oh, yeah. Sophia called and told me that the GP prescribed medicine, he’s better now.”

Louis exhales. “Good, I’m so glad. I miss him, need to talk to talk to him.”

“Me too, boo,” his spare hand comes to rest on Louis’ inner thigh, giving a reassuring squeeze.

“They’ll call soon, I’ll give Soph a ring when we’ve reached our next destination.”

Harry grins. “And where may that be, love?”

Louis mirrors the smile. “We’re going Blackpool now.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. The lights, the sea, the ice cream - it’ll be fun. We can stay there for a few days, eat fish and chips everyday and get fat.”

Harry snorts but he doesn’t decline the offer, nodding. Louis takes the right turn on the motorway, leading them towards the beautiful city of Blackpool. It’s going to take about two hours but he’s glad to be back on the road and driving again, moving onto the next place.

They drive and talk, discussing new terms of their relationship and the hours Louis’ going to cut back to ensure he has enough time with the children. Harry promises he’ll try getting his job back at the bakery if they can work out a good timetable with enough hours. They talk about arranging a visit to meet their families on the way back home, even if it’ll add another week onto their journey. They stop at services for an hour, eating late greasy fast food dinner and watching the sunset through the dining hall. Harry flicks through the magazine again, chatting about the latest gossip with Louis. It feels like home between them again.

When they finally make it to Blackpool, it’s nearly 9pm and the skies are dark but the city is still very much alive. The lights that stretch on for miles are switched on, illuminating the path and all the arcades are buzzing with people running in and out of them. 

Louis loves beach cities. He finds them so comforting and welcoming, the noise and the people you’ll find around the area at all times. He loves the lively atmosphere, the instant positive vibes he receives from the people and the place. He loves the sea itself, playing with wet sand and running around in the water until he’s wet. 

“Babe, we gotta get out of the car and take proper pictures.” Harry’s tone is enthusiastic, eyes bright as he tries to snap pictures of the lights from the car only to come out blurry.

Louis huffs. “No, no waiting around. I’m so bloody tired and I want a bed and I want sleep.”

“Baaaaabe.” He pauses. “So no sex tonight?”

“Sorry, exhausted. Morning sex, though?”

Harry nods in agreement, a smirk already playing on his lips as he puts his camera away. They finally find a hotel opposite the sea, giving them a direct view of the water stretching out for miles. Though the hotel isn’t the best, it’s dingy, small and unpleasant, they settle in easily. 

*

The next morning is another beautiful, warm day and Louis can’t help the blinding smile he wakes up with. As promised, they have morning sex. It’s unlike their usual hot, rough sex they’ve been having recently as they work out their frustrations upon each other. This time, it’s sweet and gentle. Louis makes love to Harry, wrecking him slowly piece by piece but in the most tender way as he comes inside him. They make love, again, in the shower but this time Louis drops to his knees and lets the boy fuck his throat before Harry pushes him up against the steamy glass and pushes into him.

After their heavy sex session, they back into bed and order room service up to their room. Once the food is all spread out amongst them in bed, they eat with their limbs tangled up in the white bedsheets.

“I love you so very much, you know?” Harry announces to no one in particular, just making a casual statement as he takes another bite of his sandwich.

And though Louis knows this, has heard the sentiment pour out of Harry’s lips for the past fifteen years endless times - it still sends an electric shock down his spine to hear it. Like Harry was born to say those words.

Louis reaches over to ruffle Harry’s hair. “I love you so much, baby.”

“And I’m really sorry I haven’t told you enough times recently. I wish I could go back and make sure I said it everytime before we fell asleep angry at each other.”

Louis finishes off the last bite of his pasty, pushing his plate off his lap and twisting his torso to give Harry his whole, undivided attention. He can sense they’re about to have a heartfelt conversation and he wants to be fully present for it. It’s going to be honest and serious and they’re going to talk. Harry understands, he drains the last sip of his coffee and places it on the side table. They’re facing each other now, all their cards out on the table and nothing to hide between them anymore.

“You don’t need to apologise,” Louis’ voice is as soft as butter, his fingers tracing along Harry’s prominent wrist tattoos. “I don’t blame you, either. I haven’t been the easiest person to love recently.”

“That’s not true at all.” Harry’s voice is firm. “I haven’t been easy either. I did some stupid shit and I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I provoked you, you reacted.”

“Maybe so, but-”

“Exactly,” Louis continues to reassure him, a tender smile reserved for him only. “So, we both made mistakes and we can owe up to it. That’s all that really matters.”

“I know that there’s some things we need to go over and sort through but Louis, I’m really happy we’ve been able to reach this point.” He exhales. “We couldn’t even spend five minutes in each other’s presence without arguing.”

“I know, it’s insane.”

Harry opens his mouth to continue his little speech but they’re both caught off guard when Louis’ phone starts ringing. He knows it’s Liam calling, or Sophia, so he quickly pecks Harry’s lips before getting up and grabbing his phone from the floor on the other side of the hotel room.

“Hey!”

“Hey, Lou!” It’s Sophia, her tone bright. “Just a random question, what city are you guys at right now?”

“Um… Blackpool?” He answers, confusion invading his tone. “Why? Is everything okay, Noah okay?”

She lets out a nervous chuckle. “Of course it’s all good! The kids are out at school, obviously.”

Her voice sounds not the least convincing. 

“Right, of course.”

“Okay, see ya!” She hangs up without another word and Louis pulls the phone away from his ear to stare at the black screen for a few seconds, his eyes narrowed like the answer to the bizarre phone call with somehow appear on the screen. It doesn’t.

He climbs back into bed, the phone call all but forgotten when Harry’s hands land on him.

“What was all that about?”

Louis wrinkles his nose. “Fuck knows. Sophia was acting strange.”

“Oh, how so?”

“Like, she asked where we’re at right now. Like what city.”

“Oh..” Harry knits his eyebrows together. “I’m sure they’re just curious, probably wondering if we’re closer to home yet.”

“Forget about it,” he shrugs it off, cupping Harry’s cheeks. “Back to us and our conversation.”

Harry smiles goofily. “Right, like I was saying. I was so stupid for even suggesting a divorce, okay? I hope you know that, truly and sincerely. I have never uttered such stupid words from my mouth. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else but you.”

Louis nods, taking the words in before exhaling. “That was so scary, Harry. You can’t do that to me ever again.”

“I know, babe. It scared _me_ too, I didn’t even realise what I was saying before it came out. And when you walked out and didn’t come back, I was so scared,” he breathes out, his voice small now as he looks straight at Louis with shame in his features. “I thought to myself.. Fuck, I ruined it. I ruined us. I finally pushed you far enough and I lost you. I thought I was never going to get you back in my space alone again unless it was for… divorce papers.”

Louis softens, reaching over and twining their fingers together and giving them a squeeze. “Harry, I don’t think it’d ever be that easy. Like, we were together for fifteen years so I really doubt we were just going to talk one more time to sign some papers. Divorce is a gradual agreement between two partners, letting go of something that can’t be revived.” He pauses, leaning forward so their noses are touching. “And we can be revived, we have been and we will again and again and continue to be.”

There’s tears swimming in Harry’s eyes. “I never want to let you go, never want to come close to that again.”

Harry says it with so much passion, so much meaning behind those words and Louis knows he means it. 

Sometimes, it hits Louis like a tonne of bricks when he realises he’s chose someone like Harry for the rest of his life. He’s lucky enough to have a compassionate, soft and caring husband. He’s lucky enough to live in the same time period as his soul mate, never had to go searching high and low for ‘the one’. He’s able to come home every single day to the love of his life. 

Louis shuffles forward, wrapping his arms around Harry and tucking him into his chest.

“You’ll never have to let me go,” he promises sweetly, words barely audible as he whispers into Harry’s ear. “It’ll never be anyone but us, for now on.”

“Even if it gets tough?”

“Even if it gets tough,” Louis affirms. “But I hope we never make the same mistakes again, that we never have to argue over fucking work again. I’m done with that-”

Before Louis can finish his heartfelt sentence, his phone blares out the shrilly ringtone once again.

“One second babe,” he gets out of his bed for the second time now as he picks up the phone and accepts the call. “ _Yes_?”

“Hey, Louis!” It’s Liam, sounding surprisingly cheerful for the afternoon.

“Is there a reason you’re calling me and not collecting my children from school, as it’s hometime?”

“What hotel are you staying at?”

Louis furrows his brow, unease growing in the pits of his stomach. These questions are making him increasingly nervous. 

“Is something wrong, Li? Because if there is, just spit it out.”

“There isn’t!”

“Then what’s the matter?!”

“I just wanna know your hotel, in case.”

“In case of what?”

“Don’t be difficult, Louis,” Liam sighs. The hint of desperation is clear behind his voice.

“Li..” Louis reduces his voice to a whisper, trying to be as gentle as possible despite the current turmoil. “Please, tell me if something’s going on, this is making me feel really worried.”

Liam sighs again. “I promise you, boo, there’s nothing wrong.”

“Okay, fine,” he surrenders. “We’re at the local Blackpool hotel, Ibis.”

Liam doesn’t even bother replying, hanging up. Louis rolls his eyes, throwing his phone back in the corner before heaving himself back to bed. He scoots close to Harry, his hand resting on Harry’s back as he traces constellations into his smooth skin.

“Liam?” Harry questions, voice soft.

“God knows what they’re up to, driving me mad.”

“I’m sure they’d let us know if there’s a problem, babe. No need to get worked up.”

Which is true. So Louis lets go.

They share a cookie between them, breaking it into two equal pieces and munching on the sugary goodness. Harry talks about his days in the bakery, how he could make a bakery twice as good as this and on days they weren’t busy, him and Barbara would have baking contests. 

The conversation drifts to their expectations of each other.

“More sex, please? Louis suggests, waggling his brows.

Harry nods instantly. “You bet. I haven’t had this good sex in months, not letting it stop any time soon.”

“I can’t believe even after a decade and half together, our sex life can be just as-”

Louis’ phone rings again.

This time, he is angry. Pissed. Annoyed.

There’s no valid reason for Liam and Sophia to repeatedly call, they don’t ask for anything except details and quite honestly, it’s annoying when Harry and Louis are having a conversation that’s important. Louis doesn’t appreciate being interrupted.

So, he isn’t exactly kind when he gets up for the third time and accepts the call with. “ _What, Liam_?! What could you possibly want now?!”

“Hi,” Sophia squeaks out and Louis groans in regret. “I’m so sorry, Louis. But Ibis, yeah? In central Blackpool.”

“Yes.”

There’s shuffling from the other line, a few shouts and Liam shushing someone loudly before he grabs the phone and starts speaking.

“Hey, mate.”

Louis narrows his eyes, unable to stop the irritation sweeping under his skin and crawling at his veins. “Liam, you’re being a proper cockblock right now.”

He snorts. “Look outside, mate.”

He furrows his brows. “Look outside, what?”

“Drag your ass to the window of your hotel room and look outside.”

The instructions seem simple enough but it takes Louis a moment to fully comprehend what’s being asked of him. He finally begins to walk towards the small hotel window, pulling the curtain back to observe the city of Blackpool alive again. His view is the same as last night, the sea visible and the hundreds of people walking around. He looks around, craning his neck for any sign of anything. Then he looks down.

There stands Liam, Sophia, Niall and his three children.

He freezes, almost dropping the phone right out of his hand.

What.

Wait, what?

Is he dreaming right now?”

He grips his phone, tears already building up in his eyes and one successfully rolling down his cheeks as he sees Lola noticing him watching, jumping up and down on the spot, waving.

“Is this real?” He speaks into the phone, voice breaking.

Harry walks to his side too, glancing around before looking down. He pauses, letting out a tiny gasp and not a moment later, he’s rushing out of the hotel room without a backward glance. Louis snaps to action. He hangs up his phone, slipping his feet into slippers before running out of the room. He takes the stairs, two steps at a time and runs into the street towards his children. Shane jumps into his arms first.

Louis’ sobbing. He’s crying loud, sobbing.

But he doesn’t care as he picks Shane up, embracing him so tight that he’s afraid he’ll shatter the younger boy's bones as he twirls him around, peppering kisses all over his face. Not a second later, he puts him down to embrace Noah as well, pulling Noah’s fringe back and kissing him all over.

“My baby boys,” he whispers, voice weak as his fingers graze Noah’s cheeks. “Are you okay, Noah? You were sick, my love and I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there but oh. I’m so happy you’re here!”

Noah giggles into Louis’ chest. “I’m good, daddy.”

He takes his time to talk to Shane and Noah, ensuring they’re both okay before putting the twins back on the ground and instantly moving over to Lola. Her face breaks into a bright grin, her hands trying to grab up to him and he doesn’t waste any time before picking her up and twirling her around too. She giggles breathlessly into his neck, chanting “daddy” over and over as he tickles her stomach before coming to a halt.

“Sweetheart,” he whispers, his voice tender. “I missed you so so much, Lola. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Missed you more, daddy.”

“Surprised me, didn’t you? Got me good!” He begins to tickle her again as her head falls back, unable to stop the laughter.

“Uncle Liam said it’d be a good idea and we miss you so much so we came.”

“I’m so glad you did!” Louis promises her, kissing her both her cheeks twice before easily adjusting her on his hip.

He finally diverts his attention to his friends standing before him, another shameless tear slipping from his eyes. 

“Guys, you really got us good,” Louis tells them, moving forward to embrace each of them whilst still holding Lola, giving Liam a hip pinch. “Got me worried with the insistent calls, like! I didn’t know what was going on! Now, you’re here! And you brought bloody Niall along too!”

Niall rolls his eyes, swatting Louis’ shoulders playfully before reaching over to grasp Harry’s forearm. “Honoured to be here, too.” He says.

Harry’s standing with a handful of twins, his curls falling on his face and his eyes red with the tears that won’t stop falling down his face. Louis’ insides soften, like it’s even possible at this moment, as he moves across to his husband and kisses his lips gently. With his spare hand, he reaches over and wipes away Harry’s tears.

Liam watches the interaction with wide eyes, followed by Sophia’s surprised squeak and Niall’s fond smile.

“What?” Louis asks, furrowing his brows and turning back to his friends.

Liam clears his throat, shaking his head. “It’s just, the last time we saw you both, you guys couldn’t even stand in a room together without.. Erupting. And now,” he gestures between them helplessly.

Harry guffaws, cuddling into Noah and Shane closer. 

Lola lets out a happy scream, burying her head into Louis’ chest. “You and papa are happy again, aren’t you!? Tell me, you are!”

Louis can’t help but cry. He’s crying because he’s so fucking happy, because things have worked out and he has his husband, his children and his three best mates in the whole world by his side. He’s crying because things have never fit together so well in his life after months and months of letdowns and disappointments.

He raises Lola’s chin to level with her before smiling down to her. “Yes.. me and papa are happy again, indeed.” He promises her before reaching out to his mates. “And me and Harry have worked things out. I can’t tell you how ecstatic I am to have you guys here.”

“It means the absolute world to us,” Harry nods, promising them all.

Sophia dismisses them with a wave of her hand, her dimples on display as she gestures to the beach. “Let’s go and take a dip. We’re here to have fun, c’mon.”

Liam crosses the gap between him and Louis, pulling at his forearm before whispering. “We got the next trial date coming up Daisy in two weeks, it’s going really well.”

Louis raises his brow. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s really leaning in her favour,” he steps back with a wide smile. “I think I’m going to win this one for the firm.”

Louis can’t help how he beams at the news, slipping into contentedness. 

So, they all cross the road towards the sea. Harry and Louis holding hands, side-by-side with their children running ahead towards the wet sand and the water. Liam and Sophia walking ahead a little, eyes on the children as Niall runs after the children. Louis’ never felt more content in his life. 

~

*

'Cause I hope  
We will never have to take back  
What we said in the night  
I hope that I will always have  
All eyes on you

I will never take back  
The words that I said then  
I always knew I'd come back to you

**The inspiration of this whole fic  
St Lucia - All Eyes On You**

*

Louis and Harry renew their vows on the beach during the sunset when the sky is crimson and orange, colours bleeding into each other and the weather is breezy and the waves are choppy. Louis wants to commit the rest of his existence to Harry, wants to remind him how much he loves him and wants to repeat the words until it’s embedded in both their minds. They’ll never make the same mistakes again, ever. This is a procedure to make sure it’ll work out in their favour, another promise to each other.

It’s a sweet ceremony and intimate with only their children and their closest friends.

Whilst Sophia and Liam check into their hotel, Niall takes the time to purchase the alcohol they’ll consume after the renewal. Harry and Louis sit on the beach together, playing with the sands and watching their children fondly as they run around the water. They’ve been to the beach a few times but every single time is the first time for the kids. Louis can’t help but get up, running after his children and giving them a cuddle each time he catches them.

Noah and Shane are attempting to build a sandcastle out of the sand without the bucket and spade so Niall ensures them he’ll pick one up on his way back. Lola’s managed to make a friend of her own age, the two of them running around the water and splashing it at each other. 

When everyone returns to the beach at 7pm, they begin the renewal.

Louis pulls Lola to the side and hands her both their original wedding bands, closing the rings around her small fist.

“What’s this for, daddy?” She asks, confusion written over her features, clutching onto the rings for dear life.

Louis lets out a wet laugh, unable to believe how unbelievable this entire ordeal has been. “Honey, me and your papa are getting married… again.”

“Married?” She repeats in amazement, her mouth falling wide open before she shuts it sternly and huffs. “No, daddy. Wedding is in a church and people dress nicely for it!” She gestures to her floral short dress.

“Well, we don’t have to do it like everyone else, baby. We’re doing it our own way.”

“What’s this for?” She asks, looking down her fistful of rings.

“That’s mine and papa’s rings. You’re going to hand it to me and papa when we ask, okay?”

“Okay.” She nods eagerly.

Louis runs through the procedure with her fully, allowing her to understand how it works and when she nods, her eyes wide but pleasant - they begin. There’s no fancy way of doing it, they don’t walk down an aisle with flowers and with fancy tuxes. They walk to the front of the beach where the waves are falling at their feet, hand-in-hand with their friends behind them. Noah and Shane stand on Louis’ side, Lola stands on Harry.

Liam runs through the renewal as the officiant, his smile so wide he’s unable to wipe it off and Sophia looks like she’s crying from where she stands. Niall stand by Sophia, his arms around her shoulder as he takes a swing of his beer and cheers them on.

It’s intimate, it’s casual and it’s fucking perfect over the sunset beach.

Then it’s time for the vows.

Harry goes first, itching to speak as his hands come to rest on top of Louis’ despite how clammy and sweaty they are. 

“Louis Tomlinson, you are the love of my life,” he starts, his throat already thick as he tries to clear it by coughing a few times. Louis lets out a chuckle, tears dribbling down his cheeks that he hadn’t even realised were there. “Ten years ago, I made a promise to you when I took your last name. I made a choice, the most important and significant choice of my life when I decided to marry you. I chose you over and over for the past ten years and I hope you know, I’ll always continue to choose you Louis. Even through all the tribulations, all the changes we may go through - I will always choose you. Despite the many chances we had to go separate ways, we always come back together because I simply cannot live my life without you, Louis. I never want to imagine a life without you either. Without our children. There has been no other person who has brought feelings like this in my life, just complete joy and love and contentedness. I’d never want that with anyone else, but you and I really, really love you so much, Louis Tomlinson. I’d be a fool to ever let this joy from my life slip away. So, if you’d like, please keep me in your life for the rest of eternity.”

Louis’ crying.

He already knows he is but he’s really crying, ugly crying with snot running down his nose and he’s sure he’s not a pretty sight for pictures right now. The pictures he knows Sophia is taking right now. 

Then it’s Louis’ turn.

He squeezes his eyes shut for a second, having to come up with vows on the spot last minute and really, Louis’ never been great with words. But he’s going to attempt to put together something romantic for the sake of this ceremony, for the sake of Harry.

“Harry Tomlinson,” he says confidently before letting out a laugh, his smile growing. “Fuck, you know I’ve always loved your last name being Tomlinson,” he pauses, realising his swore in front of the children. “Shit. Sorry, kids! I mean, sorry-” 

Harry shakes his head before throwing it back, the glorious sound of his laughter filling around them and Louis’ heart feels like it’s soaring.

“Silly,” he mutters fondly.

Louis sticks his tongue out at him before continuing. “Harry, in the past I’ve taken you for granted. I’ve put other useless things before you, I have done many things I’m not proud of but I have always loved you. I can never deny that. I have loved you from the minute I laid my eyes on you at University, have fell for you every single day since, have had the absolute pleasure of getting to know you. Getting to know your beautiful soul and everything that you are and everything that you believe in. I knew from the time we started officially dating, I was going to marry you and I was going to make the world ours. I promise you, Harry, I will continue to change for the better and we will make the world ours again. I think of all our memories and I remember I’ve never been a happier, a better man when I’m with you. I’d never change that for anything. There is no greater feeling than having my best friend by my side, every single day. Through all our struggles, we remain strong. For you, I’ll give you my heart, my soul, my undivided time and attention and I’ll never let us repeat the same mistakes again. Because, I bloody love you ever so much, I do, Harry.”

By the end of his vow, he’s sure Niall’s crying too. He can’t help but to point it out, the little crowd all beginning to laugh at Niall who shakes his head and tries to hide behind his beer bottle.

Liam finishes the ceremony, they exchange the rings that Lola passes over gently and they place on each other’s fingers. Then, Louis grabs Harry, spinning him around and dipping him down so their lips can meet in a passionate, heated kiss. There’s clapping from their mates. But there’s also clapping from the other people walking around on the beach, noticing the commotion and cheering along as well. It’s the most perfect ceremony Louis can ever ask for.

Then it’s celebration time.

Niall passes around the beers, all cheering as Liam puts on music on his iPhone on full speakers and they dance around the wet sand. The sky darkens as night falls before them but Louis can’t bring himself to care, wanting to spend more time with every single person present, wanting to drink more beer and never wanting to take his hands off Harry. He feels drunk on love, drunk whenever he looks over to Harry and sees his husband's blinding smile.

Sophia puts on Ed Sheeran’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’ and insists they slow dance.

Louis holds Harry by the waist, bringing him close to his chest so their noses are touching. They hold hands, embracing and it’s so intimate that Louis’ stomach flutters from the butterflies he’s felt since the first day he’s met Harry. The song drifts through the air between them and Louis feels like it’s only the two of them alone right on the beach as they sway slowly to the song, eyes locked on each other.

“I love you,” Louis reminds Harry, leaning forward to drop a kiss on Harry’s lips because he can. Because he wants to for the rest of their lives.

Harry shoots him back his award winning smile. “I love you.”

“I love you and this is my favourite day ever. And I love this song.”

“And I’m going to get you so tipsy later,” Harry giggles, dipping his head into Louis’ chest and snuggling closer as they continue to dance slowly to the song.

“Mmhmm. Perfect. Then..” he leans forward so he’s sure the words will only be heard by Harry. “Then, I’m going to lay you out and I’m going to make love to you. Going to kiss you all over and remind you you’re mine. Forever.”

Harry smiles against his neck, biting down on the exposed flesh. “The children will be in the room, silly.”

“I’ll purchase another room just for the night so we can sneak in there.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Harry agrees.

“Liam will probably offer to take the kids, anyway.”

“I’ve missed them. I’ve missed you, too. Today has been bloody perfect.”

Louis nods in agreement as the song comes to an end but they stay embraced, holding each other.

“I’d never have it any other way.”


End file.
